0.999 Recurring

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Wikipedia doesn't have a proper article about 0.999 Recurring. It really wouldn't help those so-called experts by writing one either.

0.999 Recurring is a deadly neurological poison designed for use against the internet. If cases are not treated within roughly five seconds of the poisoning, the victim is invariably doomed. It is well known to have been the cause of World War 2 and the father of George Bush, Michael Jackson and Hugh Grant. It is also man-made, but who or what would be able to create such a virulent and deadly venom is unknown. DEREK SMART!!! is suspected to be the creator, but he denies this.

Cases of 0.999 Recurring poisoning are often mis-diagnosed as the considerably more dangerous Greater Tiresome Fucktard's Ordeal strain of disease, due to similar initial symptoms. Strangely, the poison is also contagious, and can spread from victim to victim just by looking at the infected in a funny way. There are only two known cures for 0.999 Recurring poisoning;

  • The victim should drink 20 mugs of STFU and go to bed, or
  • The liberal application of a Banhammer to all parts of the victim's body.


  • Victim will initially show heightened aggression to everything.
  • After five seconds of being infected, the victim will respond with immense vigor and fury to any stimulus they encounter.
  • Within a few minutes, the victim's IQ will begin to plummet at a shocking rate.
  • The victim will then become completley out of touch with reality. They may begin to believe they are a pelican.
  • After ten minutes, the victim will then begin deliberatley spreading the infection to as many others as it can find.
  • The victim will suddenly feel a strong urge to mention World War 2.
  • After around eighty more years, the victim will die.
  • Shortly after this, the victim will be instinctivley pulled towards Bournemouth.
  • The victim may wed a gardener.