1977

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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from 1977AD to 1989AD.

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“1977 just called. It wants its tired and overused personification of dates in relation to past pop cultural fads back.”

~ Cliche on 1977

This is an article pertaining to time. If you were searching for something else, tough shit.

1977

1977 was the year of the funk revolution, when men were men, and women were also men.

• The world begins and people are created with pre-made minds giving them the impression that there was a past. Some people, like "scientists" believe that isn't true. Many regard these as "fucking ignorant" and "meddlesome tossers who are fucking nosy about shit like "understanding"".
• Unisexual was the majority of people.mjbkkjk ED 4meva fuck uncxisjpfe JEWS DID IT.
• Unicycle was not the majority of people. Unicycles aren't people you dumbass.
• 1977 is the year most parents went into retirement.
• A young man wearing a pair of pants with a bumpy square pattern dances so much he heats his pants to 350 degrees and falls on pancake batter, creating the waffle iron.
• The 28th Ice-age ends.
• We give a fine Farewell to Kings!
• Soon, 3 musicians cross the river Alph, scale the frozen mountain of eastern lands unknown, searching for the lost Xanadu, which was held within the pleasure dome, decreed by Kublai Khan, they find the lost Xanadu, they break their fast on honeydew, and drink the milk of paradise. (If Anyone Dosent Know Who This Band Is, Its Fuckin RUSH Alright. Gawd Theyer Like Friken Sweet)
• The entire world, for 2 minutes and 52 seconds, is at once Closer to the Heart.
• Cartoon Sensations Huckleberry Hound, Mr. Ben, Fox Robin Hood & the Original Tazmanin Tazmainian Devil all get killed in a car crash.
• The city of San Francisco witnessed the closing down of several gerbil stores on Castro Street. This was brought on by overuse of gerbils and was known as the Great San Francisco Gerbil Shortage of 1977.
• Many people can fondly remember George Clinton, brother of Bill Clinton, telling the Queen to never mind her bollocks, then running around Westminster whilst shouting "Gabba Gabba Hey!".
• The unsuccessful "Bring Back 1974" campaign is founded, quickly fading into obscurity as many people believe it to be mad.
• Sir Nose D'Voidoffunk defeated by Lollipop Man, Starchild, George Clinton and Bootsy Collins(For a further descussion, see Beat).
• The Prince of Wales is finally circumcised, concluding an operation that had been ongoing since 1972.
• Snooker is declared illegal. Late-night street-snooker becomes the new craze. Thousands are arrested.
• Bacon flavoured ice cream goes on sale for the first and last time.
• Elvis is assassinated AGAIN!
• The Memphis, King of Yodel, Roy Orbison passes away during his wife's dream.
• The State Of Insanity was Entered into the US, Many considered Giving up New Jersey to keep it an even 50.
• Frank Zappa's guitar kills your mama.
• Bath salts and scented candles are given as a gift for the first time. The recipient later beats the giver to death with a Wooden Spoon.
• The 50th anniversary of the Fucking Greatest Year Ever was held rather uneventfully in an abandoned 10 gallon aquarium on the side of I-95.
• To power his Uncyclopedia, Oscar Wilde harnesses the unlimited energy of either a Cat-Toast Device or a Stormtroopers vs. Red Shirts Device.
• ~ beat out Rolling O in the Alphalympic Grand Prix causing the Tungsten Trophy to have to be unbolted from the Team Vowel Trophy case and moved down under to New Tildaland.
• The Web2.0 was discovered under a smelly sock in Walter Kronkite' s kitchen. It was such a stuborn stain that Ajax was invented to remove it.
• Charlie Chaplin dies, and moves to Switzerland.
• Ten Cent Beer Disco Demolition Night. (Or in 1974 or in 1979, whichever you prefer.)
• Cade McNown is born to God.
• COLD! Record cold. Even it snowed in Miami (January 26th).
• GOP party is so wild the cops bust it wide open!
• Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is released in American cinemas, with French viewings following the next day.
• Star Wars is released in theaters and much to the annoyance of timetraveling superfans from the future the movie is not presented in ultra-widescreen HD.
• Palpatine, Knights Pol Pot for his mass murders.
• Jesus goes to a Sex Pistols and Clash concert this year.
• Jesus then dies from a STD that he got at that concert.
• Jesus comes back to life three days later.

1978

This was easily the worst year in history, according to Steve Ballmer. He didn't get to fucking kill anyone.

• The first emo is spotted in Seattle, Washington.
• The Death Star gets destroyed by Luke Skywalker in the battle of Yavin IV but due to a wormhole the explosion is witnessed a year earlier.
• Dapkus is born.
• San Francisco is taken over by mysterious plant people. Evil plant aliens defeated by putting herbicide in the lubricant.

• For some reason, Newt Grewnich appears on 72 major Taiwanese news stations, and speaks about toast.

• Scientists from twelve of the world's leading nations come together to create 1979. This event is later dramatized in F. Nijett's controversial film 1979: The Movie.

