Acceleration
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Acceleration is speed with spice.
Contents |
[edit] General
Acceleration is the changing amount of spice added or subtracted from speed over a period of time.
[edit] Famous Acceleration
Gravity is the most commonly observed example of acceleration. It is sometimes said to be everywhere you need to be, but that is actually a Visa card. Science states that no two things can be in the same spot at the same time, so gravity and your Visa card cannot both be there. Gravity is mostly in places where you don't need it such as when an anvil is dropped above your head.
[edit] Acceleration and Einstein
Adelbert Einstein's theories on acceleration indicate that when an object accelerates a whole bunch, it either:
- Gets bigger
- Gets smaller
- Or both
These ideas likely arose from Einstein's inability to see in 3D and his first encounter with a pack of buffalo. When the buffalo approached, he thought they were getting bigger, and when they backed off, he assumed they must be getting smaller. As they circled him, Einstein assumed that the embiggenning and debiggenning effects were interfering with one another, thus cancelling each other out. In a final act of great intelligence, Einstein ran away until he was sufficiently large and stomped the poor buffalo with his relatively large boot.
[edit] Anti-Acceleration
Some believe that the process of slowing down is simply acceleration in the opposite direction. Clearly slow and fast cannot be the same thing so these people really have no idea what they are talking about. Changing speed in the negative direction is better described as Deceleration. In fact, vernacular english language has already been using this term, and that is always much more accurate than science.
[edit] The Dark Side
Acceleration has been found to work against as well as in your favor. Examples of the dark side of acceleration include its ability to move objects such as deadlines closer at a rapidly increasing pace but make Christmas seem like a really long time away.
[edit] Time and Acceleration
Time accelerates differently than normal things. It doesn't affect the world around it as would a thrown snowball, or chandelier. Time's acceleration affects each person (or other living being) separately, giving each person a separate vision of time, and it's acceleration, as evidenced by God's weird way of going through time.
Now, as we all know, each person's body is moving through time at exactly one second per second, one minute per minute, and one hour per hour. The person's MIND moves through time at differing rates, that depend on how occupied it is with other things, or even how much fun it is having with the current situation. The acceleration of time for a human brain is changed with a certain unit of measurement for occupation, called a "lind". Each lind accelerates time for the mind by 15 "oner"s, the unit of measurement for time's acceleration. This makes the mind travel faster through time, usually ending the thing occupying the person's mind.
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