Seventh Heaven

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7th Heaven is the spawn of the satanic Aaron Spelling. It usually appears in your television, much like Sadako (or Samara for you uncultured Americans and mindless minions). It might also rape your dreams.

[edit] Plot

Every episode of 7th Heaven evolves around true crimes committed by the main characters (or antagonists?), which just happens to be an incestous and molesting vicars family. Every season also contains a mastercrime, usually the abduction of some innocent sheep to be sodomized by Eric Cumthen, the vicar. The episodes always has a message, too, usually that incest or animal sex is okay. Reports from the 11th season staff also indicates that two new, inbred twin devils will be born - exciting, isn't it?

[edit] Main characters

Eric Cumthen - The family head. He is the moral compass, the judge and the goverment in the family. He is for some reason very skilled at whipping. He enjoys sodomization, incest and rapine. Also, for some odd reason, his eyes are always outlined in red. Coincidence? We think not. In fact, we've often seen him lurking in the background of a scene, secretly toking...

Mama Cumthen - A whitetrash woman who grew up in a trailer park. She is the cousin of Eric and enjoys fags (as in cigarettes, so don't get any ideas) and booze as well as the weekly banging she gets from her oversexual husband.

Marty Cumthen He is an attractive but oh so stupid young man. He is also considered by objective viewers to be homosexual, although such a sin is strictly prohibited by the bisexual Eric.

Mary Cumthen - Oldest daughter. A real hottie, and a smart one too. She has a very free view on sex, which antagonizes Eric. Fled from her abusive home at seventeen and works as a callgirl in Newark.

Lousy Cumthen - Eric's favourite daughter. Big-breasted and willing to be raped. Carries her brothers baby.

Daemon Cumthen - An übergeek. Glasses, greasy hair and an overbite. Usually the main target for his fathers rage. The father of Lousy's baby.

Martha Cumthen - An annoying brat. A really annoying brat. And by really, I mean really really... really.

Number 1 and Number 2 - Their annoyingness is only surpassed by Martha... and that says a lot.

Kunta Kinte - The house slave. Poor thing.

[edit] Comments about 7th Heaven

“OH MY GOD! MY EYES! MY EYES!”

~ Oscar Wilde on 7th Heaven

“This is disgusting even for Aaron Spelling”

~ Lord Markus on 7th Heaven

“Das Germans Scheiße-porn ist muche gut, jaaa.”

~ Germans on 7th Heaven

“Very nice, how much?”

~ Borat on 7th Heaven

“I watched it, and wondered, where is the heaven in all of this?”

~ Kirk Cameron on 7th Heaven

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