Edgar Allen Poe

• January 7th - Black Karl Marx is born with no penis.
• January 23rd - Albert Einstein's clone was created. He is currently playing for the Montreal Canadiens.
• March 8th - The greatest Man to Ever Live was born on this day!
• August All-Day - Trees all around the world fight for sunlight!And the god of Balance is named "Cygnus,the God of Balance".People continure to be tricked my Circumstances,and Alex Lifeson still has nightmares about La Villa Strangiato.
• June 1st - After a beer-party with Bordeaux does the government of Sweden declain the Workers Marseillaise as Royal Anthem.
• June 23d - Geoffrey 'L' is born on this day in Hartford, Connectthedots, (no relation to Geoffrey the Giraffe) although his mother Maya the Bee dies during childbirth due to laws of physics.
• July 5th - First test-tube baby born in Memphis, TN (postponed from original scheduled birthdate due to fireworks).
• July 7/8/9th- Dutch footballing master Edgar Davids is born. "Literally shot out the muff" according to one witness who was too overweight to give any more details on the incident.
• July 21st - the British terrestrial television channel BBC2 is destroyed when an out-of-control dinghy collides with the main transmission mast in Isengard, Norfolk.
• August 29th - Bill Nye the Science Guy's TV show begins its time machine induced 88 year run.
• November 5th - Nick Frame is born, and the country of Funk is created.
• November 7th - Shwellington, a small sub-state of Funk, is created after the wreckage of a mysterious transmission mast is thrown aside.
• November 10th- Shwellington's three-day-old birthday party generates a small black hole that transports all of Shwellington and Funk to the universe of Whatever the Fuck is Going On In Carrot Top's Head. Project Solomon begins.
• November 15th - Also the year I was born, on this day.
• November 19th - This is the day I was born.
• Cocktail Weiners in vogue.
• December 8th - Grandma Joyce meets Grandad
• December 15th - Steven Ronaldo was killed.
• December 23th - the first fart was invented but was misinterpreted as a small elephant being traped inside the man. They proceded to search for the elephant and hence the first prostate check was also invented
• December 25th - Soviet armed forces invade Afghanistan. British communist Comrade Neil Clark sees it as a great opportunity for the country to industrialize.
• December 27th- Something....dull.
• December 30th- Partly sunny, expected showers in the evening.

1979

Tom Cruise ate a Bean Burrito on September 4th, 1979.

This year… It is a very lovely year.

• My PIN number.
• A song dedicated to the year by Smashing Pumpkins made in 1997.
• Inspired some song by the Smashing Pumpkins.
• January 22, 1979 baby jesus was reborn, immediately adopted by cult fanatics in Montana.
• June 22, 1979 Unfocom founded. World gets eaten by grues.
• National Geographic magazine report on Los Angeles, had a quote that projected Hispanics to be a majority of the city's population by "the end of the century"...by 2011.
  • Close, about 50.5 percent, except that's considered racist nowadays.
• Disco was so big, no wonder it died out.
• President Jimmy Carter signs the King Gillette Act, outlawing all sideburns by December 31, 1980 and banning moustaches among heterosexuals and non-law-enforcement personnel by 1988. Violent White House lawn protests are led by Isaac Asimov, Geraldo Rivera and Della Reese.
• The pope released two albums while on a cocaine binge.
• Alex Trebek launched an attack on Mordor.
• The final battle between Heaven and Hell begins. It is a fairly short battle but it comes with great casualties from both sides.
• Harrison Ford invents the transportation device called the Ford Pinto which would later be used by rival Christian sects the Stoners and Alcoholics as a religious ritual becoming known as The Cruise.
• Chinese investors try to revive the Vietnam Adventure! theme park. The attempt fails miserably.
• July 2nd. Death of The Funk.
• On September 4th Tom Cruise ate a Bean Burrito. It damn near killed him, but it didn't.
  • Taco Bell commercial to helped launched his acting career.
• Dschinghis Khan is founded.
• On January 16th I was born. Fact.
• 1979 was shaken down by particularly violent pumpkins. Charges were not Pressed.
• Kimi Räikkönen signs his first contract with Ferrari.
• Bingo the constipated donkey hailed by many as the second coming of Harry The Hamster.
• Bingo the constipated donkey murdered in battle to the death by Harry The Hamster's GHOSTLY FORM.YES.
• The final battle between Heaven and Hell Reaches it's climax as the forces of Hell and the forces of Heaven amass on the fields of Pellennor to wage a final battle. Hell is aided by the Mumakill and the forces of Isengard in this final battle. In the end Heaven wins and in turn Satan has to pay God's rent and has to be a gorillas sex slave for eternity.
• Fleetwood Mac's twelfth studio album (thirteenth overall) "Tusk" is released. It outsells all of their previous records, making Peter Green, Jeremy Spencer, Danny Kirwin, Bob Welch, Dave Walker, Bob Brunning, and Bob Weston go "WTF??? THIS ALBUM OUTSOLD ALL OF OUR PREVIOUS ALBUMS, THE BEST ALBUMS EVER BECAUSE THEY HAVE ME ON THEM???? WTF IS THIS SHIT?? FUCK!" The aforementioned seven men are now the mortal enemies of Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham. They engage in cool anime-like battles every year with Stevie Nicks joining in an orgy with them, Lindsey getting his ass kicked, and the villains parting with "we will meet again, my friends" when Mick Fleetwood, John McVie, and Christine McVie come to their rescue and thwart the evil plot of The Seven Macmen, which is to obliterate Nicks and Buckingham. After that, Buckingham fucked Nicks, even though their relationship was strained and they kept writing songs about how much they hated each other...or something.
• China declares war on Brad Pitt.
• Terry Bradshaw writes his first book "It ain't easy being a Steeler Stealer."
• In Russia, the car drives you.
• Ozzy becomes the Prince of Darkness.
• Jimmy Carter is the worst. US. president. ever.
  • OK, I take it back. He made Israel and Egypt make peace and love, man.
• A smeltdown occurred at Pop-Tart Island.
• An ordinary high school student trips and falls into the cockpit of a giant robot, thereby altering the fate of mankind forever.
• Millions of people stare at walls while listening to "The Wall".
• Junebug skipping like a stone.
• Dec. 31, 1979-Jan. 1, 1980: full moon nights, good luck or bad luck? Ask Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan, and the American or Russian peoples on that one.

1980

The year of the Centaur.

Location

1980 can be found by taking a left turn at 1955 and heading straight through time for 25 years. In later versions, 1980 is available only through the use cheatcodes. Right Left Down Up A B Start!

1980 was a spectacular year.

