Adopted people

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Adopted people are classified as those who are not loved by anyone or anything in the world. In essence, they are not real. If you are friends with an adopted person, do not stop being friends with them, simply do not treat them with normal human respect. However, they should not be confused with retarded people because they are normally able to produce normal thought functions. I am going to stop there because its not cool to make fun of retarded people. Retarded people have something mentally wrong with them, thus concluding that their situation was not their fault!

White Adoptees[edit]

In an utterly non-racist, extremely boring way, white adoptees are the most boring and normal of all adoptees. This, in fact, reflects the nature of the White race. Those who are white and adopted rarely adopted black, brown, or yellow kids. white "adoptible" kids are simmilair to bums in that they have no special talents and often lay low to avoid being noticed. Fuck Kristen Chenoweth.

Black Adoptees[edit]

As it is known about all black people, they are able to do quite odd things. Other than their perplexing liking of shitty music, black people can perform what is known to those of extremely high education as voodoo. We call these voodoooers "Oogaboogas".

History of a Name:

The term "Oogabooga" originates from the time of the slaves, a simpler time, a better time. According to Norwegian folklore, Oogaboogas, while on slave ships, would escape from the chains that bound them and delve deep into the ships cargo and wait, biding their time. When an innocent and unsuspecting slave driver would come to check the cargo (a.k.a slaves), the nasty Oogabooga would spring out and them and yell "oogaboogabooga".


A Black Woman Performing Voodoo Thinks a Bird Has Shit on Her Head

Voodoo comes in various types. Some examples viewed by myself and others can be explained only as "ice-cream spinning" "looking like a dinosaur" and "the inability to swim". On the contrary, if a black person is adopted at birth by a white family, they lose all powers. You see, white people have an ability, also known as being incredibly lame, to take away the powers of black people. This is often referred to by Blacks as, "being held down by da man".

Asian Adoptees[edit]

An asian after stealing a soul.

Asians are the worst of all adoptees (for reference we will call them Children of the Mist). This is plainly and simply due to the fact that asians do not have souls. South Park had it half right, stating that "Japanese people don't have souls," however they neglected to see that this complete soulessness encompasses the entire asian community. In other words, if you know an asian, don't talk about religion or god and definitely don't let them near your cat or dog. To continue, when an asian person is adopted, their soulessness and the lack of love around them brings them to the epitome of despair. This then gives them the ability to take others souls. These souls are stricken from various people who mistakenly make eye contact. This can be difficult to avoid on account of the general difficult of knowing when an asian is looking at you, as they most likely appear to be squinting. When an asian makes a successful soul steal, a '+1' is displayed above their head and the soul is then transferred to their soul satchel. If you view this sudden apparition of text, it can then be assumed that you or someone around you no longer has a soul. According to the professionals:

Cquote1.png The females are often confused with the common succubus, and likewise the males can be mistaken for incubi. However, they are distinguished by their misplaced (or nonfunctional) genitalia, as well as a strong tendency towards autoerotica. Also, the "children of the mist" can be positively identified by their negative-colored reflections, unsightly arm wrinkles and flab, as well as the appearance of "blue-eye" in photographs of them. Thirdly, photographs of them will come to life a la Harry Potter. Cquote2.png

—Dr. A.Flynn of the Institute of Inhuman Asians

What To Do If You Encounter a Child o' The Mist[edit]

1) Attempt to execute the "secret handshake". if they dont begin to liquefy, proceed to phase 2

2) Cover your eyes with sand to keep from crying out your soul. if you feel the crushing weight of emptiness weighing down upon you, proceed to phase 3

3) Get eaten by a grue.

4) ???

5) Profit!!!