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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from 1900AD to 1909AD.




The 20th Century[edit]

Of all the centuries that have passed since the Lord Jesus walked amongst us, this one was the Twentieth.

  1. Second half of the Industrial Age, spawning many great creations: declaration through non-religious media that sinning is OK, corporate giants, ads, radio, television, movies, computers, internet, Ipod, break dancing, the 60's and guns. Apart from that, it was all shit.
  2. Early Controversy - Planning for the Twentieth Century began when the Next Century Convention was convened in Detroit, Sweden in 1895. Whilst most of the delegates favoured the name "The Twentieth Century", the French delegation thought it should be called "Le Siècle Français". and walked out when their demands were not met. Annoyed by this, the Convention's "War Planning Subcommittee" voted to make "France" the loser in every 20th Century war. Another determined constitutency wanted the Twentieth Century to "belong to Canada". Hah!
  3. The Dawn of the Century - The Twentieth Century was scheduled to begin on January 1st, 1901. However, due to poor planning and budgetary constraints the century did not begin until October 9th, 1902. Everyone was annoyed by this, but soon the airplane was invented, and that cheered them up. Have you ever seen that old film of crappy early planes? Man, that's funny, particularly that one with twenty wings that falls to pieces on the runway.
  4. World War I - Following the assassination of British Prime Minister Herbert Asquith at the hands of an Irish gunman, the British threatened to invade Ireland. Norway, viewing itself as the traditional protector of the Irish people declared war, bringing it's allies Luxembourg and Croatia into the fight. The British called upon their allies, the USSR, Germany and Latveria to join the frey. Soon all of Europe was at war, except for Switzerland, the smug bastards.
  5. Russian Revolution - Weary of living under the Soviets, Stalin started the Russian Revolution to free the Russians from the Russian yolk. The Russians fought back hard, and soon all of Europe was at war, especially Switzerland. Meanwhile in Amerika, the cotton gin was invented by George Washington Carverand the people rejoiced.
  6. The Influenza Epidemic - Millions were killed by this, but it's still boring. Recently CDC sceintists re-created the 1918 flu virus, which was totally a good idea. The world rejoiced.
  7. The Canadian Civil War - With the world still reeling from war, revolution, inclement weather and "The Disease", The People's Republic of Canada was cleft in twain by a bloody civil war between those who were very polite, and those who were merely quite polite. The quite polite faction was eventually defeated and put to forced labour in the syrup mines.
  8. The Great Depression - With the world still reeling from all of the above, the Stock Market Crashed in 1929. Everyone became poor and hungry and played folk music on harmonicas and stuff. It was truly bliss.
  9. The Rise of Fascism - Is it just me, or was the Twentieth Century a bit of a bummer?
  10. World War II - No, it's not just me.
  11. The Cold War - Now we're talking! Some people say the Cold War wasn't any good, but it gave us James Bond, The Man From UNCLE, Our Man Flint and Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD, so it wasn't all bad, except for the invention of the Cold flu, which was an introduced into the general populace by Ralfinsick Barnliker as a solution to all of those countries fighting amongst themselves for cooler temperatures.
  12. The Fall of the Soviet Union - In the Soviet Union, you fall on collapsing governments! With the cold war over, Amerika had no cool enemies any more, and so had to make South Africans the bad guys in Lethal Weapon II. However things got better for the Russians, who were now free from domination by KGB agents. See also Vladimir Putin.
  13. The Rest of It - Al Gore invented the Internet. Also there was Led Zeppelin, but they came earlier.
“It's all SHIT!!!”
~ Robert Plant on the 20th Century

1900[edit]

If you wanted to be hip back then, you would have to be from the 1990's. Otherwise, you would be a loser. Other euphemisms for this is "You would suck", "you wouldn't be part of the team", "You wouldn't be part of the team, you loser" and "You're so boule, I feel like taking a wizz on your head".