• "The Good Old Days" officially ended.
• Ronald Reagan was elected President and promptly forgot he ever ran.
• Oscar Wilde comes out as gay.
• The Blues Brothers release the landmark rap album, Your mom.
• Darth Vader's paternity suit was finally settled when it was agreed that he fathered George Lucas.
• Margaret Thatcher ate a three-pound wheel of brie.
• The second coming of Jesus. Archaeologists discover a tomb outside of Jeruesalem and discover the names of Jesus, Joseph, Mary and Jesus' son Judah. Inside they discover a wonderful and shocking discovery. Within the tomb is none other then Metal Jesus himself, alive and well.
• The exhumed remains of Mahatma Gandhi made their Broadway debut in The Peaceful Protester of Calcutta.
• Return of the Killer Tomatoes is published for the first time, and overnight becomes a bestseller.
• John Lennon was assassinated by Satan himself. When tried, Satan claimed "Hey, I can't let peace happen. I'm sorry, it's in my contract, and he was an atheist."
• Soon after, The Beatles promptly resume recording with a John Lennon look-alike, Jon Lenon; they still claim that he had never died. They did admit to Paul's death, though. He had been killed by Pete Best, and they said they just found out that Pete had skined Paul and wore his skin as a suit. Pretty gross. Ringo Starr became a star... again.
• The members of the Miracle on Ice decided that being famous is gay, and let the commies win.
• Other than this, it appears that 1980 has little to do with the rest of history. As the oldest kid in the 198- family, it suffers from a superiority complex, has a deep fear of letting its younger siblings down, and starred in a gay porn.
• Mount Rainier blew up on June 18, 1980, Destroying many tree's and people who were stupid enough to explore a soon to explode volcano.
• Heather didnt call at six pm, like she said she would. It was 6.03. 44 seconds! It will never happen again as long as we all live!
• Chuck Norris eats at McDonalds, and then turned it to a KFC.
• Elvira, Mistress of the Dark purchases the New York Yankees on December 20, 1980 in return for Reggie Jackson's intimate soul.
• Jesus watches Star Wars Episode V in theatres.
• First ever Friday the 13th premieres originally as a B-movie.
• Wayne Gretzky single-handedly defeats the Soviet Union hockey team just to prove to the United States that their win just "wasn't that miraculous".
• Listen up, cause I love you, lady. We go back, like, 1980.
• The premier of the television show Family Fortunes causes Ronald Reagan's controversial inaugural speech to pass with little notice. Reagan was the third United States President to open an inaugural address with the phrase "listen up you cunts!"
• Rush Made This Awesome Album Called "Permanent Waves". They Would Never Realease A Good Album Until 1994. The Whole World Is In Fear Of Becoming Gay. Their Emotions Would Be Changed Later That Year With The Release Of Ozzy Osbourne's First Solo Album "Blizzard Of Oz"

Fun Facts!

1. 1980 was a period during the 80's.
2. 1980 was invented by Al Gore.
3. 1980 started off the decade of the 80's.
4. 1980 the year that invisible airwaves crackled with life,and bright antenne bristled with energy.
5. 1980 is 30 years behind us, and therefore, irrelevant to any of our important lives and old.
6. 1980 is the year that people finaly realized Freewill,thanks to 3 Canadians.
7. 1980 marked a dramatic upswing in the music industry. Thank you, Bob Barker.
8. 1980 marked the birth of several historic people, none of whom you will ever need to know about and/or meet.
9. World War II ended on September 25th, 1980 when at the urgent request of his friends Franklin Roosevelt and Winston Churchill, Adolph Hitler saw a therapist and accepted the fact that he was a genocidal fuckhead due to his father never paying enough attention to him.
10. 1980 is made of delicious candy and can fly.
11. 1980 is actually 1977.
12. 1980 is the year that Glen Stefani changed her/his name to Gwen, even though his/her sex change operation was in 1799!
13. 1980 is the year in which Legendary Dude died and was succeeded by Captain America.
14. On September 4th, 1980, John Denver hit the snooze button on his clock radio.
15. 1980 is the year PS3 development started.
16. 1980 Gay men are marked illegal.
17. 1980 MADD began a crusade to force back the adult drinking age at 18.
18. 1980 Also John Walsh started a cultural hysteria, about child sex offenders.
19. 1980 When the PC left and religious rights began their own crusades.
20. 1980 The end of communism worldwide and the end of freedom in the USA.
21. 1980 is not real. the world actually skipped this decade.

1981

Jan 25 Alicia Keys was born

1982

A year in the early 1980s, notable for the fact that absolutely nothing memorable happened in it except that MZL was born. And isn't that sort of memorable in it's way? The answer, sadly, is no. Perhaps more importantly, John Coltrane's son, Manfred invents the umbrella. Oscar Wilde took a really long dump, and his great-granddaughter, Kim Wilde, becomes famous (in her own right) with the song "Kids in America."

