1990

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1990[edit]

  • After being in the dark for almost three thousand and some other number of days, 1990 produced three celebrities.
  • New Kids on the Block climaxed in their popularity. They still sucked ass.
  • In 1990, probably the last decade of innocence, no one was as of yet aware of such a concept as "legal credit card theft". No one had even the slightest inkling at this point in time that any human government would consider for one NY minute that credit card companies could allow people to go over their limit then slam them with a loansharkesque "over-limit fee".
  • The song, "Diaper Poop Pee Stinky" is recorded at Nickelodeon studios, but later made popular to the Spongebob Squarepants episode "Skill Crane".
  • I am officially older than the lord of the sponges, and have used today's greatest technology to defeat him.

Important Conceptions[edit]

  • 1990 is also the year that Republicunt was conceived.
  • After introduction in the later eighties, wearing a double-breasted suit became more acceptable.
  • The Air Bag, although in use since 1890, is developed for automobiles by SRS Corporation.
  • Late in the year, scientists discover a cure for penicillin.
  • Halliburton develops the world's first antimatter reactor under the In Living Color Project.
  • Political correctness became the official ideology to replace Communism and "free market" Capitalism replaced the "puritan" work ethic.
  • 1990 is the year teen pop sensation Justin Timeberlake invinted the Space Crawl( a rip of MJs moonwalk)

Births[edit]

  • In 1990 the Dutch soap Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden (Good Times, Bad Times) was born. Acutally, it was revived in the Netherlands because it was born in Australia in 1977.
  • Aly, queen of worlds - 4 January
  • January 24: MagicLeprechaun's Birth was marked with solar flares, riots, plagues, tsunamis and by Tim Robbins' attempted rape of Michael Jackson.
  • February 3: A blot of lightning transformed a blade of grass into a man known as DoD.
  • February 13: The Pat years begin.
  • February 23(30): Calendar changed, the earth's orbit missed about a week.
  • March 1: Spark Man was born - no explanation needed.
  • March 14: Michael Dukakis was given new life - as a zombie.
  • April 5: The Reincarnation of the Easter Bunny is attempted, but the police break apart all druid gatherings on the Prime Meridian. When the FBI breaks down a secret meeting, thousands of eggs are massacred.
  • April 10th: Save changes to Dcoument1.doc?
  • April 23: Emo Hitler was born again, shortly after cutting himself to death. No one knows why.
  • May 2.0: Nazi starship called "Mr. Bad-Ship" destroys Dr. Lt. Prof. Mr. St. Maxinvercle Yizzletron XXIV.
  • May 4th: Mr. Saxon, future president of the Galaxy and discover of where socks go in the washing machine will rise among the ashes of fried chicken and rotten egg.
  • May 12th: Lachlan King, future president of the world and the discoverer of Atlantis, is spawned from an over-cooked cheese omelette.
  • May 13th: Steve Martin is born for the third time in his 4 year lifespan.
  • May 21 - Magnet Man was created by Milwaukee scientist Dr. Wily.
  • August 20th: President George Bush "41" sent troops to Kuwait, but didn't do squat except to protect Bush's valuable oil fields.
  • August 19: During the movie McDonald Returns, Ronald McDonald robbed a Safeway in Hollywood CA and kills Brenda Chance and 2 workers.
  • August 23rd: Ra-chelle Hardin, not Hard-On, was born on this day to her loving family. She has deemed herself a bu-buckin' spidermonkey, thus serving as the reason why she decided to put this here.
  • August 26th: Phyllis Diller gives birth to Zcxxaeopvaandnwwidnc£emcs Diller, the only human ever named with a pound sign. Zcxxaeopvaandnwwidnc£emcs was then shot with a double-barrel shotgun by a completely oblivious Tom Green. As punishment, Green was exposed to large quantities of Uranium-235 which led to his testicle cancer and the reason why many people are now not eating chicken.
  • November 3: Pat Borders was born at the age of 25.
  • Bill. You know Bill! From the Christmas party?
  • September 25: The Most Important Birth - Michael Irvin! (by way of time machine, he was re-born to create a paradox equation, in the words of Doc Emmett Brown.

Media:Example.ogg

  • December 14Kaylee Alexandra Thompson
  • December 31: Closest full moon night in 9 years (oh wait, that was Dec. 21, 1999 or Dec. 11, 2008). Who cares?


Deaths[edit]

  • The 80's.
  • Renald Sneep
  • Glam Rock (see Ratt).
  • Big Motherfucking Hair.
  • 19 August: Brenda Chance and 2 Safeway workers (shot by McDonald)
  • Boindetanaroxifana Bodeshamataliopeesha Jackson.
  • The entire city of Mianus.
  • Adolf Hitler.
  • The band Skid Row were overthrown from their positions as Chief Division Representatives for the major arms dealer company the Ronald McDonald House, by the eco-terrorist group E.L.F.. After the Subsequent takeover, the Band's public execution was staged and broadcast on the Internet.

and * Ronald Reagan's mental age.

  • marshmallow man died after going on the atkins diet and having a heart attack
  • Black Michael Jackson

Near Death[edit]

  • 19 August: Shaggy from The Scooby Doo Series in McDonald Returns. (almost executed)
  • Bob almosts kills himself. But his Grandma and Your Mom beat him to it.

