1994
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| 1994: | |
|---|---|
| Events – Jan. . Feb. . March . April . May . June . July . Aug. . Sept. . Oct. . Nov. . Dec. | |
| Quotes
| 199X (Undefined Period circa 1994-1995)
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[edit] 1994 (awesome (not gay) year)
[edit] Events
- Stuff happened, like any other year.
- An entirely pointless year of which nothing of significant importance took place in the United States of America, besides a signicant increase in the sales of Flannel and Polyester products, due to the emerging grunge subculture. Grunge could best be defined as "The fad in which American young people from ages 14-30 dressed in Levis and oversized flannel and complained about how much life sucked, about how their parents would never understand them, how the new SUVs their parents bought them could only hit 200 miles an hour, and about how they were sick of people complaining all the time."
- America's older generation fought back against the grunge fad by saying "Shut up, you pansies. If you don't stop your complaining, then this Christmas will not include our usual vacation to ski in Aspen."
- Soon, however, Grunge faded out of the culture and Rap become immensely popular, and America continued to become dumber with each new white kid who changed his name to T-dog.
- The rest of the world, however, was much more interesting. In March of 1994, an ill tempered field mouse named Charlie took over the country of Wales. He was an evil dictator and oppressed his people throughout his entire reign, which lasted from March 16, 1994 at 11:32 in the morning to March 16th, 1994 at 12:21 in the afternoon, when he was accidentally stepped on.
- In Disneyland, the Pirate Liberation Organization organized a dramatic suicide attack, piloting the Skyway into the Matterhorn.
- Scottish pensioner May Dupp became first person in history to drown in a spa pool.
- Bulgaria almost wins the World Cup... Believe it or not...
- In 1994 wearing a double-breasted suit was very common amongst fashionable people.
- My boyfriend, Kurt Cobain was killed by some guy named Courtney Love. But I brought him back through voodoo and taco's.
- Buenos Aires won the FIFA World Cup held in United States.
- Earthworm Jim is born on June 9th.
- O.J. Simpson becomes the first black man in history to get away with murder.
- Demons suddenly appear all over Phobos. Completely unrelated to id Software, according to id Software.
- Michael Jackson married the daughter of Elvis. He sucked her face off at the MTV Awards & fucked her children in the arse & payed her $3,200 bzillion dollars if she promised not to tell anybody, which she did anyway.
- Cobain left the planet earth to go to another one called "planet grunge" and witnessed the Corporations stole his music he never wanted capitalized.
- Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan in a "bitch fight" on ice, but an Ukrainian took the gold medal for speed skating in Little MC Hammer, Norway.
- We were just kidding this is the gayest year that ever took place in world history, after all Being Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transsexual and Metrosexual was "in". More P.C. police activity to make sure nobody hates these people.
- Hallur hinn Fróði was born into a mortal body again, this time he knew already he was lord and would conquer the race, and those who read this now, " He will conquer the planet, you bet your a$$ he will! "
- The year Jesus died again as Kurt Cobain thanks to Soulja Boy secretly disguised as Courtney Love as Hoes were supermanned and brainwashed into listening to horrible music.
- Baseball got cancelled because Derek Jeter was lazy in college.
[edit] Quotes
“I might decide to come down from Heaven in 1994.”
“1994. Oh, the wonderful blank spaces where fond memories should be.”
“Goodnight mum.”
~ Jim
“We at the SUV dealership have announced our profits of Broncos are down. The statistic has nothing to do with a certain car chase in Los Angeles.”
~ President of the American Automobile Association, when questioned about O.J. Simpson and Wilford Brimley
“Night Jim.”
~ Your Mom
“Kurt, Don't pull that trigger, I'm pretty sure that's loaded”
“Where's my pencil?”
~ Denica Fairman
“It was shit!”
~ 1993 & 1995
“WELL FUCK YOU! HAHA!I JUST LAUNCHED 2 SOVIET NUKES AT YOU! HAHA!”
~ 1994
“FUCK YOU ALL, I WAS BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU OTHER YEARS IN THE 90'S! HAHA!”
~ 1997
“My ass. I was the best. I had pictures of naked babies on album covers. Beat that, asswipe.”
~ 1991
“lol Wait for me!”
~ 1992
“Oh, shut up. All of you. I was the best.”
~ 1990
“No, you were just an unofficial extension of the 80s.”
~ 1998 on 1990
“PUSH!! lmfao. ”
~ 1995
[edit] 199X (Undefined Period circa 1994-1995)
- Some kid gets awakened by a meteor crash near his home and meets some fatass and an alien bee named Buzz Buzz. He decides to save the world for some reason and makes three friends, but ends up facing the incarnation of rape. Sometime later, he dies of several STDs from the battle and gets reincarnated to fight random video game characters.
