Ə

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Ə is a replacement for E created in a Kyoto labratory, during the 1st war of fiscal conservatism. Chemically similar to Splenda®, Ə is essentially a bromidated sucrose molecule.

Synthesis[edit]

Synthesis of Ə was reletively simple until the Waters-Gilmour Act of 20X6, which limited the amount of 1,6-Bromofructose allowed to be excreted in public areas.

Currently, Ə is created through an unusual symbiotic relationship between bees and an African protozoan named Steve, which creates a stabler isomer of 1,6-dibromo-1, 6-dideoxy-BETA-D-fructofuranosyl-4-bromo-4-deoxy-alpha-D-galactopyranoside.

Scientists are hopeful that they soon be able to lift their Steve dependence and begin using more eco-friendly methods.

Pre-Approval Research[edit]

A longterm crossdirectional codeviated study was performed on double blind, blind in both eyes, lab rats (2b) and controlled against no blind lab rats (not2b). Each population was given 12.3 cc of 1,6-dibromo-1, 6-dideoxy-BETA-D-fructofuranosyl-4-bromo-4-deoxy-alpha-D-galactopyranoside, twice a day on even days and then 7 times on evey other odd day. On the remaining days, they were subjected to a great deal of personal ridicule, the tossing of bon mots and cutting jabs at their physical appearance.

The not 2b population respond well to the substitute. Most instances of cancer occurred in relatives of those participating in the study (chai=90, t=.007) When asked about his experience with the process, one rat exclaimed, "By jove, those fellws putting this whole thing on were quite righteous." Then hopped into his 1927 Model T, adjusted his monocle, and flew into the sunset.

The 2b population found that the substitute went well on a cracker (chai=69, t=666).