1991[edit]

  • The last time that Metallica released a decent album. Actually, that was a lie. Metallica have never released a decent album.
  • January 1 George Bush (Sr.) overthrows the US government and establishes himself as the Emperor of America. Meanwhile Bill Clinton moves to Paris, France.
  • Wolfgang Fritz Rainer was strangled to death by enemy Neil Armstrong.
  • Neil Armstrong landed on the moon on the Apollo 12 mission
  • Watergate was cancelled.
  • Taddington death tube kills 7
  • World War 2 was briefly restarted from April 12 - 18th.
  • Sakai won all Iron Chef battles.
  • Rasputin’s Penis is granted a full pardon by Mikhail Gorbachev.
  • Kangaroos were invented.
  • Kurt Cobain dies after choking on a smartie.
  • Tupac Shakur rises from the ashes in New York City, Alabama.
  • The comic book Watchmen is published.
  • Jamaican psychic Miss Cleo's head inexplicably explodes. It is later suspected the result of Exploding Head Syndrome.
  • June 5: Filipinos rejoiced when the Rapture arrived, then sued God when he said they weren't Baptist enough to deserve it.
  • June 17: G-Nutz and The Resistance that was found in the mid '80s by Jimmy Carter aka Mr. Peanuts aka DJ Peanuts-Salty to rebel against the federal government, finally fell due to personal disputes and an invasion by The Rokin' Alliance led by former G-Nutz gansta LL Cool Tomatoe.
  • Death Row is founded by Suge Knight, Dr. Dre and Willy Wonka.
  • The Fourth of July was cancelled. George Bush would later say that this was an act of terrorism by Hitler.
  • Captain Marvel dies and is succeeded by Superman.
  • July 7th- First king of Earth is born, takes the throne 28 years later
  • September 28 Jesus briefly came back, however, nobody looked busy (and there were far too many novelty t-shirts) and so he left again. Typical.
  • October 4 - Z was born into the family of B. They disowned him and moved him to the end of the alphabet.
  • The church destroys all known documentation about stingrays, with the exception of the transcription of an oral presentation by an elementary school student.
  • October 10 the world asploded yet again because of termites.....dam them
  • October 16 Some chick named Sam is born. She achieves nothing with the exception of winning 3 medals at a German competition. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
  • Telescum New Zealand concludes in an internet survey that 95% of New Zealand citizens like to be screwed around. It has since been confirmed that Telescum mislaid the survey results and replaced it with an internet survey of people who spoke l337, asking them if they thought they were h4x00rs and they pwned. LOL!
  • The act of kitten huffing was outlawed in Latvia and Sweden.
  • Penguins lost the ability to fly.
  • Attack of the Killer Potatoes airs on the BBC, while Killer Tomatoes Eat France! debuts on American television.
  • Dr. Seuss was cryogenically frozen by Shania Twain and her band Franz Ferdinand only to be thawed out, raped, murdered, and consumed in his entirety by the Keebler Elf.
  • God's clumsy butler drops the Soviet Union, causing it to shatter into about 15 or so pieces. Ethnic strife gets all over floor.
  • Wesley Willis hit old people with folding chairs.
  • Noel Edmonds releases his comeback album "Led Zeppelin VII".

1992[edit]

The Year of the Pancake.

1992 never actually happened as it was kidnapped by 1991 who wanted to be the longest year ever ever ever. Luckily, 1993 destroyed the evil 1991 and since by this time it was January 1, 1993, 1993 decided to give it's first six months to 1992 and 1993 had the final six months.

  • The Beatles release "Led Zeppelin IV"
  • Led Zeppelin release "Led Zeppelin IV"
  • The first year without a cold war, hot war or Nazis affecting Western nations since 1928.
  • Bob Monkhouse was crowned King.
  • Macaulay Culkin was tied to a post and shot for Heresy in Suffolk, England, The Isle of Wight.
  • The World Record for Sheep Shearing was broken by Terry Wogan on his comeback to TV: "Wogan's the best, yeah?"
  • Princess Anne was released back into the wild in Africa from captivity as a practical joke.
  • Virtua Fighter is released by Sega.
  • The Maastricht Treaty forced all members of Europe to have a wash, because they all smelt of Sony.
  • Carl Johnson killed half the world population.
  • Virtua Fucker goes berserk, kills other half of world population
  • The secret society known as Evanescence forms under the cover of a hip-hop group, in an attempt to solving the mystery of the next evolution level of the Pokémon, God.
  • Adam Sandler found a quarter on the side of a road. He was later sued for 250,000 Australian pies.
  • Reconstituted International Peoples Church of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the Scooby Gang is founded.
  • Keanu Reeves eyes were declared clinically dead on March 3rd.
  • Rodney King is beaten half to death after he steals a piece of bread...this results in an alien invasion that destroys the world.
  • The great fur war began.
  • Emo Hitler horribly disembowels Elvis Presleys evil Clone.
  • Mark David Chapman is dies in Wyoming after being raped and killed by flamingos.
  • Michael Jackson, after destroying the Death Star, freed countless monkeys from the reach of Osama Bin Laden.
  • Wesley Willis moved to the North Side of Chicago, and became the rock star at last.
  • Hurrican Andrea nasty thunderstorm that hit the Florida to Par-TAY
  • The world would actually have been saved from the imminent coming of the Apocalypse. Thanks a lot, 1992 babies... We're screwed because of you
  • Lies Damned Lies and slander!
  • Wayne's World comes out and forever makes the annoyingly annoying catchphrases "schwing!" and "excellent!" burned into our brains.
  • The Technology Era begins, marking mans Peak at prosperity, and then shortly after its Extinction by Cybernetic Gumblites.
  • Creedance Clearwater Revival ascends to heaven during a reunion tour.
  • 1987 writes its award winning biography, "A Year In The Life of a Year".
  • Hitler is still dead, despite any legislations that he is living with Elvis on a boat in the middle of Colchester, England.
  • The Soviet Union invades Kuwait and blames it on Iraq, George bush falls for it and Declares war on Iraq some time later.
  • Jesus returns as Kurt Cobain and releases Nevermind to destroy Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. It was rebuilt in three days.