• Your mum had a bath. One momentous point in history I think we can all agree.
• The cake lied in you're mother was born in puddle-Germany.
• Cocaine becomes legal in America for a month.
• Meanwhile, when you order a soda pop, ask for a "Coke! No Pepsi!"
• Lots of things involving Cecil occur.
• Hospital administrators announce that disco has slipped into a coma and not expected to survive.
• Count Takeshi leads his army into war against the Japanese army, which will last just 4 months. Takeshi's army won, re-naming the then Captial City, SushiTrain, to Takeshi's Castle.
• Uncle Rico is left out of the fourth quarter, and his team loses the game. He keeps on saying "If coach had put me in that last quarter, we'd have gone to state. There's no doubt in my mind."
• It is said to be common knowledge among time-travel enthusiasts (who have rather conveniently and suspiciously never been seen) that stopping in 1982 in Killearn, a small commuter village 15 miles north of Glasgow, is actually The Worst Rest-Break possible, as though nothing memorable happened anywhere else, nothing AT ALL happened in Killearn, not even a hiccup. Many choose to continue to time-travel to a more interesting year before stopping to have coffee and a short stroll, which has led to the edges of 1982, December and January, becoming blackspots for time-machine collisions as the travellers grow drowsier. It has recently been proposed that a time bypass be erected over the year, and this is currently being debated in the House of Lords as some have proposed that the bypass be extended to avoid 1983 as well, which would mean nobody'd have to hear anything more about the SDP.
• MCMLXXXII is the alias for 1982.
• Margaret Thatcher disappears in in Whitehall only to be rescued by the Francsican Nuns and a shylock a couple weeks later.
• Randy Rhodes Died In A Helicopter Crash. Stevie Ray Vaughn Said To His Friend "Ha Ha His Pilot Is A DUMBASS!! This Shit Will NEVER Happen To Me. (What A Fucking Idiot He Was)
• Paul McCartney has a wank live on television during an interview.
• President Ronald Reagan defeats Sec'y of State Alexander Haig in a best-of-seven all-night Space Invaders marathon. Haig appeals in vain, citing excessive amounts of pizza grease on the joystick during his turns, but then humbly resigns.
• Operator please connect me with Nineteen-Eighty Two.
• The British begin the conquest for the oil and spoon rich state of Falklands which are owned by a detective Colombo.
• United Nations pass a resolution demanding the Afghanistan unmount from Soviet soilders in Afghanistan.
• Stanford Moore the inventor of Pepper deodorant dies.
• Rutherford B. Hayes' samba band Oingo Boingo shortly ruled the United Kingdom because Queen Elizabeth II had a hangover for two weeks.
• The ROFLcopter was first used by the United States to bomb Cardiff, Wales during the American-Welsh War of 1982.
• Bereaved Roy Orbison fans start dressing up and holding vigil outside his Memphis mansion.
• Props went out.
• Finally Tom Sawyer left the Subdivisions, And Rush Came Out Of The Closet
• Your dad looks exactly like Jim Croce.
• Nov 2: A new television station borns in the UK: Channel 4.
• Queen Elizabeth invented the cannon, then stole Joseph Stalin's time machine. She used it to give cannons to the Romans. However, the cannons melted during time travel, almost ruining them.
• God decides to send Elisha Cuthbert to Earth; she is born in Canada. Years later she is killed, much to her satisfaction, by me. Millions of nerds celebrate with a mass hijacking.
• Harrison Ford systematically murders the entire British Royal Family, after it is believed that they were secretly replicants. As a result of his actions, Ford is honoured by the British government and personally thanked by Margaret Thatcher - who had been meaning to dispose of the Royal Family for several years.
• Rush Came Out Of The Freaking Closet. Thats Why There Is No Page Of Them On Here
• Jenny was doxxed!

Fun Facts

• Very few people realize that California was rediscovered in 1982. Even fewer, care, and yet more, kill themselves because of it.

1983

A sequel to George Orwell's not-so-famous book, 1982. It is also a year. Although this year was never foreseen by fortunetellers, it still appeared early in January and 1984 was postponed to the next year.

• Captain America retires and is succeeded by Captain Marvel.
• Commodore Matthew Perry leads a fleet of black ships to open up Japan to trade with the Mickey Mouse League. The Japanese government eventually signs the Convention of Urayasu, giving a small territorial concession to the league. The concession would eventually become Tokyo Disneyland.
• Janet Jackson wins an Oscar for her role in Grease.
• Ghosts run wild in New York City, prompting the Ghostbusters to kick ass! (they all retired in 1984).
• Isaac Newton created a new and more powerful bandurria.
• Sony Jesus born.
• Pat Butcher is discovered off the Isles of Scilly.
• Top scientist of psychology, theology and biology, Dr. Patricia Benatar uncovers links betwen love, battlefields, hell and children.

Dr. Benatar's original report.

• March 13th - Nothing that isn't unimportant didn't fail to not happen, despite the circumstances.
• 21st September - Chuck Jones is born and immediately takes to watching CBeebies re-runs.
• 25th September - Bugs Bunny first rabbit to climb Everest.
• 29th September - Michael Stipe releases positive energy on national TV, alleviating the United States oil addition. Later, when diagnosed with AIDS, Stipe called on then-president Herbert "Raining Men" Hoover to invade Eritria.
• Ronald Reagan, after having lunch with George Lucas, decides to forge a peace treaty with Wikipedia in order to use their weapons against the Curmudgeons and Reagan "can't recall" what happened later.
• The greatest band in the world, The Melvins, was formed by Buzz Osborne.
• Mr. T kicks ass in D.C. Cab.
• Admiral Donald Duck exterminates the town of Centerville.
  • Centerville, Oregon is also where the Goonies was filmed.
    • And Footloose (Nope, that was like Springville, Utah.)
• Madonna was born to the lead singer of the Bangles.
• My favorite TV show airs for the first time.
  • Isn't that "You wanna go/be/get caught where everybody knows your name" kind of place in Boston?
    • The most famous bar patron is now in Seattle.
• The year before 1984.
• You're dog loose in 1977.

1983 c.e.

In late November 1982 c.e., Pope John Paul II--accepted leader and CEO of the holy roman catholic congolmerate--was informed by the chief engineer of the R&D department that the Gregorian calendar we had all been using for almost 4 decades, was utterly and completely de-funked and in doing so, fucked a goat. Not only that, but it was defunct. According to their calculations, the growing BMI of the American populus had resulted in a slow decay in the Earth's rotational speed. 365 and a quarter complete rotations of the earth had become more than enough to circle our fat asses around the sun. As a result, we had gotten further ahead in history than we realized. With his newly invented knowledgePope JP2 set to work forgin a new calendar. This turned out to be harder than he expected, so he decided instead that every so often, the date would just need to be changed. We call this a leap day and it happens every 4 years when the leader of the HRCC blows white smoke up the papal chimney (I thank you) and we all set our clocks ahead. Of course, noone but the Pope and Burt Reynolds knew anything about this yet, so in early October of the same year, Pope JP2 (and of course, Burt Reynolds), unvailed to the anxiously awaiting share holders, the very second ever papally-induced temporal hickup. Killer Tomatoes Strike Back aired on TV during this time, but nobody took any notice. To compensate for the rapidly decaying accuracy of the old calendar which had so arrogantly been ignored for so many years, the first leap day was a big one, and lasted 412. Yup, we skipped right over 1983. That's why you never meet anyone born in 1983. The year never happened.

