7 Wonders of the World
The Seven Wonders of the World are widely-known list of fairly impressive structures, all of which were constructed during the Golden Era of the early 1980s. The list is named in honor of noted sightseer, Stevie Wonder, who originally compiled the list in a transparent attempt to compete with the popularity of the Jackson 5ive.
It was later revised by chuck norris, who drop kicked all 7 of the original wonders. The new 7 wonders then broke up, they all went there seperate ways. 6 of them died from drugs, the 1 left tried to start a solo career as the 1 woneder. It died eventually because it hated itself. So, the 3rd re-encarnation of the 7 wonders is now all we have. And they are...
1) Great Pyramid of Geezers
- Located in Florida, the pyramid is oldest of the seven wonders. The rumors that the pyramid serves as the headquarters of the Illuminati are completely untrue.
2) Miller Litehouse of Alexandria
- The city of Alexandria, Egypt was an innovator of the practice of selling corporate naming rights. The city's relationship with Miller Brewing was more successful than the Library of Alexandria, presented by Kingsford.
3) The Colossus of Rhode Island
- This statue standing astride Narragansett Bay was constructed by civic boosters from Providence in a oxymoronic fit at the expense of Reno, Nevada.
4) The Great Mall of China
- The structure was originially known as Wal-Mart until the Justice Department required the company to disclose the origin of most of its goods. The Great Mall is the only retail establishment that can been seen from space (and occasionally from the outlying regions of the store's parking lot).
5) The Hanging Chads of Florida
- These mighty chads of structurally-reinforced cardboard were constructed by Jeb Bush in order to aid and protect his closest political allies, such as George W Bush and Pat Buchanan. For uncounted hours on end, the thick papery barricades held firm against relentless attacks from the stylus-wielding forces of liberal dissent, and changed the course of History forever.
6) Temple of Artifice At Ephesus
- A tourist trap for visitors to Asia Minor, the famed Ionic temple is no more than painted, two-dimensional plywood façade.
7) Trump Taj Mahal Atlantic City Hotel & Casino
- This spot, originally held by the Mausoleum of Maussollos, was transferred to Atlantic City by network fiat.
8) The fact that the 8 Wonders of the World shall always be referred to as the 7 Wonders of the World
- Legend has it that this was constructed by a dozen dragons frustrated by The Times crossword.
The Seven Ex Wonders of the World
1) The Wall of Bi-Sandium
- This wall separates bisexual sand from normal lesbian sand, and for that reason it is huge.
2) The Mall of Buzz-Antium
- This mall sells Buzz Lightyear stuff to ants.
3) The Mausoleum of Maussollos
- Maussollos was the king of the land Maussolleum, in present day he is known as the Mausoleum king.
4) The Heads of Easter Island
- There has been a huge discussion about these heads, whether they were annimals or plants. In the end these heads turned out to be specially painted eggs.
- It is a huge mysteriously petrified hedge.
6) The Laser of the Dead Star
- Some kind of laserbeam emitting part of some dead star.
7) The 8th Wonder of the World
- It is a fact that the 8 Wonders of the World shall always be referred to as the 7 Wonders of the World.
Controversy and Changes
Deriding the Mausoleum of Maussollos as a "Redundant Heap of Redundancy," New Jersey real estate developer Donald Trump vowed to "class up" the list. In 2004, Mr. Trump convened a special episode of The Apprentice to select a sufficiently "Trumptastic" monument for inclusion among the wonders.
Although Mr. Trump's comb-over was acknowleged as a major engineering accomplishment on par with the Saturn V rocket or Panama Canal, it suffered from a lack of gold leaf and neon. The actual Taj Mahal was similarly rejected as too subtle, so an Atlantic City casino was chosen in its place.