∞ BC to 1 BC

This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from ∞BC to 1BC.

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“The Universe is an amazing place.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Universe

“One of the basic rules of the Universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn't exist... Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist”

~ Stephen Hawking on the Universe's a symmetry

“Confucius say the Universe is a homosexual.”

~ Confucius on the Universe

“The Universe can't be a homosexual you son of a bitch!”

~ Albert Einstein on Confucius being wrong

In the beginning, there were only singularities.

∞ BC

• What would become the Universe is only a singularity.

13820000000 BC

• The Big Bang is the start of the Universe.
• The Universe expands quickly at first in a period called the Inflation.
• The Universe then expands more slowly.

The Universe began with a "bang".

10000000000 BC

• Oscar Wilde arrives in this time on his penny-farthing time machine to hang out with some aliens.
• When Oscar Wilde reaches there, he makes a flatulence in the middle of a large horde of aliens.
• Oscar Wilde returns back to his time after hanging out there for two weeks.

7893435894 BC

• The prediction of the 9/11 attack is made.
• Nihilism is invented.

“I don't believe in any deity and I'm not a biologist, but that doesn't mean a stupid nihilist.”

~ Peter Higgs on nihilism

5000000000 BC

• Oscar Wilde arrives at this time in Alagaësia.
• He has sex with a woman in Alagaësia.

4999999999 BC

• Oscar Wilde Jr. is born because of the fuck.
• Oscar Wilde Jr. looks so ugly to Oscar Wilde.
• Because of that, Oscar Wilde returns to his time.

“He looked so ugly that I regretted fucking that woman when I saw him! I didn't even give him any name! The woman did and I hated her for naming him after me!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Oscar Wilde Jr.

4700000000 BC

• Dark energy causes the Universe to expand faster than ever.

4582376892 BC

• Coffee is invented causing the rate of cavities to quadruple.

4553000899 BC

• Yoda is born.

4553000000 BC

• Three Imperial Star Destroyer pilots thought they saw a fleet of Rebel Alliance members.
• It was actually a group of aliens that had ships that looked like those of the Rebel Alliance because of that.
• The Imperial Star Destroyers shoot lasers at the ships and blow up a giant star that starts turning into the Solar System.

4543000000 BC

• The Solar System is formed.
• The Hadean Eon begins on Earth.

4538947347 BC

• The light bulb is invented.

3800000000 BC

• Life appears on Earth which ends the Hadean Eon and begins the Archean Eon.

3578935895 BC

• Darwin, the bony fish person, grows legs, is able to eat person food, breathe air, and talk.
• Darwin becomes Gumball Watterson's stepbrother and is called "Darwin Watterson".

2500000000 BC

• Oxygen is made by cyanobacteria which ends the Archean Eon and begins the Proterozoic Eon.

2389730458 BC

• The Order of Nihilists is invented to try to eliminate life from the Universe.
• 500,000 people are in the Order of Nihilists.
• 30,000,000 people are killed by the Order of Nihilists.

2389730423 BC

• Obese people are banned from 78% of the planets of the Universe.

2389730234 BC

• After 224 years of killing living organisms, everyone in the Order of Nihilists gets brutally killed.
• Only 4,589 nihilists are left (these were nihilists who weren't stupid enough to join the Order of Nihilists).

The head of a member of the Order of Nihilists that got brutally killed.

544620000 BC

• Aliens test high levels of radiation.

543478934 BC

• The term "ass" is invented.
• Platinum is discovered.

542000000 BC

• The radiation tested by aliens 2,620,000 years before this time reaches organisms on Earth causing them to go through a mutation that let them be able to live on land which ends the Proterozoic Eon and begins the Phanerozoic Eon.

231000000 BC

• Dinosaurs appear on Earth.
• The first dinosaur shits.

89235723 BC

• People start masturbating.

89129345 BC

• Bill Gates and Oscar Wilde arrive at this time.
• Bill Gates and Oscar Wilde return to their times after hanging out with each other for 8 minutes.

Bill Gates's time machine.

70000000 BC

• T. rex appears on Earth.

67768956 BC

• Suicide is invented by an idiot named Shit Ass (he literally killed himself).

“I will kill myself and call it suicide.”

~ Shit Ass on killing himself

65000001 BC

• Aliens crash their spaceship into an asteroid while exploring the Solar System.
• All the spaceship blows up and all the aliens in it die.
• The asteroid starts hurtling at Earth.

65000000 BC

• The asteroid that the alien spaceship crashed onto Earth forming the Gulf of Mexico and killing most of the dinosaurs like the T. rex (the rest either starved to death or died because Earth was getting too cold for them).