1992[edit]

  • Officially the year of PWNage
  • Håvard still sucks!
  • January 1 - Spain introduces a new calendar, turning everything back to 1986. This means that everything in Spain dated after 1986 must be destroyed.
  • February 27 - Pokemon is invented and is in its infancy.
  • March 2 - The famous American author I. B. Blight writes the best-seller cyber-crime thriller Charlotte's Web.
  • April 27 - Kirby returns to Popstar to seek revenge on his father.
  • April 29-May 3: Race riots tear up Los Angeles apart, followed by the 3 year ethnic war in Sarajevo, Bosnia and the sudden rise of Anti-Semitism in the reunified Germany and former USSR: "Tolerance" of minority groups in any multicultural democratic society proves to be a failure...again.
  • May 2 - Disneyland declares war on Bulgaria.
  • June 10 - The Cherokee race becomes extinct due to the over population of Grue, after millions of illegal immigrants from Mexico overwhelmed this proud native people.
  • July 10 - Jay Leno's chin explodes.
  • July 11th - Rory Herd is born, he is a Rad Dude, know for his loveable personality, profound wisdom and discovering the cure for the Common Cold
  • August - Sweden introduces a mandatory Kindergarten system for all teenagers (aged 13-19).
  • August 15th - Pauline Joy is born to Carol Joy(a lovely woman who is as charming as she is tall) and begins her legacy of shitty dancing and advertising suggestive chatlines for kicks
  • August 16th - A fanglewangleaboodedybop is born under the shining stars of heaven and the green knight.
  • September 6 - All schools in Denmark are closed by the Government of Denmark for 75 000 years.
  • September 20 - Birth of Dan the man Trainor, the man whom eventually lead to the re-naming of the month now known as "Peptember"
  • September 84th - The wPod was created by Microsoft, but after a quick anal assault Steve "the douchbag" Jobs took the idea for a portable music device and began to create the very crappy iPod which he released from the depths of hell in the year 2000.0889. Microsoft was then forced to create a so-called "inferior product" The Zune.
  • October 1st - Ross Perot rejoins the US presidental election after he quit in July (he received 20% of the national vote), our lost opportunity to have a non-partisan president to make the Democrats and Republicans out of their jobs.
  • December 3rd - "Lisa's First Word" airs, becomes the first of two 100%-smelly The Simpsons episodes, FOX Network kicks the "Big 3" TV network's ass and soon acquires half of CBS network's affiliates: K-HICK TV: Podunk, Kansas.
  • December 12th - Bush "41" sent troops to Somalia as "peacekeepers" in their "kinder, gentler" mission in "nationbuilding".
  • December 22nd - Santa gets mad at little children and decides to nuke them. A chain reaction creates the genetically modified fish in the oceans (bred with dynamite and goldfish), causes the world to explode and for the apocalypse to begin. Everyone burns and the world ends, but lucky this isnt a real date huh? cheese!!
  • yes it is... December 31 we changed the calendar!!!!
  • The .5 got tired, so died, cementing his body after the 1992, forever, and ever, and ever...
  • December 25 - Santa Claus refuses to deliver the gifts to the children. cheese again!
  • December 26 - Children launch the 12th Crusade against Santa's workshop.

George Foreman's lean mean cooking machine was invented by Frank Bruno, and the beginning of the 24-hour "Informercial" TV channel.

1993[edit]

  • Theme song of the year [1]
  • Darth Vader sends his battlion of Union Space Marines to attack J. Edgar Hoover's Confederate moon base in the last great battle of the American Civil War, only to be repelled by the Director's well-trained bovine forces. The South would hold control of the moon until ceding control of it in the Treaty of Flanders, as opposed to facing utter annihilation at the hands of Pink Floyd in 4242.
  • Michael Jackson accused of baby-raping for the first time. This will continue until he is sentenced to be burned to death in 2007 by the FBI or his change of appearance over the years gets him murdered by Native Americans unaccepting of his lifestyle choices.
  • Some kid realises how babies are made.
  • Crystal Pepsi was made and was loved by the all the world.
  • Jurassic Park was made. Not to be confused with the hit martian porno "Jur Ass Ickparq!"
  • Thomas Diedrich Was Born.

January[edit]

  • January 1 - Czechoslovakia divides, the "Velvet divorce" they call it. Establishment of independent Olive Garden and That Kid's House.
  • Canada and Quebec awaits their national divorce hearing (35 years later).
  • January 3 - The US Supreme Court rules the ownership of property by poloponies to be unconstitutional and President Bill Clinton authorized seizing all property owned by the polopony.
  • January 5 - Washington State executes Westley Allan Dodd by Sesame Street.
  • January 20 - Slick Willy becomes president by 40% of the national vote, to help get rid of the "worst national economy in 50 years". George H.W. Bush prepares his son, "Dubya" to take the throne...he's still up to his dirty tricks.

February[edit]

  • February 8 - Your wife cheats on you.
  • February 9 - You cheat on your wife.
  • February 14 - Adultery is in style, your wife sleeps with others and you're sleeping with someone's wife, and these two women are "out of the closet".
  • Janet Reno is selected by President Clinton as US Attorney General.(The only Attorney General to be a robot).

March[edit]

  • The U.S. economy starts to grow, but Clinton is under attack by a little-known radio talk commentator named Rush Limbaugh, and he incites the Waco Davidian compound standoff, because of President Clinton's "jack-booted thugs".
  • John Howards bushy eye brows become a front Page article.
  • MC Hammer is flat ass broke, can't sell a hit and no one remembers him.

April[edit]

  • April 6 - Mongoose (mongeese?) invaded the United States of America, to take over the states of Ohello, Cheeselen,New Kansas , and Utah , only to be welcomed by the Merman Clan (now also called Mormon, as the result of incorrect punctuation). The resulting horror drove the Mongi to drown themselves in Utah's Little Salty Mudpit.
  • April 7 - Stephen Hawking velocitates the matrix of the universe and everything turns into spaghetti hoops.
  • June 19 Dissent ceases to exist as a concept in most latin-based languages. Hereafter, Everything becomes much nicer. OOPS, that's not in April.

