7 Spheres of Hell
The Seven Spheres of Hell were first defined within Dante's Auntie's Book: "A Guide to Hell - A Visitors Guide to Hades", written in 1783. The Book was an instant bestseller and remains a firm favourite amongst the people of her native Finland. The Spheres were defined as follows:
Sphere of the Fiery Spike up the Bum
This is the first sphere of h.e double hockey stxs. This is for all the pathetic losers of the world who couldn't get a girlfriend.
Sphere of being slapped repeatedly across the face with a large wet fish
Sphere of Doom!!!
Here you are lit on fire and forced to dance to the Macarina. All who refuse will be sent off to be fucked up the ass by German speaking monkeys. If, and only when the monkies begin to speak any other language, will one be carried off to the next sphere
Sphere of Dogs and Cats doing things
A section of Hell set aside for non-believer and believers alike, home of several inventive tortures including singing offkey and perpetual bad hair, as well as the Eternal Pit of Fire and Brimstone. Those the gods wish to drive mad, they show unending reruns of I Love Lucy. Famed inhabitants include Ghandi, Queen Victoria and Girls Aloud.
Sphere of Large Breasted German Transexuals
A lovely spot in Hell, visited yearly by the Duke and Duchess of Winsdor.
|Smite | Damnation | Flagellation | Flood | Death of Your First Born | Frogs | Pestilence | Rivers of Blood|
|Locusts | Fire and Brimstone | Famine | Cancer | Reaganomics | Spontaneous Combustion ||