The asteroid that killed most of the dinosaurs hitting Earth.

55000000 BC

• The last dinosaur died.

23458989 BC

• The minigun is invented.
• Gay people are discovered.
• The laptop computer is invented.
• Diamond is discovered.

18927313 BC

• An alien spaceship lands in one of Earth's oceans and sinks.
• All the aliens on the spaceship die.

3900000 BC

• Australopithecus afarensis appears on Earth.

3045890 BC

• Gay people take up 89% of the alien planet Mogrobo.
• An international law is made by all the people of the planet Mogrobo that everyone must have at least three offspring by age 356 (which is middle age for the aliens on the planet).
• The whole gay Mogroboan population suicides.

2900000 BC

• Australopithecus afarensis goes extinct.

2893734 BC

• Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Chuck Norris arrive at this time to teach aliens how to play poker.
• The trio of humans starts playing poker there.
• Chuck Norris gets in last place and gets mad because he lost $1,000.
• The trio of humans gets into their time machines.

“I will never play poker again! I would rather fuck Irma Grese than that play that game for idiots!”

~ Chuck Norris on losing $1,000 when playing poker

1900000 BC

• Homo erectus appears on Earth.

1800000 BC

• Homo erectus learns how to make fire.

230000 BC

• Neanderthals appear on Earth.

70000 BC

• Homo erectus goes extinct.

61692 BC

• The dab is invented.

35000 BC

• Homo sapiens sapiens appears on Earth.

34304 BC

• An evil Homo sapiens sapiens suggests Neanderthals are too stupid to exist.
• Many Homo sapiens sapiens agree with the evil Homo sapiens sapiens.
• Homo sapiens sapiens start killing Neanderthals.

30000 BC

• Neanderthals go extinct.

20156 BC

• Showing genitals in public becomes unacceptable in all alien civilizations.

9581 BC

• Boys in Europe start playing a game called "Urinate on Each Other" in which they urinate on each other (while covering their penises).

8747 BC

• Urinate on Each Other reaches Africa and Asia.

8385 BC

• While playing Urinate on Each Other, a boy accidentally swallowed urine.
• The boy died.
• Urinate on Each Other is banned from the city the boy died in.
• Some of the people in the city start a campaign to ban Urinate on Each Other from Europe, Africa, and Asia (the only places were people play it).

8265 BC

• Urinate on Each Other is banned from Europe, Asia, and Africa.

8000 BC

• The last mammoth dies.

4004 BC

• A Christian arrives at this time with an atheist to try to prove this was when Earth was made.
• The two people encounter 66 warriors.
• The atheist escapes and travels back to his time escapes but the Christian gets killed by one of the warriors.

3760 BC

• A Jew arrives at this time with the same atheist to try to prove this was when Earth was made.
• The two people encounter 396 warriors.
• The atheist escapes and travels back to his time escapes but the Jew gets killed by one of the warriors.

3210 BC

• Plans for human civilization on Earth are made.
• People working on human civilization on Earth.

3200 BC

• Human civilization on Earth is made.

3142 BC

• π is discovered exactly 1000π years before 1 AD, which is somewhere on the day of August 4, 3142 BC.

3100 BC

• Ancient Egypt is made.

3064 BC

• The trio of humans (Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Chuck Norris) who played poker in 89129345 BC arrives at this time.
• Chuck Norris starts dating three Mesopotamian women just to see how far he could go.
• Bill Gates and Warren Buffet travel back to their time because there is nothing interesting to do.
• After dating the three Mesopotamian women for one week, Chuck Norris breaks up with the Mesopotamian women and travels back to his time.

2250 BC

• The first empire is made.

1500 BC

• Hinduism is made by a person who thinks he knows everything when he doesn't.

1228 BC

• Sex reaches its heyday.

509 BC

• Ancient Rome is made.

100 BC

• Julius Caesar is born.

46 BC

• 14 people from 1966 arrive at this time to show the Romans how to make a hot dog.
• The Romans think it is stupid because it sounds like eating a dog.
• All the 14 people are captured by the Romans and put to death.

45 BC

• A large group of nomads arrives in China, steals an entire field of rice with eight nomads and 920 farmers getting killed in the process.
• Nobody cares about the event with the nomads and farmers.

44 BC

• Julius Caesar dies.

7 BC

• Argon is discovered.
• First fossil is uncovered.

4 BC

• Krypton, (the element, not the planet) is discovered.

2 BC

• Juice is invented.

1 BC

• Uranium is discovered.