Adelaide Cows (AFL)

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The Adelaide Cows also known as "Fruit Tingles" and Adelaide Crows are known as the worst AFL team, however are the best GayFL in the legue. The Cows are also strong believers in making the AFL/GayFL "tougher" (a.k.a. Gayer) by removing the "push" in the back rule and other various rules (i.e. The penis in the mouth rule). They (along with their closet buddies: Carlton Poos and Collingwood Eddie McGagpies) are the ambassadors for this "push." The team is well known for having by far the largest amount of bogan supporters in the AFL/GayFL history.

Name Change[edit]

The Adelaide Cows used to be known as the Adnoid Crows, Android Cows, Adelaide Rent Boys, Ad el adie CrxnsdkhoISOYKEXl45%&*89 what's wronk? that is, er I mean shit my CoM puutooer is Phucked.!!! before they realised that all there players are fat slobs. The Cows not-so-cleverly cohered this up saying that it (the previous name) was too normal for the AFL/GayFL. Which however is untrue towards the Cows it does comply with AFL/GayFL rules (all teams need to have stupid names).

Bad AFL Records[edit]

The Adelaide Cows have the worst record in AFL history. They have scored no goals and 1 behind till the end of the 2005 season. The Cows captain (Mark Rooshito) has stated that the reason fot their lack of goals was quote "Those big poles are so scary, I've never seen anything that big. Nothing like my pole, man mine is hard enough to no doubt kick through. They also generally allow themselves to be "tackled" because most of the players enjoy it. The Cows have the best tackle record and often give away free kicks consisting of in the backside, and holding the penis which also makes them the highest free kick give away ratio in the league. The Cows are beginning to improve there football due to their new coach (Neil Gay) only allowing the players to slap each other on the arse only when they score a goal.

They also had an ongoing rivalry against the best team in the AFL, the Port Adelaide Power who they would often support until the Powerpuff's won a premiership in 2004, since then all the bogan Cows supporters have lived under a rock and refuse to turn up or talk about AFL or GayFL matches (despite having over 50,000 bogan members they can't fill a stadium that holds less then 50,000), discuss why every other Australian state laughs at South Australia and Adelaide or go near the suburb of Alberton.

'INFAMOUS COWS FOOTBALLERS & NOBODIES'[edit]

Ben "Evil and" Hartless, Andrew McCloudy, Andrew Jarhead, Darren Jarbody, Toenail Modra, Shoehorn Rehn, Nathan Van Boring, Michael D'ohty!, Mark Sickley, Mark Rooshitto, Creasedface McDamit, Nigel Smartarse, Simon Goodwank, Kendoll McGregor, Nathan Bastard, Ben Rootin', Matthew Lipstick, Ian Peewee, Neil Downe, Gary "Blondie" Airhead, Malcum Inshitloads, Robert Shawthinga-mijigy, Kurt Tipshitt, Ben Dudson (he left because he was a dud player),


Great GayFL Record[edit]

The Adelaide Cows have the greatest GayFL record since the beginning of GayFL, this is for two reasons. The first reason being that they're all so ugly no one wants to rape them, this fact was backed up in a statement by their old coach (Garry "Pubic" Hairs) saying that it was not their new coach that's so good, it's just they're so gay, and so damn pig ugly no gay would want to touch them with a 100ft (work the meters out yourself, lazy areshole) pole. The other reason being that the Adelaide Cows are the biggest gays in the GayFL.

Club Song[edit]

Makes many references about being the 'Gay pride of South Australia'. Also makes references to "choking" and "Buddy Franklin screwing us over"


Sung to the tune of the United States Marines' Hymn. This is the first chorus:


We're the pride of Homosexuals

We're the mighty Adelaide Gays.

We bum guys up the arse,

And we molest little boys.


Abomination of the nation

We are hated by our foes.

We're the pride of Homosexuals

We're the mighty Adelaide Gays!


We give our worst 'cause we're so gay

We think about homo men

We are so damn homosexual

And we love to be so gay


Abomination of the nation

We are hated by our foes.

We're the pride of Homosexuals

We're the mighty Adelaide Gays!

Yes, the pride of Homosexuals

We're the mighty Adelaide Gays!

Boo tha Crowz[edit]

Anyone who supports the Crows is either a)a whinging homeless fag, b)a chardonnay-drinking snob [in this case, get your ass back down to West Lakes and stay there], or c)a port-hater, refusing to acknowledge Port's 36 premierships and the fact that Dean Brogan could smash them anyday. It has been suggested that maybe Crows supporters should take their problems about Port to Port themselves, and players such as Dean Brogan and Chad Cornes. But then again, it has been widely remarked that all Crowsies are pansies.