1984

“In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches YOU!!”

~ George Orwell on 1984

Iowa Governor and John Goodman-lookalike Tom Vilsack campaigns for the INGSOC Party presidential primary nomination under the slogan, "Let's Enslave America Together".

The world under INGSOC rule.

1984 INGSOC National Convention

1984 was the year that Big Toaster came into power.

• Elvira purchases the New York Mets on February 13, 1984 for $43,000,000 in exchange for 8 blowjobs per year with Keith Hernandez 'til the end of 1987.
• Pokemon Island is founded, bringing thousands of slave Pokemon to work.
• Ted Turner cameback big time and one of her big tits "1984".
• The 1984 Uncyclopedia Convention at Los Angeles, California is launched, but London is also hosting the convention.
• Birth of the universe's greatest, most powerful and most evil dark lord, his lordship lord hellbaron d'osmosis.
• The Green Lightbulb was invented by a doubleplusgood junior scientist not doing any work.
• Grace went under much pressure.
• Jack Spratt catches The Gingerbread Man.
• Doubleplusgoodthinker George Orwell wrote a classic book all about Roger Lodge's 11th year, titled "The Blindest Dentist." Talk about 0\/\/|\|1NG .
• College professor Jim Wubbins, after months of intensive research, came up with his controversial theory of global boring. The theory was largely rejected at the time.
• Big Brother had the Thought Police install spy cameras in your mom's room, making them doubleplusungood sexcrime offenders. Req. bec. unpersons ASAP.
• The 1984 U.S. Presidential election featured the incumbent mannequin of President Ronald Reagan, who beat Olympic hero Mary Lou Retton and Max Headroom in a hotly-contested primary. In the general election, Reagan was seen as vulnerable to Democratic challenger Tom Bailey (lead singer of the Thompson Twins), but Bailey was ruled ineligible as he wasn't a US citizen. The replacement, Walter Mondale, was polling strongly until his campaign made an ill-advised stop in Bhopal, India, where Mondale was overcome by poisoned gas (ironically, a larger gas explosion in Bhopal later that year killed enough Indians that it actually made the news here). After all was said and done, Reagan won every state except Minnesota, as well as Canada, Suriname, New Zealand and the Crab Nebula. Mondale's stuffed body still can be seen at the St. Paul, MN, public library; suggest donation, pictures of your mom naked.
• 11.6.84 times mondale unperson miscount win Minnesota rectify thinkpol.
• 1984 was the rise of the nations of Oceania, Eurasia, and Eastasia. This marked the beginning of a marvelous, and utopian society, free from capitalists and top hats. Unfortunately, some people such as Winston Churchill, didn't follow the wonderful ideals of the Party, and had to be turned in to the Thought Police.
• George Orwell writes 1948, a political thriller involving policemen who travel around on bluebottles, and discover who you want to shove, and then put them in rat tanks.
• Mathematicians "work out" that [math]\displaystyle{ 2+2=5 }[/math].
• The popular T.V. show, WAR IS PEACE, came on the air.
• J.K.R.R. came out with his novel, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY.
• People started using brain-washing techniques, such as IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.
• Incidentally, "IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH" was the name of Richard Simmon's best selling workout video. It was released only in Beta format, because VHS is fascist.
• US Vice President George H. W. Bush visits Eastasia's "Carlyle Group" to discuss investments. Negotiations break down, and Eastasia is branded as part of the "axis of evil". We were always at war with Eastasia.
• Belgian Scientists develop the Awesomicity scale.
• The Autobots and Decepticons were awakened; some groaned loudly and went back to sleep.
• 1984 is when Big Brother was entitled to watching.
• Big Brother then creates the first robot with 100% interchangeable parts: O'Brian. Sadly, this robot was infected with a particular virus that made it desire only love, not war. Dr. Brother called the entire project off to go sulk in his room.
• Gold "pimpin" Sien was not only known to his clients but to most of Canada, who fell in love.
• Newspeak becomes the official language of the United States, as a tribute to its creator, George W. Bush.
• Criminals are sent to Room 101 for immediate, effective treatment and punishment.
• Leonard Bernstein dies a second time.
• Konstantin Chernenko emerges as the new leader of the Soviet Union. British communist Comrade Neil Clark sees him as the best leader the country has had since Joseph Stalin came to prominence over fifty years earlier. Clark then sings a jaunty tune.
• Conan O'Brien enslaves all of humanity.
• In an unrelated story, the Emperor dies, Vader saves Luke and the second Death Star blows up but due to a wormhole the explosion and the sight of Leia in a metal bathing suit is witnessed a year earlier.
• Local superhero group Van Halen releases propaganda album 1984 in an attempt to fight Big Brother.
• Local superhero group Van Halen is destroyed in a suspicious salad bar assassination accident.
• Michael Jackson seemed like a normal black man to us.
• Women and teenage girls try to top each other with perm size.
• Several panda bears breathe fire for the first and only time.
• A small tomcat appears on the Tonight Show; it devours one guest and a producer before vanishing.
• Dan Rather forms out of the aether.
• Goonies lose little-known member 'Steve' in horrific pitchfork accident.
• G.I. Joe member 'Blowtorch' confused with 'Snow-Job' for the first out of twelve-hundred times. It will always be funny.
• Summer Olympics in L.A. adds to patriotic binge in the US, not to mention the Soviets boycotted the games. No unshaven legged East German gymnasts on roids.
• Russian hordes ("the Red Flags are coming") invade a small West coast town only later to be thwarted by Patrick Swayze and a bunch of kids who called themselves the "wolverines".
• The "wolverines" were actually the first neo-Nazis (hey, they hate commies a lot more than the Jews).
• But INGSOC got rid of the "wolverines".
• By the order of Big Brother, the "wolverines" never existed.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!

