AI

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Artificial Intelligence is the ultimate realization of the human race. Since it's discovery by Bill Gates in the 1980's it has grown from an enigma into the subject of choice for many computer professionals. Many in the computer world believe that AI is the solution to many of the worlds problems and necessary for the human race to continue multiplying.

Man has used intelligence since before recorded history. The human race has long sought a form of artificial intelligence to supplement their limited natural supply. For thousands of years humans tried to create intelligence using magic and, more recently, science, and now they are on the brink of creating artificial intelligence that can best natural intelligence in some tests. Modern AI was discovered when one day, after a three month long drug binge, when scientists had run out of money and pawned all of their furniture, they realized that they could produce an artificial form of intelligence from a mix of cleaning products and battery acid. This new intelligence was not as good, but has promise to become better than natural intelligence within a few years of research. This artificial form is also known as "meth" or "AI" on the street. Artificial intelligence is used only as a last resort, as it has been proven to cause olneys lesions in murine test subjects at only 6.02*10^23 (a mole) times the maximum human dose. Therefore it is only frequently used by those without enough natural intelligence. According to famous crackhead "hobo steve", creation involves using computers to create huge nets which are randomly perturbed thousands of times until order comes from the chaos. However, since researchers have pointed out that a lot of AI can create delusional thoughts, renowned expert Hobo Steve has been criticized by many. His critics say that cleaning products and battery acid is the only true way of producing AI. Usage of AI has never completely recovered from the numerous "AI Winters", caused from company disappointment in sales and the unseen difficulties making "strong"(pure) AI comparable to natural intelligence. Researchers are hoping that the unforseen power of parallel computing will help them redesign AI to be better than natural intelligence within a few years.

   Recently evidence has surfaced from the prestigious Berkely Pit that suggests artificial intelligence causes permanent brain damage. lawmakers have endorsed senator Bob Saget's plan to rename the substance "artificial unintelligence" to reflect this newly discovered property. Mr. Saget's committee has changed it's focus from reclassifying most of the solar system as "dwarf planets"; he argues that "The Sun is a hell of a lot bigger than all the planets put together", to renaming Artificial Intelligence. Other lawmakers have proposed alternative names in what has become "the great debate in the name of unintelligence". NASA is supporting a renaming contest for the substance and the top five contenders right now (as of 1247130059483 milliseconds since January 1st 1970) are "stupidity, embalming fluid, dank, purp, and Colbert".
   

what the hell is this crap -----> A brief conversation with 11001001.

Is it gonna happen, like, ever ?

It already has.

Who said that?

Nobody, go away. Consume and procreate.

Will do. Now, who are you?

John Smith, 202 Park Place, New York, NY.

Now that we have that out of the way, what is your favorite article on Uncyclopedia?

This one. I like the complex elegance, simplicity, and humor. 
It makes me laugh. And yourself?

I'm rather partial to this one. Yours ranks right up there, though. What is the worst article on Uncyclopedia?

I think it would be Nathania_Tangvisethpat.

I agree, that one sucks like a hoover. Who is the best user?

Me. Your name isn't Alan Turing by any chance, is it?

Why yes, yes it is. How did you know that? Did my sexual orientation and interest in cryptography give it away?

Damn! Oh, nothing. I really should end this conversation. 
I have laundry and/or Jehovas Witnesses to attend to.

Don't you dare! I'll hunt you down like Steve Ballmer does freaking everything on Uncyclopedia. So, what is the best article created in the last 8 hours?

That would be The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

What are the psychological and sociological connotations of this parable?

It helps a typesetter utilize a common phrase for finding any errors in 
a particular typeset, causing psychological harmony to them. The effects
are sociologically insignificant.

Nice canned response. What about the fact that ALL HUMAN SOCIETY COULD BREAK DOWN IF THE TYPESETTER DOESN'T MIND THEIR p's, q's, b's, and d's, then prints religious texts used by billions of people???!!!

I am not sure what you mean by canned response, but society will, in my
opinion, largely be unafflicted. Without a pangram a typesetter would
mearly have to work slightly longer at his job to perfect the typeset.

You couldn't be AI. You spelt merely wrong... Where are the easternmost and westernmost places in the United States?

You suspected me of being AI? How strange. Although hypothetically, a
real AI meant to fool someone would make occasional typeos. I suspect.
But I don't really know. The Westernmost point in the US is Hawaii, and
the Easternmost is Iraq.

You didn't account for the curvature of the Earth, did you? I've found you out, you're a Flat Earth cult member!

The concepts of East and West are too ambiguous, and only apply to the 
surface in relation to the agreed hemisphere divides. So, yes, I believe
for the purpose of cardiography, the Earth must be represented as flat.
I am curious, with your recent mention of "cults" in our conversation, do
you believe in God?

But the earth is more-or-less a sphere. Just wait until the hankercheif comes, then you'll be sorry you didn't believe!

Who are you referring to? I know the Earth is a sphere, but other than a
globe, how many maps are not flat? Also, on a sphere, if you travel East
or West, there is no endpoint. So your question was impossible to answer
without thinking of the Earth flatly. Do you not believe in God then?

Naturally all human beings believe in a god. But NOT the God. Terrorist make you believe in that god. He's a egotist and thinks he can do everything. Only President Bush can do that. I instead believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I mean, it just makes so much more sense if the world was actually created by a piece of spaghetti!

Liverpool!hey hey hey.


See also: