101 Things You Should Not Do

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Throughout history, man has made it his mission to do


Stuff...


“Yes, very helpful.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the above statement


Stuff which are exciting, fun, humorous, intelligent, life-changing, inspirational, motivating, important, valuable, necessary, loving, giving, challenging, exigent, charitable, and anything which transcends the invisible boundaries of human capacity. These are not these things. If you enjoy living, breathing, maintaining your limbs, or anything which contributes to your continued and remotely comfortable existence, then these are the things you SHOULD NOT do.


“...things you SHOULD do. Got it!”

~ George Dubya Bush on 101 Things You Should Not Do

“I'm Bob Saget, and I approve this, not that it matters in any way.”

~ Bob Saget on fucking animals and cartoons

102-81[edit]

101. Give a Donkey a republican as a birthday gift.
100.9. Give a republican a donkey as a birthday gift.
100.8. Shaving your balls
100.7. Have your roommate shave your balls
100.7.5. Have your Mom shave your balls
100.6. Counting how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
100.5. Eating fire with no pants on.
100.4. Rubbing your head, thinking it will arouse you sexually somehow.
100.3. Drive an early car.
100.2. Be an obstructionist
100.1. Making Fluttershy Cry
100. Use Internet acronyms in everyday language

“Like OMG, I LOL'd when I read that.”

~ Some retarded teenage girl on that aforementioned thing
99. Parking your car on a freeway
98. Covering yourself in combustible fluids
97. Lighting yourself while covered in combustible fluids
96. Engage in oral sex with a Komodo dragon
95. Operating without anesthetics
94. Jumping off a skyscraper
93. Consuming radioactive isotopes
92. Holding your breath, forever

“It seems a bit counterproductive.”

~ Captain Understatement on the aforementioned rule

“Yeah, and everything else here is really helpful.”

~ Captain Sarcasm on the aforementioned quote
91. Poking a hippo
90. X-Raying your reproductive organs over and over again
89. "Upgrading" to Windows Vista
88. Using your legs as collateral
87. Making fun of the Mafia or Uncylopedia Admins (similar but not as snappy in the couture department)
86. Hugging a porcupine/fuck a porcupine
85. Wearing a condom and having sex, in the wrong order (or just wearing a condom)
84. Giving a Democrat an elephant as a gift.
83. Making friends with a psychopath
82. Drinking raw sewage
81. Having sex with a hooker who clearly has AIDS

80-61[edit]

80. Living near a volcano (a billion people are actually doing this)
79. Skinny dipping in shark infested waters
78. Robbing a bank, without a getaway driver
77. Fuck Rosie O'Donnel
76. Playing hide and seek with a grue

“I don't see my name anywhere on this article, oh wait there it is.”

~ Satan on the list of 101 Things You Should Not Do
75. Pissing off Annoying the admins
74. Eating Dominoes

“In Soviet Russia, dominoes eat you.”

~ Soviet Russia on Dominoes
73. Reading chain letters
72. Visit Romania
71. Putting your head through a guillotine
70. Breathing in China
69. Devouring the contents of a public restroom
68. Touching a leper
67. Touching a leopard

“Wait, what's the difference between number sixty eight and number sixty seveaaaAAAARGH!!”

~ Some guy on touching a leopard
66. Picking a fight with Chuck Norris
The last guy who fought Chuck Norris.
65. Dating a vampire-or ask him if he swallows

“Dating a vampire isn't dangerous.”

~ A Twilight Fan on the millions of deaths caused by dating vampires

“Ohhh, yes it is.”

~ A Harry Potter fan on the above comment
64. Betting on an American soccer team
63. Betting on a European football team
62. Playing golf in a thunderstorm
61. Having Nico Bellic as your taxi driver

60-41[edit]

60. Eating Dominoes while watching Dirty Jobs
59. Racing a cheetah
58. Marrying O.J.
57. Watching the Ring
56. Buying pharmaceuticals online from a fly-by-night operation
55. Diving from 60 feet in the air into a kiddie pool
54. Believing everything you read on the internet
53. Drive on the right side of the road in the UK.
52. Drive on the left side of the road in the USA.
51. Shout YES after you have walked through airport security
50. Welcoming hostile alien visitors
49. Press that mysterious red button in the mad scientist's lab
48. Play Justin Bieber with the volume turned all the way up while driving through da hood.
47. Taking Arts as a University Major
46. Farting in a nudist colony
45. Punching Bahommet
44. Bashing God on your deathbed
43. Imitating Criss Angel
42. Taking the red pill
41. Playing hide and seek with a ninja

40-21[edit]

40. Answering the door to a guy named Johny
39. Standing up on a roller coaster
38. Scaring a cop with a tazer
37. Declaring your homosexuality during a Westboro Church Mass
36. Commenting on Vin Diesel's lack of hair
35. Scare a black man
34. Asking Yuriko to read your mind
33. Hugging a boa constrictor
32. Calling Sephiroth a girl

“I am SOB, not a, NOT A SOB, GIRL!!!.”

~ Sephiroth on his feminism
31. Bungee jumping, without the bungee
30. Bringing Snake on an airplane
29. Commenting on Kratos' lack of hair
28. Underestimating an army of 300 Spartans
27. Fighting a Cactus naked
26. Commenting on Dr. Manhattan's lack of pants

“Well I'm sorry if the girth of my reproductive organs prevent me from fitting into a pair of pants.”

~ Dr. Manhattan on his lack of pants
25. Pissing off the Avatar
24. Taking the phrase "I Believe I Can Fly" seriously
23. Being reasonable with terrorists(If Americans come visiting just say "No democracy or bombs today thank you" firmly and close the door.
22. Commenting on Will Smith's recent filming career
21. Making Auron wait

20-1[edit]

20. Arm wrestling Arnold Schwarzenegger
19. Forgetting your partner's anniversary
18. Applying Halo physics to real life
17. Strapping a JATO rocket onto your car
16. Asking Sauron what army he's in
15. Messing with Godzilla
14. Thinking that Illidan can't hear your insults
13. Fighting a Sith Lord
12. Watching Barney in the dark
11. Being cheap with Yojimbo

“You could have told me that earlier!?”

~ Yuna on Thing You Should Not Do Number 11
10. Calling Leonidas a homosexual

“SPAAAAAAARTAAAAAA.”

~ Leonidas on some guy who called him a homosexual

Yeah he is really gay.

9. Having Dr. Doom as your proctologist
8. Sumo wrestling Galactus
7. Criticizing Darth Vader within strangling distance
6. Joking with the Joker
5. Messing with Rambo
4. Resisting the Borg
3. Attempt to catch the Ginger bread man
2. Talking shit about Kratos behind his back. He'll kill you in an extremely painful way if you do that, so painful that it makes all of Cthulhu's tortures combined look and feel like massages. If you talk shit in front of him he'll kill you in a very painful yet much less painful way than talking shit behind his back because if you talk shit about Kratos behind Kratos back, your a pussy, and Kratos HATES pussies.
1. And, the number one thing you should never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVEEEER do is

doing the 101 Things You Should Not Do


“This is going to go great for my next term in office!”

~ George W. Bush on 101 Things You Should Not Do