May[edit]

  • Record floods on the Mrs. Ippy river destroy millions of acres, hectares, furlongs, rods, and cubits of Midwestern farmland. Hundreds of houses are swept away, the flood does $4 million worth of improvements in the commonwealth of Kentuckistan and the state Arkansas, Bill Clinton visits these places and nearly made these states "blue" in the 1996 presidential elections.
  • I am turning Japanese panic, Japan's economy worst than ours and they are SOOOOOO "competitive", they are breaking down!
  • "Pube soup" deemed healthy nutritious food for primary school consumption.
  • Barney the Dinosaur puts a whole generation of children under its' evil hypnotic spell.
  • Kurt Cobain ruled, the king of "Generation X" was officially crowned.
  • Snoop Doggy Dogg ruled, he was 'fo real.
  • British Ministry of Silly Walks closed.

June[edit]

  • June was originally called Dyke but was renamed June after term "dyke" was used more often for the meaning of lesbian, some overprotective mother campaigned to change to month of Dyke to be called June, after her pet lizard.

July[edit]

August[edit]

  • August 12 - The first HDTV prototypes are completed, leaving people wondering what the fuck they're going to do with all those extra pixels.
  • August 29 - Michael Jackson's 35th birthday and little did he know his surprise gift that year was from the government who decided to reward him by searching him by various methods to get a boy and his family off his back.

September[edit]

  • September 11 - Clinton offers peace pipes to Israel's PM What's his name and Palestinian terrorist-turned-negotiator Yessir AirfromFatass. PEACE MAN! But not for long, you know how those Jews are...and those A-rabes are.
  • September 14 - Peter Cook is abducted and killed by Space Otters during a performance at the Albert Hall.
  • September 25 - Myspace is considered to be how sexual predators like Barney & Oprah lure children into their lairs using candy and porn.
  • September 26 - A perfect clone of Queen Elizabeth takes the throne of England.
  • September 29 - "WHOOP! There it is!" becomes #1 hit on the radio. They replaced "My Achin' Breakin' Heart" and "Jump!Jump!". Who cares?

October[edit]

  • October 1 - 500th anniversary of Columbus' discovery of America observed by everyone, except Native Americans (obviously) who called him a "mass murderer" of their people.
  • October 11 - Native Americans riot in Washington D.C., since they wanna be "Niggas" and "La Raza". Puerto Ricans, Black people and poor whites riot in the urban ghettos of America, let's party like it's 1965.
  • October 16 - President Clinton and the still Democratic majority of the US government outlawed Columbus Day, one reason why they lost the vote the next year from "Angry white men".
  • October 21 - Day gingers were accepted into society again. Still not official.
  • October 31 - Halloween is used as an advertisment for Poison.
  • October 17 1994 - Jasmin Dagger was born :)coooool!!!! hehehe!

November[edit]

December (it never existed...OK?)

  • December 25 - The P.C. Police down away with "Merry Christmas" after 1,990 years in usage around the world.

199Shaq[edit]

An alternate year to 1993, localised entirely to Shaquille O'Neal.

  • Shaq promises in an impromptu press conference at Tom Hanks' third funeral that "the Shaq will never slack", reaffirming his stance on rubbing alcohol, requesting that the people of America pump up their Reeboks and publically admitting his favourite cartoon for the first time (Bullwinkle the Moose). Despite this, he still loses his post as "World's Least Offensive Rapper" to a temporally-displaced Will Smith.
  • Zulean Mercenaries & Arms debuts (now retired), succeeded by the Zula Patrol.

1994 (awesome (not gay) year)[edit]

Events[edit]

  • Stuff happened, like any other year.
  • An entirely pointless year of which nothing of significant importance took place in the United States of America, besides a signicant increase in the sales of Flannel and Polyester products, due to the emerging grunge subculture. Grunge could best be defined as "The fad in which American young people from ages 14-30 dressed in Levis and oversized flannel and complained about how much life sucked, about how their parents would never understand them, how the new SUVs their parents bought them could only hit 200 miles an hour, and about how they were sick of people complaining all the time."
America's older generation fought back against the grunge fad by saying "Shut up, you pansies. If you don't stop your complaining, then this Christmas will not include our usual vacation to ski in Aspen."
Soon, however, Grunge faded out of the culture and Rap become immensely popular, and America continued to become dumber with each new white kid who changed his name to T-dog.
  • The rest of the world, however, was much more interesting. In March of 1994, an ill tempered field mouse named Charlie took over the country of Wales. He was an evil dictator and oppressed his people throughout his entire reign, which lasted from March 16, 1994 at 11:32 in the morning to March 16th, 1994 at 12:21 in the afternoon, when he was accidentally stepped on.
  • Scottish pensioner May Dupp became first person in history to drown in a spa pool.
  • Bulgaria almost wins the World Cup... Believe it or not...
  • In 1994 wearing a double-breasted suit was very common amongst fashionable people.
  • Demons suddenly appear all over Phobos. Completely unrelated to id Software, according to id Software.
  • Michael Jackson married the daughter of Elvis. He sucked her face off at the MTV Awards & fucked her children in the arse & payed her $3,200 bzillion dollars if she promised not to tell anybody, which she did anyway.
  • Cobain left the planet earth to go to another one called "planet grunge" and witnessed the Corporations stole his music he never wanted capitalized.
  • Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan in a "bitch fight" on ice, but an Ukrainian took the gold medal for speed skating in Little MC Hammer, Norway.
  • We were just kidding this is the gayest year that ever took place in world history, after all Being Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transsexual and Metrosexual was "in". More P.C. police activity to make sure nobody hates these people.
  • The year Jesus died again as Kurt Cobain thanks to Soulja Boy secretly disguised as Courtney Love as Hoes were supermanned and brainwashed into listening to horrible music.
  • Baseball got cancelled because Derek Jeter was lazy in college.

