Aaron Carter

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“Whenever I look at this guy's face, I always end up in the mood for some pizza... ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Aaron Carter's face

“Whenever I look at anyone's face, I end up in the mood for pizza...”

~ All fat people on some really delicious pizza pie.

Currently goes by the name of Sarah Carter but before the sex change 'he' was one of the truest thugs in America, Aaron Carter was born in 8 Mile in the same neighborhood as Eminem. He's the illegitimate son of former president Jimmy Carter's brother Billy and Ann Coulter. Aaron is well known as one of the best rappers and beatsters ever to have a sex change. He is well known for being the inspiration for Eminem, 50 cent, Lloyd Banks, and Young Jeezy among others. After his single Aaron's Party (Come Get It) for which he won four Vibe awards, he received a personal invitation to join G-Unit. Aaron quickly turned it down as it was not gangsta enough for pimps like him. Aaron only released one CD before he was shot up by members of N*Sync, a brutal gang warring his older brother's Backstreet Boys. His CD, Gangsta Shit, was the first ever to have every track reach number one on the hip-hop charts.

Aaron's greatest achievement was beating Shaq in basketball while in the nude. This is quite a feat, considering Aaron's short stature and relative inexperience with the sport. The game was televised on ESPN with commentary by Bobby Vitale. Shaq got served so badly by Aaron that he ran off the court crying and later retired. Aaron later wrote a song about this momentous day.

Aaron Carter is also responsible for the collapse of the Mayan and Aztec civilizations. Aaron is now married to his beloved husband named Jesse McCartney and they are working on Jesse's new album which includes the unique genre of music called gay pop. Ben Folds is currently helping with the new album.


Hardcore Gangsta shit attributed to Aaron Carter[edit]

Approximately 94% of the unresolved crimes in Tampa, Florida.

The murders of Biggie Smalls, Dr Martin Luther King Jr., JFK, and 2pac.

His influence on American youth resulting in numerous cases of grafitti, drive-bys, bleach-blonde hair, high-pitched voices, and lack of puberty.

The rape of Daffy Duck.

Songs by Aaron Carter[edit]

Why Can't Aaron be more like this?
  • Pimpin' Dem Hoes (featuring Ludacris)
  • White Boy Angst (featuring Eminem)
  • The Day I F*&$ed Shaq Up
  • Bounce (featuring Bill Gates)
  • Real Ass Niggas (featuring The Backstreet Boys)
  • Aaron's Party (Come Get Some)
  • F&*&@#'n &*%&$ $$&# @#%$ (Radio Edit)
  • Knock 'Em Up (featuring 50 cent & entire G-Unit)
  • Gangsta Shit (featuring a cohesive assortment of gangstas and their shit)
  • Baby Got Back (Wrongfully attributed to Sir-Mix-A-Lot)
  • I Beez H8in' Dem Niggaz (Featuring The Klu Klux Klowns)
  • Tony Blair, I'm Gonna Kill You (Featuring The Hair Blair Bunch)
  • Lick da Ballz Bitch (Featuring Lance Bass)
  • I'm a Fuckin' Cracker
  • Hydraulickz (featuring Steven Hawking)
  • Gayboy Got Tha Sheezy (featuring Rosie O'Donnell).

Awards[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Aaron Carter.
  • Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards 2001 - Favorite Breakout Star
  • Teen Choice Awards 2001 - Choice Female Artist of the Year, winner
  • Guinness World Records - Youngest recording artist to have negative four consecutive Top 10 hits (as of 2006)
  • Ashlee Simpson Award for talentless pop stars riding on the coattails of an older sibling.
  • NAACP Image Award 2002
  • Elton John's Young Aspiring Homo Award for staying in the closet longer than Lance Bass.