• The last good year of Van Halen's lives.
• It is found out that Van Halen originated from Eurasia war with them follows. We were always at war with Eurasia.
• Justin Damn Garner
• According to Ants - the best year for a fine vintage wine
• According to Big Brother, you never existed.
• The gay transvestite pirate, Pete Burns and co. releases their # 1 hit, "You Spin Me Right Round" in november 1984.Which became a world wide sensation in the gay community in germany. Hitler banned the song after a month because the video made all of germany vomit, due to Burns looks, hitler killed himself.

1985

“October 26 Once this baby hits 88 mph, you're going to see some serious shit ”

~ Doc Brown on the night of his Time Travel Experiment!

• Title of a 2005 song by Bowling For Soup.
• A poll taken by the Associated Press indicates 1985 is considered to be the most boring year of all time.
• One of the Bushes is most likely president during this time.
• Oops, sorry, it was former ventriloquist puppet Ronald Reagan , who, at age 146, was sworn in for yet another term as President of these here United States.
• January 8th - Math is born.
• Also common sense has died.
• Rock Hudson dies of embarrassment at age 59 (disputed).
• The Color Purple was the actual name of an actual movie that people actually paid real money to see. God, that's depressing. Oprah may have been involved somehow.
• I wasn't born.
• Neither was I.
• Me neither.
• i wasnt either
• but I was.
• So was I.
• Finestone married Silberberg and became Finestberberg.
• May 11th: Christian god "God" sent his other only son Robot Jesus II to fight off the Rap singers and welfare babies bred by poor smelly Hippies with no jobs.
• May 14: Dane Cook has his 2nd baddest case of "Itchy #######" .
• Live Aid, the biggest, over-hyped ego-fest of the 1980s, raises billions of dollars to help African dictators buy mansions on the French Riveria.
• Speaking of the French, they score their only military victory ever by sinking the Rainbow Warrior, an unarmed ship powered by granola and positive thoughts and crewed by tree-hugging eco-freaks. Let the fireworks begin!
• Descendants of the Wright Brothers invent the 3DO aircraft.
• Nigel announces his love for Chutney.
• During this year, there was Springstein and Madonna. Contrary to popular belief, they were introduced to popular music way before Nirvana.
• The O'Brien Death Camp for the first and only time had a 100% death rate.
• Madonna lost her virginity on stage again!
• INGSOC is overthrown by Gorbachev who says its in the way of his Iron Curtains.
• Cocaine becomes the official vegetable of the United States.
• Disco Dancers are placed on the list of endangered species.
• John Petrucci and Mike Portnoy form the band Dream Theater and began their plans for world domination.
• Microsoft announces Windows 85! Windows 85 was the first OS to support BSOD, the most important feature since 1337, now used in every computer. The product's release date was postponed for 1986, though.
• The Gingerbread Man is caught.
• Jesus comes back as Zombie Jesus, eats a few pedestrians, then ascends back into Heaven.
• Martin McFly mysteriously disappears from Hill Valley, CA. Also reported missing is Dr. Emmett Brown. The television news media reports that Brown may have kidnapped the young boy and used him for evil experiments. The ensuing uproar over this disappearance leads to the passage of "Marty's Law", forbidding scientists from kidnapping minors, upon penalty of 1000 years in prison, in spite of McFly and Brown later appearing unharmed in town. The law remains on the books, although Michael Jackson is the only person ever to have been prosecuted under it.
• Some kid steals a Gundam as a senior prank, and becomes a war hero.
• everything was about Madonna.
• Prince partied like it's 1999, even though 1999 hadn't happened yet.
• No, Bowling For Soup. Just no.
• "No soup for you" said the soup Nazi.
• Sci-fi thriller Soylent Green premieres.
• "This soup...fertilizer...and lamp shades, are made of people...PEOPLE!!!"
• Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, U2, and Blondie
• The famous polka-rap group NWA was founded when Knuckles wanted to create a polka-rap group, but Dr. Dre stole his idea.

1986

Year of Snail Slime™

• Blood Rains for the first time in history. It would periodically rain over Slayer concerts until Kerry King demanded that it stop.
• March 17 - Gas explosion in Tokyo kills 17 year old schoolgirl.
• March 22 - Kazakh Scientist Doctor Yamak is born.
• March 28 - Finnaly the snail slime was discovered.
• March 29 - The Snail Slime™ is exported around the world.
• March 30- Chile pride itself to be Snail Smile maker.
• March 31- Mexico sued Chile for the original copyright.
• April 1 - Someone puts a cyanide-laced straw in the Snail Slime.
• April 2 - US bans all Snail Slime, Smile or whatever it is.
• April 3 - Chilean economy ruined yet again from those meddling Yanks.
• April 4 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of a single by hardcore rap collective The Beach Boys.
• The Bananular Phone was invented.
• Steve Allen is born.
• Billy Carter is found in a dumpster somewhere in Nebraska.
• May 7 - Steaua Bucharest won the European Champions Cup against Barcelona.
• June 24 - Rasputin’s Penis becomes self-aware, and kills millions.
• June 31 - George Clooney is not born.
• July 14 - SpongeBob is born.
• August 23 - Neil Cicierega is born.
• Ballet dancers attacked the Statue of Liberty, but were driven away crying like pansies when Metallica's Pastor of Muppets was played very loudly.
• The birth of Kelly "Fatty" Williams.
• The population of Mars was cut in half by a typhoon from the western pacific.
• Partick Thistle Football Club are thrown out of the World Soccer hooligans Cup, for Good Sportsmanship.
• Enthroned Insanity's debut album In the Jesus is released. It would become perhaps the greatest thrash metal album of all time.
• Bill Buckner attempts to step in front of a Queens, NY subway, hoping to take his life. However, the train went right through his legs. If you don't know baseball, I'm not explaining that reference.
• Christa McAuliffe, the teacher on the space shuttle Challenger, wondered, "What does this button do?"
• Mainhardt Graf von Nayhauss was arrested for vampirism
• Thousands were killed in Vice City, shortly after the passing of Hurricane Hermione.
• The Maltese-Vatican Conflict started in March 15th, 1986.
• Nuclear engineers at Chernobyl find a storage room full of xenomorph eggs directly beneath a nuclear reactor. A security guard at Weyland-Yutani corporation promptly hits the self-destruct button to hide the evidence.
• I was born! No, that was 1985 stuupid!
• I, however WAS born, Jan 6th baby! (DIK)
• Darth Wilde is born.
• Throughout the year Tommy Vercetti kills 14,000 people in Vice City, Florida.
• The Tooth Fairy project was ended in the biggest media breakdown the world has ever seen.
• October 16 - The ACM born.
• All of the real emos died out.
• I was born and that's all that matters.
• Me too!
• Me 'n'all.
• "The quest for the sacred jewel" was the last movie to be released on the CED format.
• I can go back to 1986 and prevent you all from being born.
• Me too, I'm looking for a Sarah Connor. Is she here?
• Nope..."I'll be black".

