9/11: The Movie

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9/11: The Movie was made by Warner Bros to heal the wounds made by the 9/11 tragedy (and not as an exploitation piece). The film is critically acclaimed but steeped in controversy.

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[edit] Mid-Post Production Controvercy

Many pundents complained that 9/11: The Movie came out too early and could very well piss a whole lot of people off. After production, this fear increased since many thought that the events may have been handled too heavily (given that there was a small budget because of reluctance to produce such a film so soon after the disaster). However, once released, the film did surprisingly well.

[edit] The Film

9/11 begins with reenactments of a normal day within the WTC, and the airliners filled with people rushing off to their daily business when all of a sudden, the planes are hijacked by masked men wielding scimitars and speaking in Semitic accents. The Terrorists fly into the WTC (this sequence, out of respect, was comprised entirely of actual footage of the impacts). In the next segment, the president learns from the CIA that it is indeed Osama Bin Laden. Thus they initiate Operation Rolling Thunder, a mission to pick Osama and his henchmen off one my one, thus recruiting the best men for the job: Chuck Norris and Lucy Liu.

The rest of the film involves Norris traveling to Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran fighting a plethora of ninjas (some of them robots) hand to hand until finally ending up in the Holy Land engaging Osama himself (played convincingly by Iron Sheikh). Along the way they rescue villi age kids near a well (who are strangely caucasian) distributing candy, infiltrating Saddam Hussein’s Palace (Chuck breaching the high tech security system by taking a piss on the lock, and unfortunately, all over the carpet as well), crash a meeting between all the representatives of the axis of evil, fight an octopus underneath Saddam’s dungeon (they later feed him to it), get into an embarrassing situation involving a scorpion in Lucy Liu’s pants, Chuck being caught passed-out naked during Ramadan in an Iranian hotel playing Lee Greenwood, disabling a nuke with one of Lucy’s barrettes, and being assisted all the way by a wacky suicide bomber named Aladdin Jinni (played by Robin Williams).

Once they reach Jerusalem they face off against Osama eventually kicking him down a flight of stairs and onto the Wailing Wall only to discover it to simply be a robot. They eventually find the real Osama Bin Laden under the Temple of Solomon where he plans to steal the Ark of the Covenant, but Chuck later defeats by kneeing his nads and then smothering him to death with a McDonald’s BLT, They later use the Ark to melt all the other terrorists and make time reverse, thus uncausing 9/11.

[edit] Critical Responses

9/11: The Movie received a surprising amount of praise given all the initial aprehension. Many directors like Leonard Maltin described it as “Breathtaking and thrilling, yet sublimbely moving, or is that movingly sublime?”, and Roger Ebert said that “A thoughtful presentation of a horrible day when all the street vendors were forced out of commission and planes did not run on time, and I think there was something about a building falling down…”

[edit] Beginning of a Phenomena

Because of this film, 9/11 was commemorated in a series of cups, t-shirts, and a toyline (of specific demand was the exploding Mosque playset which features Muslims kneeling on an exploding floor, which many liked because it irreverently gave the appearance of mass flatulence). But the most best selling tie in of all was 9/11: The Video Game.

However this also spawned jealousy in Oliver Stone, who would eventually do his own version of 9/11: WTC, or simply Bush. In this version, Stone presents a theory that the military industrial complex, instructed by the ghosts of Ptoleme and Robert McNamara, actually allowed 9/11 to happen. He also states that the towers where taken out by a third plane emerging from out of a cloudy formation, as shown on the Zepruder film. Stone suggests that this plane is actually a holograph.

[edit] See Also

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