Back then, people were special. The music didn't suck and Presidents didn't lie so much. The 1990's can still come back to you. You just need to have faith. Here's some of the things you could do:

  • You could worship Satan. It was popular back then....in the 1990's.
  • You could listen to the same rock tunes (which are still being played today) and pretend like it's something totally new.
  • You could bring me some taco bell, you moronic asshole. Don't you want to be part of us? Well, start by moving your silly ass and bring me some food. And easy on the pepper sauce!
  • You could write an article about how the Y2K is going to be the end of the world and how everyone should start making backups before their computers are erased and all their valuable data is missed...... only to realize it was all a big, compact, full load of CRAP.
  • A man named Papatoetoe emerged fron the earth's core. He then froze in Antartica after feeling too cold.

Timeline[edit]

  • January 1
  • January 2
    • The first Synergy Hybrid Electric/Diesel bus becomes operational in New York City, able to run less than 1 km per charge. First trip took place at 938 Wall Street to 940 Wall Street at $43.00 a trip. The New York Street and Cable Electric Railway plans to stick with light rail, unsurprisingly.
    • John Hay announces the Open Door Policy to promote trade with China, lead exports skyrocket.
    • Lu Bu begins a fight with a grue.
  • January 3 - British Royal Yacht, Victoria Calvin and Albert Klein capsizes as it leaves port.
  • January 4 - Strikes in Belgium and Germany lead to tobacco shortages, customers curious why they feel stress and abnormal cravings.
  • January 5
  • January 6
    • It is reported that you need food to live.
    • It is reported that billions are starving in India. It is also reported that food is not too abundant in India.
    • It is reported that 50% of all reports are reportedly reported incorrectly due to a 25% error in the reporting process.
  • January 8 - United States President William McKinley, not to be confused with John McKinley, places Alaska under polar bear rule.
  • January 9
    • The first passenger train runs from Cairo through Khartoum, millions of dollars in damages reported.
    • Jazz strikes London.
  • January 12 - In India, three and a quarter million people are receiving Famine relief.
  • January 13 - Kaiser of Germany declares that German is the official language of Germany.
  • January 14 - Premier presentation of opera Tosca in Rome - Rolling Stones Magazine rates it "Hellishly horrendous claptrap of emancipated fecal matter that has graced these great stages of Italy."
  • January 15 - 20th century is now officially named as worst century ever.
  • January 16 -The United States Senate accepts, in a move which has no relation to the United States, the Anglo-German Treaty of 1899 in which the United Kingdom renounced its claims to the water molecule. (The Senate was reportedly stoned on absinthe at the time.)
  • January 17
  • January 23 - 5000 Austrian soccerfootball players go on strike..
  • January 26 - The Labor League Conference opens in Sydney, Australia with plans to form a Fascist Party.
  • January 27 - Boxer Rebellion: Foreign diplomats in Peking Duck China demand that the Boxer rebels be disciplined, nobody knows what they're talking about.
  • January 29 - The American League of Professional Baseball Clubs is organized in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania with one founding team.
  • February 1 - Western Australia refuses to join the United Federation of Planets unless given 5 years of fiscal freedom.
  • February 3
  • February 5
  • February 9
    • Dwight F. Davis creates the Davis Cup tennis tournament.
    • Lu Bu destroys the grue by saying "he was tired", the sheer amount of sarcasm destroyed the grue and killed several others nearby. Lu Bu laughs.
    • Short skirts and upblouse pornography become popular.
  • February 12 - Meeting held in Mile End, London to protest against the Second Boer War ends in coffee breaks.
  • February 14 - Russia responds to international pressure to free Finland by increasing air pressure over the country.