1987

This year is considered to be the most 80ist year of the 80's.

• Wall Street crashed into Buttkick Street, everyone lost their stock values and everyone felt like it is 1929 again.
• George Orwell was attacked by a rabid mob because they finally figured out that 1984 was not a true story. Nobody knows where George is currently living, although it is rumored that he is living with Chuck Norris in a small suburb of Boston, and owns an ice-cream parlour under the false name of <insert name here>
• The Brave Little Toaster was released. There's no cake in it.
• Rick Astley sings Never Gonna Give You Up for the very first time.
• The first Rickroll occurs when millions of people, thinking that they are buying the latest Ozzy Osbourne album end up with Rick Astley instead.
• March 2nd. Someone throws bacon at whatever rich white guy is the President at the time.
• Kate & Allie walked down a street, trading quips while soft piano music played in the background.
• Friday, March 13 becomes Imperial Stormtrooper Remembrance Day.
• Jack Bauer murders twenty people in a village in Wyoming on the early morning hours of November 3. He got away with it, because he's Jack Bauer.
• Vincent Valentine gives birth to Shadow the Hedgehog, 100-time winner of "Hitman of the month".
• March 9th. The first Bring A Seahorse To School Day took place in Wilma, Ohio, despite the lack of seahorses available locally.
• April 3rd. Badgers were invented, by eccentric inventor Alfred Hitchcock.
• The first internet meme was created, involving frenchmen dancing to the Naruto theme song.
• Mystic Meg made her screen debut in Casablanca.
• Wikipedia's creator, Jimmy Wales, implodes, then is resurrected.
• April 7th. A nuclear reactor blew up in a Colombian city and killed everyone.
• The "Ninth Renaissance" began on Tuesday, only to end the following Monday. Baby wipes, salad forks, paper bags and small mice were invented.
• General Maximus Leetus was deposed in Bevanistan .
• May 2nd. The Third non-World War began and ended with Pi's victory.
• An extra Olympics were held, after complaints by Mordorian athletes that they had been unfairly discriminated against in the previous event.
• The Main Street Treaty is signed creating a common currency, the Disney Dollar, in the Mickey Mouse League.
• 김 진우 is born.
• Wikipedia creates a new law: no vandalism.
• I was born. Coincidentally, you were also born.
• Lync Volan dies.
• September 10: Barry Scott drank his first bottle of Cilit Bang. This also coincided with his first stomach transplant.
• It was not a very good year for productivity.
• The RPG Toolkit is created by Norwegian scientist Xavampz.
• Paris Hilton III is cloned in a secret lab on Alderaan. She would later arrive on Earth with one sole mission: annoy all life.
• Water was invented by Adolf Hitler just before his second untimely death by drowning.
• Everybody got cable TV by then.
• May 19: Jack Dude undergoes a successful sex change. Changes name to Jack Chick.
• The city of Wakefield was destroyed when a 6-month old general accidently set of one of the Wakefield Super Chav Army's thermonuclear weapons thinking it was a toy bear.
• The Bank of England reveals its new Bacon Barometer, a device for using cured pork products to detect changes in the housing market.
• I learnt to juggle.
• September 21: The smartest, most talented, and generally just the greatest person ever to live is born. (He remains in hiding to this day.)
• October 9th. World War 3 started when Russia sues Germany for breach of contract in 1941 and Germany countersues for loss of earnings.
• Mr. Smith from Welling stepped on an ant, killing it.
• Your mom gets pregnant... again.
• Your mom gives birth to your little brother.
• Lesson: Mommy allowed you to see her naked, the butt up in the air and a baby come out of her vag. Also you get to see her BIG...belly, but her boobs too.
• Dad video-recorded it on his NEW camcorder. Costed more than his mobile phone the size of his face he talks to while driving to work in a white-collar crime and then he lost his job when the Wall Street crashed, then Wal-Mart hired him and you guys still lost everything to become homeless like lots of people then.
• May 11: Jennifer Jones a.k.a. Walgreens' future riding bitch of back house pharmaceutical operations is born.
• December 10: Some Argie dude gets born in France, sparking off an epic World Cup debate in 2010.

1988

“This was, by far, the best year EVER to get waxed.”

~ Black Sabbath on 1988

1988 was the year Charles Nelson Reilly was elected President of the United States of America. He was later forced to resign in shame after the Han Solo Scandal. It is also the year that the Sheep Strikes started.

Alternatively, 1988 is a novel written by George Orwell and was published in 1988. He finished it in 1984, but said, "1984 was soooo four years ago!" and changed the title out of extreme happiness when his manuscript finally got dug out of an extremely nice editor's slush pile.

