Abandoned Orphan Story
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[edit] Chapter 1, "Sounds like a plan"
"Sounds Like A Plan" she said, it sounded to me like A Breath of Heaven. Aditya patel of the Advanced Placement Gaming League was lecturing me about Advanced Toenail Clipping and Airsoft guns. I was in love. She mentioned Alexz Johnson and his Alicante, "he has Alien Experiment Rabies my sweet, so let's call the Alliance Of The Fallen Turkey."
I grabbed my cell and dialed Alpha 01. "Amu...I mean, Amy Acker?" The man was silent. "I'd like to place An Open letter to Santa."
"What's the password?" He growled.
"Ancalagon." I calmly replied, then added that I was calling from Anglo Leasing and if his didn't want his face stuffed with Animal Crackers he'd help me out.
He did.
The next day, my bride and I were off to Anna University to find Dr. Anorthosis and eat some Apple strudel. Several of the doctor's associates were there, including Arsène Wenger, Arthur Goldsmith and Arthur scargill. We discussed Article history and the latest paper from Arun Harindwarimangalem Kodumodi Sivasubramaniam. Just pronouncing HIS name was a challenge.
I found out that Ashley Bloor had recently died, from acute Ass-troids. She was staying at Astor, reading about Astro empires and preparing for the Austin Heroin Festival. She fell (or was pushed) and severely injured her Azrians. Needless to say, we were all maudlin.
One of the professors mentioned Casketball and asked if I had heard of it. I asked if that involved Baby-snatching. "No...Bacterial vaginosis. Directed by Benicio del Toro and takes place in Bentley, Western Australia."
No, I hadn't seen it. Lunch was about over, and no one was willing to talk about the Bernstein Bears. The subject of Bhakta Thukaram and her Best game theory came up. She was dismissed as a Bi sexual by many, but I stood by her. "She's a Bible smoking Bionic Woman who lives in a Birch grove near the Birla Institute Of Technology And Sciences. She's all right by me!"
After lunch, my bride and I played the color game. How many things do you see with the color....black? Black Plaque, Black power, Blackberry Helmet (I was cheating with this one, but it was all fun!), Blackbird...it went on for a long time. All our troubles seemed far behind us.
Until we arrived at the Bloodbath at the House of Death. There it was, next to the Blue Electron, my pub of choice as a youth. Inside, the warm smell of Bluejays permeated the air. Blues clues was on, an odd choice until you thought about all the children, waiting for tickets to see Catahoula leotard dog and Bob the giraffe at the Boblet auditorium.
Suddenly - a noise! Boingboing!! From out of the Boltblue somebody set us up the Bomb (symbol). What a Bonaqualogy this had turned out to be. If only Boo The Cat or Dr. Bootsen were here. They'd know what to do. I was at a loss. My wife, now talking with a sailor from Borgen was being offered a Box of chocolate. I signalled that she should extricate herself from the Boxboy. This was just like the Bradford riots, only not as calm.
We pushed our way further inside. Being a master of Breast Disguises, my blushing bride fit in like a Bredbury in Breim. Me, I was a student of Briantology and used it to fully Brip the room. Here we were, deep in the Brooklands and the one person we hoped was elsewhere appeared before us.
"Brønnøysund," I said, hoping to avoid any Burnap situations, like the Burning Crusade. He was terse.
"Bush's Declaration to the UK," he said, "what do you think of it and what do you make of Bushian Logic?" This guy was inscrutable. Bruce was always full of Bushium, you could go as far as to call him a Bushix from Buurman or Buxemlurg. Enough said.
"This isn't a Buying the Cow syndrome, Bruce," I said, "more like a Byzantine Tony in a CZW." He knew the codes as well as I did. Better perhaps.
"I'm going to have to make a Caedmon's call to the Cambodian banana University and talk to Cameron 'The Body' Smith." Yeah, he'd have to do that, of course.
He strode off, dialing furiously. I grabbed Aditya and we left - we might get lucky and find a Can Soccer game to join. I wasn't prepared to stick around for the Canamerica War. We walked down the Canso Causeway at a Cantr. Horse joke - Captain Fishcake taught me that one. "Captain hate meatballs, love," she said. Time for lunch, I guess.
We found our old friend Carluke at the Carport hauling around a Cathode Ray Tube and going on about the Cause Of Hitler. He told us to be careful - "Caution Ninja my little Cave Bear. The Caw Clan is looking for you, and Ceiling Cat has been prowling around Celbridge."
Well, it took more than that to frighten me. "He couldn't find me if he looked through all the Celebrity Doghouses, Celebrity Misquotes and Celebrity Nipples in the world. Tell him I'll be in Center park, enjoying my Chaffage."
Carluke was impressed. "I'll tell Chairman LMao and his wife Chania all about that."
"Tell them all! Call up Charles bukowski, Charu Anchlia, Chase Roberston Lord Chateau-Thierry and the Chatkilla! Heck, tell all of Chavistan where I am! I will get to the bottom of this, regardless!" I have a thing for exclamation!
[edit] Chapter 2, "Cheeseball"
The next day, while enjoying my breakfast of Cheesy eggs and Chicken and chips, my bride Aditya pointed out that the Chemical nomenclature of the common Cheetahpult was the same as Chimaira Chowder, and that prolonged exposure led to Chest baring and even Chicken Nugget Disease. Mornings were quite exciting at our house. In the newspaper were the same old stories about Child Modelling and some Chinese farmer finding a Chocolate, Raspberry-Cream-filled, Jesus in his Chinese Toilet.
Suddenly Aditya yowlped. "Great ChooChoo Train of Pain! My friend Constantin Brancusi has come down with Christiamabafanity, and we have only a few hours to fulfil her Christmas wish list."
This was serious! "What do you want me to do? My Cinderella interpretation?"
"No, not one of the Classic 5, we'll have to take Claude and the Dark Side of the Force down to Club Heaven...no...Club Penguin - the one in Coachford, Cmi. My friend is a Coastie after all."
"I've always thought of her as a Coffee dinosaur, ever since she went to the College of Engineering, Trivandrum."
"Very funny. Like zero on the Comic scale. We have work to do, if we're going to help my friend. Do you have any Crazy Ideas About...?"
"
- Commie O's
- Communist conspiracy
- Company Mascots
- Complexity Theory
- Condom Fun
- Congo rats
- Contents
- Contortionist
- Cool beans
- Cosmic Apple
- Council of trent
- Crawley
- Crazy Coin
- Credit Card Model of Physics
- Crimson Sun Empire
| This page is a work in progress But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later. Or maybe not. Should they choose the latter, within seven days, this page will not exist anymore. Now, go away! This page will be re-checked on 01:37, 7 February 2007 |
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