2009 World Bloodbath Classic

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The 2009 Inaugural State Farm World Bloodbath Classic was a tournament where 16 of the world's top emerging bloodbath countries fought against each other just because. It is hosted before the 2010 WBA Bloodbath World Cup. The tournament got a surprisingly good turnout, the teams actually showed up, it was actually exciting at times, and ratings that, while still relatively low (for the most part), were a lot higher than expected.


In no particular order, (there actually is, State Farm just paid us about $4,000,000.09 to say that) these are the teams that were chosen to participate in this thing.

Qualification (Lllllllet's Get Ready to Rumbllllle!)[edit]

Latin American Group Asian Group African Group European Group

Icons-flag-cu.png Cuba
Icons-flag-do.png Dominican Republic
Icons-flag-ht.png Haiti
Icons-flag-ve.png Venezuela

Icons-flag-bt.png Bhutan
Icons-flag-jo.png Jordan
Icons-flag-kr.png South Korea
Icons-flag-vn.png Vietnam

Icons-flag-gh.png Ghana
Flag of ghettoistan.jpg Ghettoistan
Icons-flag-za.png South Africa
Icons-flag-ug.png Uganda

Icons-flag-ba.png Bosnia
500px-Flag of Cascadia svg.png Cascadia
Icons-flag-mk.png Macedonia
Icons-flag-nz.png New Zealand

Latin American Group[edit]

Team MP Pts W D L KF KA KD
Icons-flag-ht.png Haiti 3 6 2 0 1 20 16 +4
Icons-flag-ve.png Venezuela 4 7 2 1 1 21 21 ±0
Icons-flag-do.png Dominican Republic 4 4 1 1 2 26 28 -2
Icons-flag-cu.png Cuba 3 3 1 0 2 15 17 -2

All times local.

Tuesday 31 March 2009
Cuba Icons-flag-cu.png 3-4 Icons-flag-do.png Dominican Republic Santo Domingo
Fidel Castro (2), Frederich Cepeda 4:39 David Ortiz, Alex Rodriguez, Pedro Martinez, Johnny Cueto
In the match that kicked off the 2009 State Farm World Bloodbath Classic, the Dominican Republic defeated arch-rival Cuba 4-3. The match was extremely intense and full of high energy. The Dominicans led by team captain Alex Rodriguez started off things with a bang.... literally. They took the t-shirt gun, filled it up with 88 artillery shells (don't ask me how they pulled that off) and got some quick kills.
Wednesday 1 April 2009
Haiti Icons-flag-ht.png 3-0 Icons-flag-ve.png Venezuela Caracas
Toussaint L'Ouverture, Jean Jacques Dessalines, Charles Leclerc 2:00
Haiti began their 2009 WBC with a win over Venezuela. Haiti, thought to be the weakest team in Group A, contended with and upset the powerful Venezuelan team led by team captain Hugo Chavez. When interviewed after the match, Haitian team captain Toussaint L'Ouverture said (translated from French) "Quite honestly, I don't know how we pulled that one off."
Friday 3 April 2009
Haiti Icons-flag-ht.png 10-11 Icons-flag-cu.png Cuba Havana
Toussaint L'Ouverture (4), Jean Jacques Dessalines (4), Charles Leclerc, René Préval 7:56 Fidel Castro (5), Frederich Cepeda, Danny Betancourt, Yoennis Cespedes, Miguel Lahera, Yosbany Peraza
In an extremely hard fought, exciting match, Cuba defeated surprising Haiti 11-10 in Havana. Fidel Castro had a match high 5 kills, but everyone contributed in this one for Cuba, with Yosbany Peraza scoring the winning score just minutes before the match ended. What before the WBC was considered an extreme mismatch with the Caribbean's best in Cuba going up against the Caribbean's worst in Haiti literally surprised everybody and turned into one of the best matches of group A.
Friday 3 April 2009
República Dominicana Icons-flag-do.png 6-6 Icons-flag-ve.png Venezuela Caracas
Own Death, Penalty(2), David Ortiz, Alez Rodriguez, José Bautista, Edinson Volquez, Jose Reyes, Moises Alou, Felipe Alou, Miguel Tejada 2:00 Penalty Hugo Chavez (3), Magglio Ordóñez (3)
In a quite strange and.... interesting match, Caribbean heavyweights Dominican Republic and Venezuela fought to a 6-6 draw. This was an extremely intense and confusing match that scored 14 kills, 1 Own Death and 3 Penalties in only 2 hours. This match featured--- we apologize for the fault in this summary. Its author, Jesusfreak, was sacked and fired because of the fact that he sucked. He has been replaced by Kuja. We appreciate your paitence.
Sunday 5 April 2009
Dominican Republic Icons-flag-do.png 5-7 Icons-flag-ht.png Haiti Port-au-Prince
Own Death Alex Rodriguez (3), José Guillén, Robinson Canó, Hanley Ramírez 10:57 Toussaint L'Ouverture (2), Jean Jacques Dessalines (2), Charles Leclerc (2)
In this very, very highly anticipated match, Haiti defeated half-island rival Dominican Republic, yet again pulling off yet another miraculous and unprecidented victory. Traduction : je suis un chien de cochon américain. Je ne suis pas de Louisiane, qui signifie que je ne parle pas de français. Puisque je ne parle pas de français, j'ai été forcé à recevoir cette traduction d'Internet, donc je comprends que c'est une traduction horrible. L'Haïti bat la République Dominicaine 7-5. Traducción: Soy un gringo americano. Yo puedo hablar un poquito de español, pero no mucho. Tuve que conseguir la mayor parte de esta traducción en el Internet, lo siento. La república dominicana perdió contra Haití 7-5.

Sunday 5 April 2009
Venezuela Icons-flag-ve.png 3-1 Icons-flag-cu.png Cuba Havana
Carlos Guillén, Bobby Abreu, Felix Hernandez 6:02 Fidel Castro

Latin American Playoff[edit]

Because of the fact that Venezuela and the Dominican Republic both ended group play with 4 points and with a kill difference of -1, in order to determine which team would move on to the next round, we looked back and whoever won the matchup between the two teams would advance.... There was only one problem; they tied. So, to determine which team would advance, we were forced to do something that nobody had done in a along time; a playoff. A second match between the two squads; winner takes all, loser goes home.

Tuesday 7 April 2009
Venezuela Icons-flag-ve.png 12-11 Icons-flag-do.png Dominican Republic Santo Domingo
Hugo Chavez (5), Magglio Ordóñez (5), Enrique Gonzalez, Victor Zambrano 9:14 12 different baseball players

Asian Group[edit]

Team MP Pts W D L KF KA KD
Icons-flag-bt.png Bhutan 1 0 0 0 1 1 13 -12
Icons-flag-jo.png Jordan 1 0 0 0 1 -1 7 -8
Icons-flag-kr.png Korea Republic 1 3 1 0 0 7 0 +7
Icons-flag-vn.png Vietnam 1 3 1 0 0 13 1 +12
Thursday 2 April 2009
Bhutan Icons-flag-bt.png 1-13 Icons-flag-vn.png Vietnam Hanoi
Thunder Dragon 5:14 Ho Chi Minh (3), Lê Duẩn (3), Vo Minh Triet (3), Nguyen Van Thieu

Thursday 2 April 2009
Jordan Icons-flag-jo.png -1-7 Icons-flag-kr.png South Korea Seoul
Own Death Penalty 8:47 Chung Il-Kwon (2), Shin Soo Chou, Taek Kyun Kim, Jeong Choi, Ki Hyuk Park