  • February 16 - Appearance of "Savrola (A Tale of Revolution in Laurania, aka that place nobody has heard about)", the first (and only) novel of Winston Churchill. Only 10 copies are sold due to lack of interest.
  • February 18
    • Harry Vardon becomes world golf champion with a score of +7.
    • A man claims that X-rays have cured his hangnail.
  • February 19 - Alfred von Tirpitz says the German fleet "must be good".
  • February 26 - The Grand Theatre, Islington performs its one-off play The Grand Theatre Arson.
  • February 29 [27]
  • March 2
  • March 3
    • Tobacco strike ends in Germany, world pollution skyrockets. Scientists blame global cooling.
    • Classes open at The Training School for Christian and Catholic Workers of the 75th Jewish Order of Hinduism, which would become Azusa Pacific University.
  • March 5 - Archduke Franz Ferdinard of Austria-Hungary throws a slumber party for the European heads-of-state; it is a joyous occasion, indeed.
  • March 7 - Fire at Buckingham Palace destroys a marijuana stash.
  • March 8 - Rejoicing in London as Queen Victoria is seen in person, rather than by paintings.
  • March 9 - Women in Germany demand right to participate in floggings.
  • March 14
  • March 15
  • March 19
    • In London, public subscription for new Government Boer War loan is £335m - 11 times the amount for a year's subscription of Time magazine.
  • March 24 -
    • New York City Mayor Van Dyck breaks ground for a new underground "Rapid Transit Railroad" that would link Manhattan and Brooklyn.
    • A magnitude 5.5 earthquake strikes New York City, destroying the two spikes laid down for the Rapid Transit Railroad.
  • March 25 - The War of the Golden Stool erupts in the Ashanti Kingdom of West Africa between the Ashanti and British colonial forces over a golden piece of fecal matter left by a deer.
  • March 31 - In France, the length of a workday for women and children is limited to 24 hours by law. Cigarette breaks are increased to 10 hours a day.
  • April 1
  • April 4 - Anarchists shoots up infront of the Prince of Wales during his visit to Belgium in the birthday celebrations of the king of Belgium.
  • April 14 - Paris France Exhibition opens.
  • April 22 - French forces defeat and kill Rabih az-Zubayr, thus guaranteeing French domination of the French Baguette.
  • May 1 - US census finally completes its count.
  • May 29 - Mexicans celebrate Christmas, then realize it's the wrong date.
  • June 16 - Sigmund Freud is invited to a private meeting of the Secret Order of the Scientologists. There, he is brainwashed into believing his own ideas, and subsequently attempts to castrate himself.
  • July 4 - Democratic presidential candidate William Jennings Bryan burns an American flag at the U.S. Capitol and is thrown into jail for it.
  • August 31 - The elder Oscar Wilde is again troubled by a visit from his younger self, this time for help with his love life. Wilde tosses the young man out, claiming it's "for your own protection."
  • September 9 - Sigmund Freud visits William Jennings Bryan in jail and attempts to castrate him with a scalpel. Freud is ordered out and deported back overseas, but the damage is already done; Bryan declares defeat and goes home to rest, leaving incumbent President William McKinley to be re-elected, just as his Scientologist overlords had predicted all along.
  • October 19 - Franz Ferdinand visits Mexico and is confused by their Easter celebrations, seeing as it's now the middle of fall. He orders them to set aside a federal holiday for him, which will be celebrated with the demolishion of castanets and shot glasses. It is later moved to May 5 and celebrated by burning effigies of the Archduke.
  • November 30 - The elder Oscar Wilde, now relaxing with a bottle of Merlot at the top of the Eiffel Tower after having finally gotten his younger self out of his life, is pushed off the edge of the tower by the young Oscar Wilde, who only wanted to get that annoying old wanker out of his life. He subsequently decides to lie low for a little while; surely it wouldn't take long to wait.
  • December 31 1899 [1900] - Century ends, world didn't come to an end, have fun.

1901[edit]

  • In 1901, it is widely held that many things happened. These were glorious things and brought freedom to everyone and tears to the eyes of everyone that had eyes capable of holding tears.
  • The year when the 20th century actually began.
  • It was also the year interest rates were invented.
  • Michael Eisner obtains approval from deceased grand-uncle to sell puzzle potato to cover gambling debts.
  • Ford motor company creates the middle class. Companies now have patrons to sell useless shit to.
  • Spring - the game Diplomacy starts. France submits its disapproval of England's first turn move into the English Channel. Italy sits in a corner and sulks.
  • Summer - Victorian age summer: "proper" women never dived, "real" men wore clothes while swimming and they never sat together by the side of the lake.
  • Fall - In the Pan-American Exhibition of Buffalo, New York, U.S. President William McKinley assassinated by a loose anarchist nutjob (blame Canada!).
  • Megatron is dumped in a scrapyard after killing several of his owners.
  • Canada gets ready for WWI.
  • The U.S. annexes former Spanish colonies such as Castile and Iberia.
  • December 13 - suddenly many 32-bit Unix using n00bs time travel to 20:45:52 UTC from January 19, 2038 because of time paradox caused by an overflow in time_t structure.

1902[edit]

Following his presidency, John F. Kennedy was asked to reflect on this important year in American history, despite the fact that his mother was still a virgin then. Jesus is also proved to be a porn star.

What a great year.
Why, now was this year so great? Well its simple. This was because the indoor air-conditioner was devloped. Now what an outdoor air-conditioner does, I am not quite sure. But, at least it was made to be an indoor device. Where would we be without air-conditioning?
Also during this amazing year, a T-Rex was discovered wandering around Hell (Creek), Montana. What the hell was a T-Rex doing in Montana?
John F. Kennedy in Glory Days

Also noteworthy, this was the year Theodore "T-Ros" Roosevelt ate an entire bear in one sitting, just because it looked at him cross-eyed.

Bonnie and Clyde both hit puberty on the same day. Coincidence?

Bill Clinton declares Centerville the most boring place in America.

  • Queen Victoria Dies, as a result all of Britain goes batshit crazy, nuking the world. The world regenerates.
  • Turpentine is invented.
The Rocket in the Moon's eye
The arabians plan an attack on the United States using air-onatics.

1903[edit]

“1903 Sucked”
~ Captain Obvious on The year 1903
  • January 1 - Laa-Laa Teletubby is proclaimed Emperor of India
  • January 2 - Charles Montgomery Burns born in Bavaria.
  • January 10 - Queen Victoria dies after holding in her shit in too long, because "proper" women never pooped.
  • February 6-International Meeper Association Conference.
  • February 11 - The Oxnard Strike represents the first time in U.S. history that a labor union was formed from members of the vegetable family, mainly potatoes and carrots.
  • February 12 - Ghost of Abraham Lincoln appeared in the white house to warn or advice Theodore Roosevelt on how to be a real good president.
  • February 15 - Morris Michtom and his wife Mitchell introduce the first Furry suit in America.
  • February 19 - Mathemagician Big Norman develops the theory of Personal spaces. He is later revealed to have been Cauchy in a different hat.
  • February 23 - Cuba leases Guantanamo Bay to the United States "in perpetuity" for 50 bucks and some Holiday Inn guest towels. Cuba never receives the towels.
  • March 2 - In New York City the Martha Washington Hotel opens, becoming the first "hotel" exclusively for women (wink wink, nudge nudge).
  • March 3 - The British admiralty announces plans to build a naval base at the top of Mt. Everest, one of the greatest engineering feats in history.
  • March 5 - Turkey and Germany sign an agreement to build the Constantinople-Baghdad Super Water Slide; the greatest engineering feat in history since two days before.
  • March 14 - The Hay-Herran Treaty, granting the United States the right to build the Panama Canal, was ratified by the United States Senate. The Colombian Senate initially rejected the treaty, but later reconsidered after they were able to make "special arrangements" with the DEA.
  • March 14A Constitutional Convention of the AMSWWBUW in Geisenheim, Germany.
  • March 22 - the US side of the Niagara Falls ran short of water; the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man was called in to assist in breaking up ice jams.
  • April 4 - Dong, the first video game is released by Microsoft, invented in a dork named William Gates Jr.'s parents house basement in a sleepy California suburb of Sunnyvale.
  • April 29 - 30,000,000 cubic metre Jelloslide kills 70 in Frank, Alberta.
  • June 10-11 - Assassination of King Alexander of Serbia and Queen Draga. Oh, come on - was that really her name?
  • July 1-19 - First Tour de France; Maurice Garin won, but retreated when Rodolfo Muller claimed victory.
  • July 23 - Dr. Ernst Pfenning of Chicago, Illinois becomes the first owner of a Ford Model A.
  • July 24 - Dr. Ernst Pfenning of Chicago, Illinois becomes the first owner of a Ford to wish he'd bought something else.
  • September 14 - Joseph Chamberlain resigns as Colonial Secretary, proclaims "pizza in our time."
  • September 21 - Dr. Ernst Pfenning of Chicago, Illinois dies as his car plummets into Lake Michigan. It is the first reported case of vehicular suicide.
  • August 4 - Pope Pius X elected; throws wild bash at the Vatican, necessitating calling the police.
  • October - Frank Nelson Cole proved that 2^67-1 is composite by factoring it as 193,707,727 * 761,838,257,287 after trying every Sunday for 3 years. Is surprised that this accomplishment does not, finally, get him laid.
  • October 10 - Foundation of the Women's Social and Political Union. You've come a long way, baby! Now get back in there and fix my dinner.
  • October 13 - First Columbus day parade celebrated by I-talians the Anglo-saxons hated so much. This was long before it became a "White American" holiday and finally by 1992, not P.C. over the fact Columbus was a murderer to all those Native Americans who were here first.
  • October 17 - First newspaper account of the The Great Minnesota Incident. It is not known exactly when the incident occurred.
  • November 13 - William Butler Yeats marries his dog, Chico.
  • December 17 - Orville Wright flies an aircraft with a petrol engine in the first documented, successful controlled powered heavier-than-air flight. Historic words "Holy shit!" uttered upon landing. Wilbur complains that Orville always gets to do the cool stuff and Mom always liked him better.
  • December 19 - Large spillage of Manjar Blanco at Manjar Plant in Chile. Twenty Four Thousand Manjar Plant employees killed or injured (1 killed, 23,999 injured) in the disaster. Man who died was caramalised on touching the Manjar. Evil Overlord Fuhrer of the plant hailed the disaster as "Consunghusistema", or a huge asset to the economy of Eastern Siberia. Manjar is in fact a real thing, and not a total load of fuck-witted bullshit you may think it is. It is a sweet delacacy in countries all over the world.
  • December 14.5 - Absolutely NO ONE knows how this date came into existence AFTER December 19.

1904[edit]

1904: The Year Without A Soul[edit]

In 1904, roughly a hundred plagues where visited upon Europe, due to the Santa Clause in France's constitution.

The Santa Clause[edit]

In 1900, the French people passed the Santa Clause to their constitution. It said in a hundred pages what Americans have known for a hundred years: the modern system of French warfare, in which all French soldiers are equipped with a single white flag and surrender upon sight of an enemy. For four years Satan raged at the way his name was destroyed by the French people. In 1904, God let him have his revenge.

The Souless Year[edit]

When January 1st, 1904 rolled around in France, the world got its first taste of what was to come. All people who lived in Paris were visited with a preview of the 1918 version of the flu. The next notable incident happened on February 14th, when all European manufacturers of Valentines cards suddenly exploded, with the force of thirty very large hydrogen bombs each. Minor aches and pains flooded Europe for the rest of the year, until Christmas when the next notable plague struck, which caused all Europeans to suffer a very bad case of cholera.

The Return of God[edit]

Having come back from his year long vacation New Year's Day, 1905, God reversed the lingering curses on the condition that the Santa Clause be done away with. Though the French people did as they were told, they didn't change their style of warfare, so God let Satan have one more piece of vengeance: Satan chose his antichrist and nutured his evil side. The name of this man is not known.

  • William Butler Yeats dies at the age of 39.
  • Summer olympics and world's fair and Human zoo exhibit in St. Louis, Missouri shown the world of the "natural superiority" of white Caucasian American men.

1905[edit]

Fifth year of the 20th Century.

Politics[edit]

  • The Russian Revolution of 1905. In spite of taking place in the correct year, the revolution is a failure. 'Bite me, suckers!' ~~ the Czar.
  • The USA of Amerika annexes Australia following Teddy Roosevelt's victory in an arm-wrestling match against Alfred Deakin.
  • Norway divorces Sweden, moves back in with mother.
  • Canada annexes the North Pole. When Santa's Elves commence guerrilla warfare, their Canadian oppressors have them forcibly relocated to Newfoundland. This is thought to be the origin of the phrases 'as bitter as a Newfoundland Elf' and 'whoa, momma, where's the pancakes?'
  • Mars establishes the Welcome Our Martian Overlords Party in attempt to take over Earth peacefully. They lose many elections.