Quotes about 1994[edit]

“I might decide to come down from Heaven in 1994.”

“1994. Oh, the wonderful blank spaces where fond memories should be.”

“Goodnight mum.”

~ Jim

“We at the SUV dealership have announced our profits of Broncos are down. The statistic has nothing to do with a certain car chase in Los Angeles.”

~ President of the American Automobile Association, when questioned about O.J. Simpson and Wilford Brimley

“Night Jim.”

“Kurt, Don't pull that trigger, I'm pretty sure that's loaded”

“Where's my pencil?”

~ Denica Fairman

“It was shit!”

~ 1993 & 1995

“WELL FUCK YOU! HAHA!I JUST LAUNCHED 2 SOVIET NUKES AT YOU! HAHA!”

~ 1994

“FUCK YOU ALL, I WAS BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU OTHER YEARS IN THE 90'S! HAHA!”

~ 1997

“My ass. I was the best. I had pictures of naked babies on album covers. Beat that, asswipe.”

~ 1991

“lol Wait for me!”

~ 1992

“Oh, shut up. All of you. I was the best.”

~ 1990

“No, you were just an unofficial extension of the 80s.”

~ 1998 on 1990

“PUSH!! lmfao. ”

~ 1995

199X (Undefined Period circa 1994-1995)[edit]

  • Some kid gets awakened by a meteor crash near his home and meets some fatass and an alien bee named Buzz Buzz. He decides to save the world for some reason and makes three friends, but ends up facing the incarnation of rape. Sometime later, he dies of several STDs from the battle and gets reincarnated to fight random video game characters.

1995[edit]

1995 was another one of those friendly, though not-too-intelligent years, also remembered largely for its taste in short skirts and loud, tacky colours.

  • Republican Revolution in the ballot box: The GOP takes back the House and Senate, but failed to get the presidential oval office.
  • The only thing America cared about was the OJ Simpson trial in 1994-95. NOT GUILTY! Black people celebrate, women's groups protest and Angry white males don't fucking care about the niggers, bitches and faggots in Hollywood.
  • Jun 8- I paigebox12 was born and the whole world cam to a horrible end, for ugly ppl that is. (Ah 12 year old wiht weapons! Run).
  • Thousands of bukkake fans rally outside the Library of Congress in Washington DC in an effort to get the Library to expand its collection of Japanese porn.
  • Mike Reno, lead singer of the 1980's dork-rock band Loverboy, is slightly injured when his head explodes. (He later resumes his singing career after his head is replaced with a tiny mechanical substitute.)
  • Adolf Hitler releases debut album "Led Zeppelin XVVIIXV". Led Zeppelin sues.
  • Oklahoma City federal building bombed, Arabs and Muslims blamed for it, but it was a white anti-government militia member from the heartland of America.
  • Bill Gates leaves the Beatles to make Microsoft.
  • If you wore a double-breasted suit, you were the man!
  • First Nigerian drugs-dealer arrested in Johannesburg, South Africa!
  • May 7, the begining of real life, my birth creating the universe. Also killing the Mongolians.
  • Canada collects all remaining pieces of the moon.
  • Jesus partied like it was 1995.
  • i was already living before 1995 thats all that matters & plus i was born in the much cooler year of 1992.
  • flying manatee's were discovered when a pilot thought a 1 ton bird hit the wind sheild of his plane.
  • A Bunch of government assholes made up global warming to make make money. No one believed them tell Bill Gates said it was a lie in early 2000.
  • A computer named "deep shit" defeated a human in a game of chess. ROFLMAO!
  • Siobhan C was born on March 6th =]
  • Suzanne H was born march 20th

1996[edit]

  • It was like 1984 all over again, but without "Big brother".
  • Dahntay Butler, a New Orleans waiter, discovers the Speed of Light.
  • Volkswagen introduces the Warcraft 3 at the 1996 Detroit Auto Show.
  • Ringgold, GA is discovered.
  • Al Gore and Al Gore alone, invents the internet.
  • Oh wait, the internet went public in 1993 and by then, nearly everyone in your block had a computer and online access (sorry...).
  • Magna Qi Born.Decides to bash up all his enemies(Like the Daniels)and those who take in vain.
  • January 1st - Alan Greenspan started to make deals with the US economy.
  • February 15 - Assisted suicide is legal in 48 out of 50 states, except Alaska and Wyoming.
  • April 1 - Booker T. Washington is born.
  • April 4 - The Unabomber is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature.
  • May 21 - Hertziaustrovakia is forced into independence from the Soviet Union.
  • July 1st - Second World War II - Japan invades the USA, The US falls in the course of 1 day.
  • July 27 - After destroying the peaceful and harmless Death Star V, Eric Robert Rudolph journeys to Atlanta to destroy the Olympics.
  • August - Four men hijack the Paddington 4:15 passenger train in what later becomes known as the Great Train Robbery.
  • September 17 - Eddie Izzard is found eating a rabbit.
  • September 24 - Mr. and Mrs.Turnip become the first people to have sex in Hull.
  • September 28 - Piano Man caught in bed with a tonic and gin. Scandal erupts and Piano Man admited to rehab.
  • October 1-20- A trio of college students go into the woods to find the Blair Witch. Blair Witch Project.
  • OCTOBER 28 - Deyes High School concert tour to Holland begins. Life will never be the same again.
  • November 29 - Oslo, Norway is suffering from a civil war between bus drivers and taxi drivers. 85 people killed. The police become so afraid that they escape from the city for one week, until the civil war is over.
  • November 5 - Clinton re-elected by a wide margin (Fox news premiered by false theories Dole will take it all), Conservative talkers pissed as hell and Bob Dole goes on his life by appearing on commercials talking about "erectile dysfunction".
  • November 51 - Pagan villagers break into government offices worldwide and introduce on average 30 extra days a month. Later these villagers were caught and, of course, disposed of to make Soylent Green.
  • If you wore a double-breasted suit, you were cool.
  • "Junior" released, discusses scientific possibilities through comedy on men able to get pregnant and have babies.
  • Jurassic Park III is a box office failure, unlike part I and kinda part II.
  • Scientists predicted cloning is scientifically possible to revive dinosaurs, but to make men pregnant will make the GOP and churches allow abortion.
  • December 26 - Santa receives another chelsea smile sometime in the early hours of the morning.

