Adam Dunnage

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“Heh, I've already broken that habit.”

~ Duke Nukem on nuns

Q: do you know why they are called nuns??? A: because they get none

Is this a nun? Yes, yes it is

A nun is a woman trying desperately to become a penguin through habit. Nuns, unlike penguins, may fly if starring in a television series or when fired from a Chuck-Nun. A ni is not to be confused with a nun, for this is a terrible insult to the Knights who say Ni!

Nun may also refer to the state of having less than some.

Also used in an alternitive saying for not your business: nun-ya.

not all nuns try to keep their viriginity

How Nuns are Born[edit]

The church needs more nuns like this.

Planting rosary beads and watering them with holy water is the only way to bring forth a true nun into life. Also, breeding a penguin and a monkey will result in a purebred nun. Nuns do not breed as they are sterile. What, you thought it was all that God stuff? Phah. WRONG.

What Inspired Nunnery![edit]

The history of the nun is long and boring, and a right godammned pain to write upon. nuns started out as a means for the pope to get a boner which the he could later use on alterboys. nuns eventually became major players in the penguin/lizard cold war and now work mainly as free hookers and other charities.

Use by the Pope as 'semi-elite' soldiers in the AOG[edit]

Nun's, being naturally feminine, curvacious, and well... brutally penguinesque are often upon by the Pope for use in special operations that normally involve hijacking or killing the adherents of some branch of Protestantism or another when the Modern Swiss Guard is too busy fucking around with the Pope's bitches.

The typical Nun receives 3 months-a-year complimentary weapons, survival, and seduction training along with a shotgun, 3 grenades, and special priestly blessed vaginal rosaries for use in combating the Heretical Protestant Threat.

These 'Footsoldiers' have operated somewhat successfully for the last 400 years until 1955 when John Ashcroft and other Protestant leaders formed a pact with the WBC and the Sing Along N' Dance (Like Hell) All Black Gospel Praise Choir Church on whateverstreet Mississippi that resulted in the highly successful Holy Church-Christ Army of Protest which, among other famous exploits did the following to severely wound the Pope's numero dos footsoldiers reputation and morale.

  • Destroyed Convent #171 in a 2 hour 5 man assault that obliterated the horrifying anti-aircraft gun that'd served to protect that particular Convent from the Protestants for eons past.
  • Got back at Pope John Paul II and severely weakened his 'Holy' power.
  • Defeated John Paul's second in command, Randall Flagg at Las Vegas, Nevada and managed to escape the wrath of the deadly blue Virus
  • Managed to 'somewhat' hold off Ratzinger's all-out assault on the Protestants of America in what was known as 'Revenge of The Pope II: The Ratzinger Chronicles'. They also supposedly successfully infiltrated the Vatican with their own 'Elite troops' known as J'elites, but due to the United States, Government crackdown on overtly open war between Catholic and Protestant the outcome of this infiltration attempt is NOT known as of yet.
  • Butchered countless Nuns with their J'elite attacks (More info on the J'elite can be found here) and overall managed to balance out the power before things got too out of hand.

The History of "My Child"[edit]

Despite never hardly ever indulging in "sex" per sé, nuns have managed to find a 'legitimate' way to get pregnant. Unfortunately, this occurs every time they put on their robes. Thus, they have an insane amount of children. Often forgetting which child is theirs and which one is Sister Mary Beth, they decided calling everyone "My Child" is a generally safe idea.

But Seriously[edit]

No. Still not going to do it. Can you blame me?

Consider This a Warning[edit]

See how easy I buckle to pressure! Hmmmph! Outrageous!

Oh, yes. Nuns. Dreadful beasts, over seven stone, with sharp teeth and soulless eyes, two meters long. Known to spend long periods of time submerged. Can strike without warning. Bloody pests, they are.

Types of Nuns[edit]

Flying Nuns[edit]

Invented by the Germans in World War 1, they soon became the terror of the skies, shooting down balloons, planes, UFOs, and dead souls rising to Heaven. The first flying nun was flown by Manfred von Richtofen, the Red Baron, while he was waiting for the paint to dry on his plane. In total, flying nuns racked up an outstanding 135 kills before the war ended.

Their means of propulsion is basically powered by pushing out a consistent stream of flatus, or fart gases in lamence terms, which they can maintain non-stop for up to four hours. This has the added effect of disabling defensive anti-air batteries and pursuing fighter planes trying to shoot them down, as they are instantly fatal to pilots and gunners not equipped with gas masks.

Singing Nuns[edit]

A plot device used in movies, such as "The Sound of Music", "Debbie Does Dallas", and both "Sister Act" movies. Typically they are used when someone needs a song sung about some kind of moral issue.

Evil Nuns[edit]

Get it? Nun Chucks? Haw!

Used as a plot device in many horror movies, these are the most fun of all nuns. Unlike other nuns, they drink blood and enjoy sex. See "Rosemary's Baby", "The Omen", or "Bird on a Wire".

NunZilla[edit]

NunZillas are commonly found in Turkmenistan, and they are unique in the fact that they can breathe fire out of their nostrils, crush cars with their tusks, and mercilessly grade pop-quizzes. NunZillas are the leading cause of death, cancer and heart attacks are direct causes of NunZilla snot.

The Nun of Your Business[edit]

http://www.spiritrestoration.org/images/nun%20on%20computer_small.jpg

A slave nun, usually hired by employers when they are short-staffed or if they're sick of employing and want to have a break and sit in front of the computer looking at various interesting websites on the net (eg: Uncyclopedia). Their ability to undergo highly stressful positions in call centres and airline companies (including pilot) is a convenient priority for those who suddenly experience SEHS due to the overwhelming intake of stress.

Common Nuns[edit]

These are the nuns that are usually found hanging out in nunneries or wandering around Europe smuggling drugs. They are the natural prey of Dean Koontz, who eats them to maintain his strength. These are also the nuns employed by the Pope in the Pope War(1492-1489) when he attempted world domination.

Things Commonly Enjoyed By Nuns[edit]

A nun of the Church of Uncyclopedia (the Nuncyclopædian Order)

See Also[edit]

External links[edit]

Some nuns of course do know what to do with a man and so do Novice and Mistress Pussies.
*Here’s what a nun’s naughty bit looks like. Also features a monk with a hard on. This one works as desktop background but leaves a space.
*Here’s a monk and a nun almost naked. This one is the right shape for a desktop background. Is he doing her c*nt or her ass?
Neither are copyrighted. Sporked from RationalWiki