War[edit]

  • The Russian Fleet arrives in the Sea of Japan after eight months travel from the Baltic Sea. They are defeated by the Japanese Navy in under two hours. This actually happened, but I still think it's funny.
  • The Potemkin Mutiny. Fearing that the Russian fleet might not be crap enough already, the crew of the Potemkin mutiny in Odessa. Due to the low production values of the mutineers, the mutiny is all in black and white and has no soundtrack.
  • The British build the HMS Dreadnought, a gigantic battleship with huge guns. 'We are not compensating for anything,' declares King Edward VII, 'Actually, the guns on this ship are tiny compared to my royal sceptre, if you know what I mean.'
  • The Germans start building U-boats. 'At least our phallic symbols actually look sort of like penises,' says Kaiser Wilhelm, 'If your willy looks like a battleship, you've got troubles.'
  • A short-lived, but bloody war (The Kitten War) between Venezuela and Spain ends after both sides run out of kittens to use as ammunition in their cannons. Historians estimate that between 450'000 and 2'000'000 people were killed.
  • Mars invades Saturn for resources, they claim it had nukes. Jupiter, Neptune and Venus declare war on Pluto for unknown reasons.

Art[edit]

  • Some frogs got wasted on absinthe and painted some stuff, I guess.
  • Colering Crayons are first introduced to New Zealand.
  • Guy Dies in bloody sprawl. Pretty.
  • Lu Bu kills several artists for attempting to paint him. "It doesn't look like me!" he shouted to one artist as he beat him down with the canvas.

Science[edit]

Music[edit]

1906[edit]

  • The few years prior to 1906 went along fine; 1903 particularly, who single-handedly fended off the second coming of Christ by tricking God into thinking he was a turnip. This is known as the Great Turnip Confusion of 1903, or the God Turned Up a Turnip Era of the early 1900s. This event also spurred a new desire for horrible puns.
  • Many theorize that 1906 saw the success of 1903 and many of the years prior, and felt it could not live up to the new standard years are expected to yield. Others believe that that theory is bullshit and bet money that 1906 just forgot it was its turn and instead opened up a gay Mexican discotheque in Dallas, Texas next to 2009. Respected scientists, however, just say the entire human population just skipped 1906 by accident and went straight to 1907 without looking back.
  • Whatever your theory, it cannot be denied that 1906 did not happen, and probably never will. I, for one, would welcome 1906 between, say 2023 and 2024 as a nice break from the confusion of trying to say the years in the 2000s without sounding like an idiot. "Twenty Twenty-Three" just sounds lame. "Nineteen Oh-Six" has potential for an "O-Face" joke.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Jesus was pissed that his father returned two years before him and destroyed all of the Wendys Resturants as revenge to his Father and the world. With the 7th largest econemy destroyed, Soviet Russia returns to it's former glory and begins to mass-produce exploding Keanu Reeves toys. Several countries fell to the horror some examples are, Belgium, Canada (The True Canada), Spain, Niaps (It's evil clone), Penguinville, Zergling City, And the Republic of Tentacle Rape Monsters. The world weeps for the loss of their greatest deporter of Tentacle Rapings.

1907[edit]

  • Jerome K Jerome's The Passing of the Back Door, a collection of short stories, poems, and dirty limericks, is published.
  • No one is awarded the Nobel Physics Prize. However, to satisfy the contestants, a prize jackpot is scheduled for the following year.
  • The Irish Replublican Bastards proclaim Mr. Caton from County Donegal as the President after he shits on Mr. Hartley's Model T.
  • Oklahoma becomes the 46th, 47th, whatever U.S. state.
  • First motion picture, er movie filmed in a lot at a town called Hollywood near Los Angeles.
  • Women in the western world stopped wearing corsets. Uh oh.

1908[edit]

1909[edit]

War of 1812: Spanish invasion of Normandy, France.

Some people call it the Urban Cowboy, yeah Some call it the Pimpster of love Some people call it the Rennaisance Cause it speaks of the pompitous of love

People keep talkin' about it, baby Say it's doin' you wrong, doin' you wrong Well, don't you worry baby No, don't worry Cause it's right here, right here, right here, right here at home

Cause `09's a picker It's a grinner It's a lover And It's a sinner It plays its music in the sun

It's a joker It's a smoker It's a midnight toker It gets its lovin' on the run

So that song was like 100-101 years old, not from the early '70s.

Trivia[edit]

20th Century Fox is the official sponsor of the twentieth century and its the home of The Simpsons.

The atomic bomb was invented by the doll 'Jemima' before her Playschool time began. Her plan to blow up the entire world is going to take place in 2012 which is why the Mayan calendar stops there. That and because they got lazy.

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