A number of people were born within the year (although many believe everyone went sterile after Kobe Bryant's Birthday Bonanza the previous year on the 23rd of August) Including:Spencer Levine,Devon Merril, Omar Zakkay, and Grant Alward.

Events

Any given day in 1988, after July 4

You liked it up the ass since July 4

• January 4 - The Great Rotund Hair Dressing was breathed into existence by the Undying Bryant Lewis, a.k.a. The Beast from eastern Canadian Spelunkers Association for the advancement of the Saudi Arabian doughnut kings. Soon, after the Saudi Arabian doughnut kings revolted against their own religion, Jedi, and vomited the seed of one thousand small bison.
• January 3 - Phantom Japanese Log Riders destroy Yellowstone during a spelling bee.
• January 5 - They was born.
• January 12 - Pierre Fermat dies. Then someone resurrects him.
• February 33 - Your dad meets your mom; consequently, you don't exist.
• March 18 - Personal Indicator is born to Chuck Norris and any one of a few dozen concubines. Also the birth date of James Armstrong, king of Meldon.
• March 21 - Spring equinox, a band named White Viking Warriors of the Northern Dark Solstice, hold the first pagan black metal concert in Norway.
• March 31 - The Antichrist is born, but due to being born to a poor family on welfare, is promptly aborted.
• April 1 - Antti Korpela is born.
• April 14 - The phrase "i'm with the stupid" reached the top of Mountain Everest.
• April 21 - Fred Phelps and Medusa square off in the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit for the WWF main event. Chaos occurred when Robby Thompson was bit by Dracula and changed his name to "Alucard." Christopher Lloyd was reborn and arrested for shoplifting.
• May 8 - The Antichrist is born again. Thirteen years later to the day he tells his old man to "get screwed" and decides on a life of music.
• May 12 - A Hacker was born on this fucking day.
• July 4 - The Bush family decides nukes are the patriotic way to celebrate the holiday.
• July 5 - Many mutations are seen in the wildlife.
• July 6 - The Bush family declares, “Nukes are for terrorists and Saddam has them!”
• July 8 - I was born before you and I have the power of Matshishkapeu om my side.
• July 9 - You are born. And if you weren't born on July 9, 1988, too bad.
• July 20 - Rasputin’s Penis defects to the U.S.A.
• July 29 - Somebody gave birth to someone
• August 1 - Sir Thomas Coffee dies of AIDS.
• September 3 - Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God buys out IHOP's Manchurian Division.
• October 6 - He and She was born.
• October 7 - We was born.
• October 20 - Joel Grey was not born. Unlike the common belief, he was in fact born 1 (one) whole day later, on October 21, 1988.
• November 3 - Michael Dickson and his clone are born to Darth Vader and a time - travelling Jessica Alba.
• November 15 - I was born.
• November 16 - Me was born.
• November 19 - David Rolfe once again fights against his rival, Austin the Cheetah.
• Weird Al releases his movie UHF in an attempt to brain wash humanity.
• December 1 - Swoosie Kurtz was born.

• November 19 - Edwin Brewster was born. International sex symbol, and in the Guinness book of records: Fastest time for shearing sheep 10 years running.

• NO!! vember 20 - Big Toaster is watching you. STILL.

Everyone was on fire.

I have proof, well sort of.

• December 31 - The world ends. Complete nothingness lasted for 3.41 milliseconds, before Michael Dukakis, aka God created The Second Big Bang.
• December 32nd causes confusion for the new years celebrations, in future years the 32nd day is scrapped.

Everyone was on fire. I have proof, sort of.

1989

Main article: 1989

• It's like "68" turned upside down, though "96" is the same with "69" LOL.
• The largest perm finally explodes, ending the fad of big hair.

1990

A year in the Twentieth Century during which all events not memorable enough to be assigned a particular year occurred. These include:

Events

• Communism is bullied into submission by the Meanies (Capitalist Pigs).
• File:Nobody gets ice cream.gif
• The release of "Vienna" by Ultravox
• Rap star Joe Shaw dies of AIDS, he tried to stay HIV positive throught his infection.
• The time-space continuum is weaved from the fabric of a rather frayed wool cap.
• Michaël Mostaert was born.
• The launch of the Sinclair C-5 electrical scooterette
• The birth of every member of every boy band ever
• Soviet's invade and take over Seattle. Major retreat to USSR takes place after witnessing a Gay Parade and the invention of Starbucks
• Various World Wars occurred
• Luke Skywalker opening the first brothel in history to feature only she-males and Grover Cleveland impersonators.
• The discovery of the planet Pluto, who infamously hangs-out with your anus.
• The Chernobyl disaster.
• The Titanic sinks.
• Oprah Winfrey trips over during her visit to San Fransisco, and causes a huge ass earthquake. It killed over 9000 people.
• Kathryn Chipman was born on 22nd Jan along with that Balthazar dude from 'Lord of the Flies'.
• Some geek finishes memorizing the entire script to Life of Brian
• Science fiction novels are sometimes based in this year.
• Your mom and your dad married in this year.

• Origins: 198x lies between 197something and 199... 2? in the Calendar of Doubt to which all sentient beings assign events whose actual dates of occurrence they (a:) never knew but pretend they did or (b:) genuinely once knew but have since forgotten. 198x was created in February 1990 as soon as the pretentiousness level of referring to the previous decade dropped below 8.5 points.
• Components: 198x contains the early 1980s, the mid-1980s and the late 80s. It is sometimes erroneously ascribed occurrences from the early 1990s in much the same way that much of the 1970s are mistaken for the 1960s.
• Troubleshooting: 198x can be solved to a accuracy of 365.24 solar days by groups of eight or more people which are statistically obliged to contain at least one memory freak who can pinpoint any occasion in any decade to within one week by recalling the song which was at the top of the charts when the event occurred.