Åland

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Åland

Group of islands in the vicinity of Sweden. Not Finland. Except for when the ice hockey world cup comes around, because perkele, if the Ålanders haven't been near (mind only near) enough Finnish since hell froze over (see further hellvite frysär ju för fan).


People[edit]

Ålanders are neither Finnish nor Swedish, the Finns are all gay and the Swedes don't even speak Swedish. Both Finns and Swedes wish they were Ålanders, because it is clearly the only place to be. Åland is demilitarised since the beginning of time, apart from during vårfågeljakten (i.e. spring bird hunting), when no one is safe really. Especially not birds i skärgården (place where men in truckerhats go, allegedly to shoot birds). Try for yourself on the Ålandstidningen webpage.

Language[edit]

Ålandish is a peculiar dialect of Swedish, or so it is claimed. See further phrases.

Phrases[edit]

Slut nojsa - Be quiet, children. Rågetsböle(pronounced röjsböle in swedish) - nowhere one particularly would like to be. Iss inga fittas - Don't say nothing to me, or I'll throw a 5 feet spear through your head.

Politics[edit]

Åland is an active democracy, with no less than 273 directly elected public bodies. Most powerful among these is the Landskapsregeringen, to which you can only be elected if you are a) a farmer; b) from Kökar; or c) a raving left-wing lesbian. The leader of the Landskapsregeringen must always be called Roger. The governmenat is known to be anti-Finland and will go crazy if they see a finish word on their pure, Swedish island...

The EU[edit]

The Ålanders are not in the EU. They have tax free.

Population[edit]

The population of Åland consists of largely Ålänningar(usually farmers or fishers), randomers(usually live in the capitol and do services), Getabor(exceptionally stupid, usually fishers), Hammarlänningar(know only one phrase in swedish and have quarries and a road), Hulken(the Hulk, a crazy motherfucker). Sometimes Hiisi(a small portion of the populace that represents the metal genre in the archipelago) can be seen out walking in the city, drunk, happy, drinking and singing. A great portion of the overall population avoid them, but some are attracted to their merriness and the ones that have been drinking with Hiisi(and survived it) are generally very positive to the experience.