Aarglefnark

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Aarglefnark is the alpha and the omega, the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent being made of green jelly and Tandoori Chicken drumsticks with a cup of ice cream for a head and two cherries for his all-seeing eyes.

He eats "Allah" (his second creation) for breakfast everyday, and a few of the Spaghetti monster's meatballs (his first creation) thrown in for flavour. At the end of the day, Allah is excreted from the all-powerful one's armpits in gaseous form, and spends the night reconstituting himself again into Aarglefnark's morning snack while the Spaghetti monster grows a new set of balls.

Yahweh was born one fine morning when Aarglefnark decided to break wind. Really loudly. Since Yahweh was a homosexual, Aarglefnark decided to give him some company by blowing his nose and creating Jesus, who went on to marry Yahweh in a private ceremony on Pluto. But they told humanity that Jesus was Yahweh's son, since homosexuality was taboo back in Adam's and Eve's time. Not to mention impossible.

Aarglefnark's creations, Yahweh and Allah, turned evil soon after humanity was created. It all started when a caveman called Yahweh gay. This pissed him off, since being called gay in public was insulting to him, being in the closet 'n all; and he sprouted horns and turned black, and then proceeded to piss on the earth. This came to be known as "The great flood". Aarglefnark saved his creations by warning his personal trainer in advance, Noah; but Yahweh was real pissed and tricked humanity into believing Aarglefnark was the devil. Allah sympathised with Yahweh and they both joined forces to corrupt humanity.

Since he was real sweet, being made of ice cream and jelly, Aarglefnark let them have their fun, but not to forsake his last creations altogether, he treated a few of them to his tasty, enlightening jelly, which caused them to vomit. These people became Aarglefnark's true worshippers, came to be known as Atheists, and are presently engaged in a crusade, fighting to spread the light of Aarglefnark among the ignorant masses.

Any contradictions in the above text are meant to be disregarded; it is the word of Aarglefnark!!!!111!!one11!!!11!!! Be obedient and believe everything without question, or He will smite thee with a storm of flaming meatballs!!!!111!!!!eleventy111!!11!!!

Besides, Aarglefnark's jelly is tha shyte. Yahweh, Jesus, and Allah have nothing to offer humanity. At least Aarglefnark fills your tummy.

This page is a work in progress But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later. Or maybe not. Should they choose the latter, within seven days, this page will not exist anymore. Now, go away! This page will be re-checked on 09:36, 20 December 2006