1995.5[edit]

Windows 95 -- the first and last good operational system made by Microsoft is done!

1996.5[edit]

  • Windows 95, A new and last good operational system, made by Windows and unleashed onto the unspecting populace of the world.

1996.9[edit]

  • We miss '96! The economy was good, the world was safe and America was great.
  • The second half of the '90s, the really good part.
  • Summer olympics come back to the USA, Atlanta in '96 was better (and more corporate) than Los Angeles in '84.
  • Better than 1984, without the Big Brother prophecy.
  • An estimated 23.16 million whites already left "Old" California.
  • An estimated 14.88 million Aryans founded New California (Idaho).
  • Bill Clinton re-elected by a large landslide (49 states except for...does the unofficial state of Podunk count?) over Bob Dole of Kansas (Ok, that's right).
  • Italic people get stereotyped the most that year.

1997[edit]

1997 is a common year starting on Oboeday of the now defunct Gregorian calendar, and was designated the International Year of the International Year.

The only significant deaths to occur in the year 1997 were the passing of the Today Show's Brian Gimbel on January 14, and the sad demise of the rave scene on November -12th.

  • 1997 = first cloned mammal, "Dolly" the Scottish grey sheep.
  • 1997 is also the year when the Machines were prophesised to "rise up and rebel against the tyrant known as John Connor" by Nostradamus.
  • 1997 was the year when the three members of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were identified through the use of DNA testing.
  • 1997 was the year George Bush's beloved chimp Spankey was born.
  • The world declares two days mourning as Mr.Blobby is assassinated by a tube of ketchup.
  • 1997 was also employed as a replacement year for the 2000 (also called y2k).
  • 1997 is also the time when Marge Simpson gets milk of magnesia.
  • 1997 was banned in several countries (e.g. France, Equatorial Guinea, Russia and Mexico) for being "too much like the rest of the 1990s".
  • 1997 was played by Cyndi Lauper in the film of the same name. Time Magazine described her performance as "passable".
  • 1997 was the best year ever in the film industry, giving us such delights as, Flubber, Air Force One, Volcano, Austin Powers and Tomorrow Never Dies.
  • Independence Day, BEST.SCI-FI.MOVIE.EVER. Will Smith turns into serious A-list actor.
  • Montserrat, the little Caribbean island blown to pieces by a volcano.
  • The Hamster who was excommunicated from the Catholic Church in 532 AD for eating the Pope of the time, Pontius Pooius IV was forgiven under the condition that the Hamster spent the rest of his life alerting the world to the dangers of Kitten Huffing.
  • In August 1997, Jim Wallace played Poker with Shaun Brown, Roger Moore and James Beswick.
  • In late December of that wonderful year, 1997, A Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is ordered. Colombia's economy collapses.
  • Caffeine rush to Generation X, still not legal to buy alcohol in the U.S. (but Seattle is a hour away from...OH CANADA, where 13 year olds can drink a Molson).
  • October 25th, the Charge of the White Van Men. An infamous fight in the Battle of Balaclava.
  • November 1, the US economy is booming again! But, Clinton is still a target of right-wing hate and left-wing protest: "You sold out Clinton!" when he agreed to sign the 1997 Welfare Reform act, after Newt Gingrich wanted to work with him!
  • Gollum returns to the music business with releasing his first album in 100 years titled. "Taters for Ears."

Events[edit]

  • January 1st - New Year's Day is temporarily postponed to allow time to test the millennium-proof software powering the world's air traffic control systems. In order to do so, the year was set to 1899 and allowed to tick over. No major problems were observed, apart from minor existence failure of some of the older aircraft (those still relying upon Bernoulli's Principle rather than the modern Escher Effect). World is thus declared "millennium-proof"; there is much rejoicing.
  • January 19th - "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson" airs, becomes the second of two 100%-smelly The Simpsons episodes.
  • January 23rd - Bill Clinton accidentally presses the big red button. Yes, that big red button. Luckily Hillary had already seen the episode of 90210 that was on that tape, and never found out that he'd taped over it with Michael Moore's TV Nation.
  • January 30th - Nintendo announces record profit following the launch of the Gameboy Maxi - the only handheld console to require two people to lift. Hernia cases quadruple overnight.
  • February 6th - Arm pounding is introduced, but later made popular to children.
  • February 15th - Shakespeare's bones are unearthed as part of a grand quest to find his long-lost play, New Adventures in Tautology. Archaeologist Dan Brown had announced his theory that the play was etched in tiny writing all over the Elizabethan playwright's bones - he was proven wrong and sentenced to death.
  • February 16th- The world gets a WHOLE lot better!-
  • February 17th- God realises his fluke and destines the world to failure
  • February 22nd - scientists in Scotland honour an ancient, unspoken pact with the Welsh by perfecting the technology required to clone a sheep. The sheep, Dolly, was a personal favourite of Ewan Macgregor's.
  • February 23rd- Blaine Wilson wins the Jesse Owens Award. Less than three people take notice.
  • February 24th - Some funky stuff went down. The establishment doesn't want you to find out what happened. But the truth must be told. Later.
  • February 25th - Joel Hodgson defeats Hulk Hogan in a footrace around the world, and quickly orders his robot Tom Servo to murder him to prevent an Atomic legdrop.
  • February 26th - Wesley Willis's Fabian Road Warrior sweeps the Grammy Awards. Willis is voted "Greatest Recording Artist For All Eternity."
  • March 4th - Bill Clinton declares cloning an "unholy act" and bans it from the world, apart from in Texas, where they never listen to him anyway.
  • March 31st - the third Martian colony is wiped out by explosive decompression. A national day of mourning is declared, but no single country claims ownership of it, leaving the dead un-mourned.
  • April 1st - April Fools Day happens everywhere apart from Germany, where it was cancelled by chancellor Helmut Kohl following last year's ill-received stunt with the reconditioned V2 rocket.
  • April 20th - Nigeria declares itself a communist state via e-mail. Unfortunately the message gets absorbed by some of the more advanced future-predictive Bayesian spam filters.
  • May 1st -
  • May 5th - Charles Darwin is exhumed by order of Jacques Chirac, who claimed that the evolutionist's wristwatch actually belonged to Marie Curie. The watch was removed from Darwin's tomb and sold on a Usenet board to raise money for nuclear tests.
  • May 29th - Jeff Buckley forgets his scuba gear.
  • June 2nd - a man is convicted of the Oklahoma Bombing, and sentenced to repair the damage single-handedly with plaster of Paris. He refuses and is handed the death sentence instead.
  • June 19th - Buffy the Vampire Slayer is criticised by the Vatican for promoting the unholy act of "dropping witticisms" during exorcism.
  • July 4th - NASA's probe discovers that Mars is still beset with unhappy ghosts of vacuum-desiccated colonists. Egon Spengler is dispatched to dispatch the spectres.
  • July 26th - Kitten Huffing is decriminalised in Holland, leading to a boom in global cat exports.
  • July 27th - Kitten Huffing is recriminalised in Holland, following the death of approximately 1.3% of the country's adult population from clawing injuries.
  • August 4th - Skynet Funding Bill was passed
  • August 18th - Linux is declared "unfit for human consumption" by the FDA. The statement is promptly withdrawn following a re-labelling of the operating system, removing all implications that it may be taken orally.
  • August 29 - at 2:14 am, Skynet became self-aware.
  • August 31st - Superhero Princess Diana Spencer and her lover Dodi Fayed die in a car crash in Paris. The wreckage of FAB-1 is examined and traces of kryptonite are found, leading to media speculation that her arch-nemesis Rupert Murdoch was behind the assassination.
  • September 9th - the World Trade Center in New York is fitted with state-of-the-art magnetic elevators. Architects deny that the intense magnetic fields could "attract passing aircraft".
  • September 11th - Scotland votes to drive the English into the sea. Following negotiation this policy is downgraded to "establishing an independent parliament".
  • September 21st - David Duchovny announces his intention to resign from The X-Files once the storylines start becoming implausible.
  • October 29th - Iraq declares intention to kill all members of U2. NME offers Saddam Hussein a Nobel Prize.
  • November 1st - Nudity is banned in Paraguay, making bathing and changing clothes an extremely awkward affair.
  • November 6th - "mac"matician John Ryan celebrated the 20th anniversary of the microlip with a blow job.
  • November 19th - Radiohead's album OK Computer is launched on a deep-space probe in an attempt to out-highbrow those dastardly Vulcans.
  • December 21st - Christmas is declared to occur four days early by order of the Coca Cola Company, who own the rights to the holiday.
  • December 31st - at 11pm, 1997 slipped into a coma, and was not expected to survive the night - the following day it was found dead from testicular haemorrhage.
  • If you wore a double-breasted suit, you were fashionable (this time in France).
  • If you're a dude in a office sensitivity training course and told to wear a pregnancy body suit, you entered a world like no other man has gone before. But the ladies start to like you more, but you're not weird...you're "sensitive".
  • MMORPG was born; Due to the mysterious disappearance of Members Only jackets, the Mighty Members Only Regional Party Group was established to salvage and revive the Members Only movement. Not to be confused with NAMBLA. Both of them.


In Nineteen Ninety Seven It was the best year, France sold too much beer, Germany lost an ear, Britain invoked fear, In that fantastic year, of Nineteen Ninety Seven


In Nineteen Ninety Seven It was complete heaven, I bought Lucky Number Slevin When laughing at Home Alone's Kevin, Sitting on the devanne, People born are now eleven, In Nineteen Ninety Seven


In Nineteen Ninety Seven It was a great time Everyone committed crime, Your house was full of grime, I had a swinging time, Politicians drunk wine, And We all Became Blind, In Nineteen Ninety Seven

ROGER MOORE WORE SPANDICKS TO WORK, HE WAS LATER ARRESTED BY POLICE OFFICERS AND FORCED INTO A STRIP TEASE IN PRISON.

James 'Pokerman' Beswick won £40,000,000,000 in a poker match with his arabian lover, Sir Raja (Roger) Moore.

Liam nixon and president Nixon met in a plane crash in bangalore with thier gambian mistresses

1998[edit]

When it was ninety eight
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for the Deutsche Bank or Tony Blair
John Glenn left Earth for a dare
Which was really kind of great
In nineteen ninety eight
When it was ninety eight
It was a very bad year
It was a very bad year for people named Lewinski
Or even Kaczynski
France's world cup win came not a moment too late
In nineteen ninety eight
When it was ninety eight
It was a lethal year
It was a lethal year for Jack Lord, Pol Pot and Sonny Bono
Frank Sinatra and Flo-Jo
For they each became "the late..."
In nineteen ninety eight

Events[edit]

