Adriana Lima
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 This chick is too Damn Sexy!If you saw this chick it's possible that you might fall to the ground and worship him/her, or spontaneously combust from a sex drive overload. |
“She caught me peeping at her once. The damned woman turned me into a freakin' deer. A DEER.”
~ Nerd on Adriana Lima
Adriana Lima was born on June 12, 1981 on the Brazilian coast, and with her birth, God finally retired from his frequent efforts on perfecting the human race. He had finally achieved the Alpha and the Omega, the be-all and end-all of humanity, and He decided that with this perfection, the rest of the monkeys could just die off now.
How perfect is she? she is automatically in the goddess category, but she's also got something else going for her. She's a virgin. Yup, you read that right, ass. She's a VIRGIN. She hasn't been plowed like a new field EVER. In her ENTIRE life. She is freakin' Artemis and Athena, man you are never getting into bed with her, and she is never getting into bed with anyone because SHE IS PERFECT. She has no need for your mortal manhoods. None of you are worthy! You may worship at her altar, but you ain't touchin' that!
If the prophecy is indeed true, only one man who gains the favor of Almighty God will be honored by being the one to marry Adriana Lima. Men who have tried but found to be unworthy have been Lenny Kravitz, Derek Jeter, and some royal ponce from a European country the size of a postage stamp. Although still not yet revealed, some believe the "Chosen One" to marry Adriana Lima will likely be a US Army Ranger, US Navy SEAL, US Marine or an incredible hot and handsome latin guy yet to be discovered. It has been said that the one who captures or kills Osama bin Ladin will be the one worthy of marrying Adriana Lima, as he has passed God's test of manliness, strength, courage, and commitment.
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[edit] Early Life
Born perfect and beautiful, her insignificant town was destroyed within the blaze of glory that was her coming into the world. Her perfection was such that her father had no choice but to flee, for fear of attempting to touch his infant daughter and being obliterated in a fit of goddess pique.
[edit] Modeling Career
Discovered at a young age, her worshipers began to gather around her before she could quite learn how to speak. Almost before she knew it, she was being raised onto a pedestal of win and awesome, where she has remained ever since. Her beauty is matched by her intelligence. The goddess speaks Portuguese, Spanish and English. That means she can speak to over a billion of her worshipers with great ease. She occasionally graces the unworthy with a peck on the cheek, such as grimy creatures like Lenny Kravitz, but for the most part, she's out of your reach, bud. Just accept that all you can do is touch yourself thinking of her. That's the closet you'll ever get to her.
[edit] Trivia
- Adriana Lima is a goddess... Strangely enough of toe warts.
- She came to be after being shit out of a gold dragon who had just eaten a bowl of pure ectasy
- There are lesser goddesses who work with Adriana Lima, but who cares about them? All you need is Adriana!
- She has a penis somewhere. Find it and win a small prize!
- Stop masturbating, you are not worthy.
- Amen
- She got married. You all have permission to cry.
