AAAAAA

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The Amorally Altered Aeroplane, Airplane and Automobile Association

“I saved a bunch of money by switching to AAAAAA! ...That's the name, I didn't just scream.”

~ Satisfied customer on AAAAAA

AAAAAA Can refer to either the company, the AAAAAA, or to the district in Tokyo, the AAAAAA District.

The Organization[edit]

The AAAAAA, or Amorally Altered Aeroplane, Airplane and Automobile Association, is a worldwide company founded in 2000, hoping to get people cheap car insurance and free movie passes. The reputation of the company has been shattered after the AAAAAA District Naming Incident (see below), and documents decimated after an stampede. Through various efforts, like sponsoring the American Justice Coalition and asking Jesus and Mr. T for help, the company is beginning to rebuild its lost consumer trust. AAAAAA can also stand for the Absolutely Awesome Allied Atheist Association of America.

The AAAAAA is nothing like those hacks at Geico, they are about customer service and great deals. Really. I saved a ton of money by switching to AAAAAA. I also got a few discounted movie passes.

Programs[edit]

  • 24-hour Roadside Assistance (not including the 24-Hour wait)
  • Cheap Insurance Rates
  • Discounted Museum Passes
  • Extended Vehicle Warranty
  • Monster Insurance
  • Lottery Tickets
  • Hooker Directory

While these are all good, the real reason people join:

  • Free Movie Passes (seriously, who goes to museums anyways?)

Membership[edit]

Membership is a monthly fixed rate, with varying plans depending on what precious metal you want to pretend you're worth to them.

  • Lesbium memberships are the basic ones. You are given a toothpick and a Towel in the event of a roadside emergency.
  • Neon Memberships actually get a AAAAAA Representative to visit them within twelve hours of the call, who is willing to help them push their vehicle three miles before stopping and demanding additional money.
  • Potato Members receive a full 100 miles of assistance. After that, the question really must be asked "how did you get 100 Miles away from home? You don't even have any friends!"

Spokespeople[edit]

The AAAAAA District, Tokyo[edit]

A tourist photo of the AAAAAA District

The AAAAAA District is an area of downtown Tokyo known for being frequently destroyed in the wake of giant monster and robot battles. The name originated from the area being the intended World headquarters of the AAAAAA. The company later pulled out due to a monster attack during the inauguration speech and dedication ceremony. The Chairman happened to be crushed to death at a critical moment in the speech, in which the District was to be named.

Nestled safely between the foothills of Mount Fuji and the Japanese coastline, the district is constantly being modernized, due to almost constant monster attacks. As soon as the construction is complete on a new building, it is destroyed by an ogre. This makes construction companies happy, and has been accused of being a conspiracy.

Some 11,184,810 people have been killed in these attacks in the past ten years.

Naming[edit]

Sources indicate that the speech was going to read thus:

"We, at the AAAAAA, plan to call this tokyo district 'Akihabara'"

Unfortunately, due to an ill-timed Iron beam, the speech came out as:

"We, here at the AAAAAA, plan to call this area 'AAAAAA'!!!!"

The name "Akihabara" went to another district in Tokyo, much to the chagrin of the AAAAAA, who later relocated to a much safer area of the world.

The AAAAAA District Conspiracy[edit]

Some have said that the appearance of a monster and subsequent the destruction of a building is somewhat suspicious. Occasionally, someone has raised the question of "why is new building X being destroyed by monster X?" Each time this question has come up, however, the person asking has always been killed by the monster. I guess that's what you get for asking questions.

Those that aren't killed by the monster attack are often seen a few weeks later talking about how much money they saved through the AAAAAA. The eerie pale glow in their eyes is rarely commented on, and generally ignored by friends and family--many of whom also switch their insurance to AAAAAA.


See also[edit]