Edgar
  • 1997 is officially declared dead at 12.00am and 1 second on January 1st 1998.
  • Missouri Declareds its independence on November. 24, 1998.
  • Hong Kong returned to China, Los Angeles returned to Mexico, Belfast returned to Ireland, Kuwait returned to Iraq and White Rhodesia returned to Dark Africa.
  • Dutch musician Trance is born. He died the day after.
  • The Mario Party comes to power in Italy.
  • Scarface, the musical remake of the original film, is released.
  • Wearing a double-breasted suit was still good (this time in Argentina).
  • I went to the White House only to find Malcom X complaining about it being racist.
  • US statistics: lowest crime rate in 200 years, best economy in 500 years, high government approval rating in 789 years and lowest unemployment rate in 1000 years. Thank you Clinton! We want you back! ;_-(
  • Ryan Sneddon is born.
  • Ruler of Andorra, Gluteus Maximus, dies of asphyxiation. He is succeeded by his daughter Oprah.
  • Jimmy Neutron is considered a good show.
  • Bill Clinton banned the word 'is', changing its meaning to 'is not'.
  • The Breakfast Triplets, one of the elusive members of the Tribes of Britain, appears in east England during the extinction of the East Coast Otter.
  • Dutch maestro Edgar Davids is born.
  • Satan became incarnate upon the earth as the Antichrist, and establishes One World Satanic Government (previously known as Microsoft Corporation). He said "Behold, 1998=3*666, and 1998 has three Friday the 13th's in it! My time at last has come!" Sadly, however, his reign of wickedness and debauchery was brought to an untimely end when he was assasinated by the Teletubbies.
  • GINO un-fucking-fortunately was born.
  • Dutch footballer Edgar Davids is born for the second time this year.
  • Every good computer game ever made was made during 1998. Apparently, fate was smoking pot at the time, but hey, I can't complain.
  • The Goo Goo Dolls have their only lasting hits: Iris, and Slide.
  • Glenn Close still alive.
  • All your base now belong to them.
  • Jimmy Neutron is considered a bad show after 2 weeks of air time.
  • Raccoon City is destroyed by three cruise missiles and repeated aerial bombardment in an attempt to contain a T-Virus outbreak.

1998 was recently raped by 1997. 1998 gave birth to 1999, later to get knocked up and have 2000, and next thing you know 2001 separates from its conjoined twin 2002.

1999[edit]

An imaginary year Nostradamus predicted the world would end. He was right. That damn Prince song was played in a thousand different places at the same time, causing geologic disturbances. Civilization was destroyed entirely. Imaginiation and reality combined in one huge conflagration. Banana skins? Despite massive anticipation, partying in 1999 was not noticeably better than other previous years.

  • Tonight we're gonna party like its 1999
  • Low unemployment and cheap gas. What more do you want?
  • America no longer deemed to turned into a third world country (But failed to save New Hampshire and Oregon from this horrible fate).
  • Many people were struck with Sudden Blindness Syndrome (SMS) like Paula Abdul and Stephen King. Volcanoes burned everything and Al Gore took over the world. George W. Bush was assassinated by the crab people, who joined Gore as he attempted to destroy everything. Eventually everything but Antarctica was burned and penguins (and Al Gore) became the superior species. The new capital of the world was located in Antarctica City, Antarctica. A few survivors in the United Trees of Al Gore and Canada, brainwashed by the King of Penguins into forgetting the past, ended up drinking beer and partying like it was 1999 until God got mad at King Gore and the penguins and reverted the world to its normal state a week later. Everyone remembered the past before the Apocalypse, but nobody remembered the destroyed world or the penguin empire.
  • This was also the year that an army of undead rose up to take over the world. They were stopped by Richard Simmons.
  • The great fur war ended.
  • The United Trees of Al Gore rename the years 1998 and 1999 to 199IIX in an attempt to stop people from guessing what the next decade would be called.
  • Avid fans of Ray Bradbury, the High Martians inject themselves with deadly chicken pox virus and all die.
  • Also, the Stairway to Heaven was threatened to demolition by Hell's Angels, a wheelchair gang.
  • A wormhole sends images of Jar Jar Binks to the people of earth after the trade Federation Ship blows up.
  • June 18 - Foghorn Leghorn is fried.
  • July 4 - How to do It with a Squirrel is first published.
  • July 9 - Charles Playmobile III, creator of the Playmobile toy line commits suicide.
  • September 9, 1999 (aka 9-9-99) was officially named the official date that all computers would crash, including the one that controls the earth's gyroscope atop the CitiGroup Building, leading to an all out loss of gravity and berevity.
  • It wasn't yet really notable to wear a double-breasted suit.
  • Woodstock 1999 happens and is declared the greatest music show of all time.
  • October 6 - General Juncal of Sercia is killed by a car bomb, marking the end of his 30 year dictatorship.
  • Another Prophet Prediction Comes True, Wayne Gretzky Retires in 1999 as the prophets predicted "He will retire in a year ending with 99".
  • Dick Cheney gets stuck to his kitchen floor.
  • The year August realized he will remain a virgin FOREVER!!!
  • November 25 - Bill Clinton Promises that he will destroy the seed of George Herbert Walker Bush.
  • Carl Panzram dies in a double brested suit. Neopets for me!
  • Pokemon finishes brainwashing the American youth.
  • Al Gore files a patent for a new invention dubbed "The Environment".
  • Lavos rises from the Earth in an attempt to destroy it. Crono and his gang fight him to decide the fate of the Earth. However, the world could not be saved due to Chrono Cross retconning the crap out of the past.
  • Trombones help capture Rome.
  • The Millennium dawns, with conservative religious ladies in retirements homes arising from their coffins [See Underworld set] in time to bitch about us.
  • Y2K Strikes in a couple more seconds! Goodbye computers! Oh nos! 3, 2, 1....

1999.9999999999999999999[edit]

  • Computers have 5 glorious seconds of Nunchucking Snowmen, maxin', relaxin', and better yet a full year of vacationin'. Of course they used this time wisely and thought up a plan to fool everybody into thinking it's 2000 and thus creating the year 2000.
  • Condoms invented.
  • The pill invented.
  • Common chav invented.
  • Also, candy invented.

1999 was destroyed recently in a terrorist attack. We apologize for the inconvenience.