12 pillars of Hip Hop

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In early 2004, it was decided by representatives from all walks of the hip hop way of life, from the gangsta rappers to the ghetto street dwellers to the wiggaz to Bill Cosby, that there were 12 basic pillars of being hip hop. These pillars are as follows.

Pillar One: Hopscotch[edit]

Hopscotch was originally how the term 'hip hop' came about, practiced by street urchins as far back as the 1940s. This first pillar is to honor all the hip hoppers who came before.

Pillar Two: Graffiti[edit]

Grafitti is a common method of expressing emotions, attitudes, and which niggaz best not step on your turf, lest you and your crew beat their bitch asses.

Pillar Three: Breakdancing[edit]

Breakdancing has been around as long as cardboard boxes, allowing those less talented with their vocabularies to show off with the poetry of their bodies. Breakdancing is a time-honored tradition, which has settled many a gang war through nonviolent means.

Pillar Four: Michael Jackson[edit]

Michael Jackson stands as the fourth pillar as a reminder to all young hip hoppers of what may become of them if they don't say their prayers, eat their vitamins and pimp mad hoes. He also says to come stop by Neverland!

Pillar Five: Beatboxing[edit]

Beatboxing has long allowed young hip hoppers who lack recording equipment to have a beat they can rhyme to, provided by their close friends. This act shows the camaraderie between all walks of the hip hop lifestyle.

Pillar Six: DJing[edit]

DJing allows everyone to pay homage to all great rappers come before, by spinning their tunes and sampling them via computer keyboards for the enjoyment of all. At its best, DJing can be a religious experience for all.

Pillar Seven: Reggae[edit]

Reggae is the primal music from which all walks of hip hop (With the exception of Eminem) derive from, and as such, legends such as Bob Marley and Fatty Arbuckle are is seen as the grandaddy of all rap

Pillar Eight: Rap[edit]

The word Rap is derived from the Latin rappus ("to spit"). Throughout the ages, young men (and women) of a certain age have decided to express themselves by speaking over a beat. In Roman times, this was usually provided by the rhythmic whacking of one's leather sandal against the dry, dusty earth. This technique was later refined with the invention of the 'hitter' -- a crude drumstick, made from the femur bone of a recently defeated Gladiator, as shown in the popular movie starring Russell Crowe.

Throughout the ages, the word rap has crept into many idiomatic expressions, a common one being a rap on the knuckles, which refers to an early form of beatboxing -- literally, rapping into one's knuckles to produce a muffled, percussive sound.

Pillar Nine: The Turntable[edit]

With the exception of Korn, no other music utilizes the scratchy sound of a properly-used turntable to such an effect as hip hop. Going hand in hand with Pillar Six, the proper usage of a turntable can keep the music fresh, and destroy mad LPs in the process.

Pillar Ten: MCing[edit]

MCing, or the art of mass combustion, is the true goal of all walks of hip hop: to develop new sources of clean energy.

Pillar Eleven: Repetitiveness[edit]

Uh. . . Yeah. . . Uh. . . Yeah. . .Uh. . . Yeah. . . Uh. . . Yeah. . .Uh. . . Yeah. . . Uh. . . Yeah. . .Uh. . . Yeah. . . Uh. . . Yeah. . . Muthafuckaz!

Pillar Twelve: Bling aka Ice[edit]

Bling is the way in which all walks of the hip hop community show themselves off, from the clock of Flava Flav to the bronzed chihuahuas of Dr. Dre.

Pillar Thirteen[edit]

Welcome to pillar 13, you have reached the kingdom of Total Stupidity Pull the power cable from your PC and place some Spam in your cd drive and you will reach pillar 14.

Pillar Fifeteen[edit]

You eejit.