1984 Uncyclopedia Convention at Los Angeles, California
The 1984 Uncyclopedia Convention at Los Angeles, California was the third meeting of the Grand Uncyclopedia Contributions Grange of the 20th Century. The 1984 Uncyclopedia Convention is the most important in the history of Uncyclopedida as not one, but two cities held the convention because of a tie in the final bid.
After the 1946 Uncyclopedia World Cup, the organisers have only 38 years to organise the convention. They held a series of bids based on the Olympic ones. After 18 rounds of bidding, including five cases of vote manipulations and scandals, in 1979, London and Los Angeles tied together as both winners. As a result, the convention was held at two locations, with the first half of competitions and the exhibition at London, and the second round of competitions and the Uncyclopedia Disco in Los Angeles. The organisers only have five years to organise the convention in two locations, so 100,000 people were picked as officials and organisers. They were divided into the London Commitee and the Los Angeles Commitee.
As Los Angeles is also hosting the 1984 Olympic Games and the Uncyclopedia Convention is using these facilities built for the 1984 Olympics, the Los Angeles Commitee only focused on building accomodation. The London Commitee, on the other hand, have to use the Wembley Stadium to stage the convention. Part of the mouth of the River Thames was filled in with garbage and soil to construct a 5 square km temporary island located about 55km away from London and is built to house the participants and the multi-national confab.
Once completed, the temporary island would house the expected onslaught of comedians, Monty Python fans, volunteer editors, fund raisers, functionaries, supernumeraries, administrators, and contributors for a month. After the exhibition was closed, the squatters then moved inside until the island's demolished in 1986.
An invitation is hereby extended to everyone, but...
Invitations were extended to all those wishing to contribute something more than jokes about human genitalia and obtuse references to silly games, and for the first time ever, racist jokes were banned because many people are too politically incorrect. Whereas the 1901 Uncyclopedia Convention at Buffalo, New York had been mostly a Whites-only event, other ethinic groups of the world, including black people, were invited to attend including the Russian States of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. South Africans were banned from attendence because they are "too white" and secondly, they cause a terrible smell in the convention.
Several hundreds of people from the newly created African nations arrived at the scene, to embrace the American and British comedy. One African even offered to make up jokes and brought his comedy ideas to his home country and became famous. And the guy's name was Chris.
Most of the participants are American and British, but certain others came in, including the Chinese. Richard Nixon was invited, but was later barred from participation becuase he was tested positive for drugs. Notable participants include:
- Margaret Thatcher - major supporter of the 1984 event in London, she announced that in 20 years, Uncyclopedia will be found in computers. She was later found to be right.
- Ronald Reagan - performed "Take on Me" in front of 800,000 people in London and Los Angeles simultaneously, with London having to show it on the big screen and Los Angeles performed live.
- Mikhail Gorbachev - did a 1-hour-joke about the West and comparing it with Soviet Russia. At the end, he announced that he is going to create glasnost back in his home country, so he could "bring Uncyclopedia to the comrades to develop their own version. In Soviet Russia, Uncyclopedia makes fun of YOU!"
The Los Angeles Series
The Los Angeles Series started off with a bang, as people from around the world showed off their jokes, including the Japanese. The most controversial joke was pulled off by a British comedian, who told a racist joke which goes like this:
- “How can you tell if a Polish girl is a virgin?”
- Answer: “She’s the one getting fucked in her ear”
The comedian was forced to apologise a day after the incident, in front of thousands of civil rights protesters and the SPLC. This incident was the most controversial in the world of comedy until 2006, when a comedian used the word "Nigger". Incident aside, the Los Angeles series did so well. The Soviet Union was going to compete, but boycotted because the "Americans hate the Soviets and there is an anti-Soviet hysteria whipped up in there". Sceptics say that they are only doing this because America didn't went to their Olympics. In the comedy trials, Britain won 3-1 against France with their "French surrender" jokes which weakened the morale of the French comedians. But then Britain lost to Australia when they introduced their secret weapon: sketches with stand-up comedians.
Could anything get worse in 1984?
Nobody cares about the rest of the comedians. But there was a massive outrage when an American comedian said "Nobody cares about Iran!" and Iran threatens to launch a nuclear bomb onto America.
Severe changes are made regarding Uncyclopedia:
- Uncyclopedia will be available on the Macintosh, provided that they come in two versions and be available in IBM computers as well: in floppy discs and large disks. A computer called the UncyclopediAC (Uncyclopedian Automated Computer) 64 was released to handle only Uncyclopedia articles and have a setting in which you can choose different languages; one being Braille, the other being English, and the other being AAAAAAAAA!
- Uncyclopedia will be available on ARPANet for the military to use. Goatse is also available on request.
- Since Internet was already invented, Uncyclopedians get Uncyclopedia on Commodore 64.