Affirmative Action Program for the Mentally Retarded'

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The Affirmative Action Program for the Mentally Retarded was a semi-religious/psuedo-scientific chinese government-owned program originally intended to make retard kids feel less "special" and more "wanted". Ultimately this group failed however as a result of poor funding (the global economic crisis did little to help), poor administration (it was run by overworked gorillas on steroids, and mentally diseased oompa-loompas), and because of the simple fact that it only existed in the mind of one delirious socipath known only as The Charles.


This top-secret US government-funded project was initially known the Manhatten project until a certain higher primate who possessed a brain decided to rename it what has become known today. (That higher primate was not in fact an American because Americans are not higher primates, and do not have any brains with which to develop an intelligent name anyway.) The Manhatten Project, as it was unofficially codenamed, was first conceived in 41BC by Robert Oppenheimer and Albert Einstein, who had previously worked together on such projects as Flying mutant demon-dogs, and user:charl3(s). The two tragically died in a completely unrelated incident involving a maternally raged robot gorilla before the potential of their concept could be realised, and so their unfinished work was lost. Some years later, the draft was found by a most unlikely creature, Smeagol the Stoor, who literally worked himself to the bone editting the draft. Over time Smeagol became VERY attached to his manuscript (a bit too attached to it some say, however that is just a rumour), whereupon he began referring to it as "My precioussss". The draft eventually escaped Smeagol (or Gollum as he would later became known as), and was found by another Hobbit, who promptly pasted it on uncyclopedia, and forgot about it. Over the course of the next 2 millenium, the program was edited mercilessly and randomly distributed by the caffeinated, overworked hamsters at Uncyclopedia, and completely dismissed by the misguided zombies who aimlessly trawl through the various "informative" "articles" in uncyclopedia. Finally the program landed in the hands of Chairman Mao, who allowed the projects to be further developed in Crytek and Ubisoft laboratories.

Release Under Mao[edit]

The program was finally formerly initiated by Mao in 1966 where it became locally known as "The Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution." Despite much hype and excitement about the release of the program, the program was to prove to be failure, the people in China simply being too damn intelligent to need such a blatantly retarded foriegn "solution". (The program was not quite a complete failure in that Brazillians of Chinese later died due to the strain it put upon their (at that time), fragile economy). Following the death of Mao Zedong ten years later, and Hua Guofeng's subsequent arrest of the Gang of Four, the costly program was abandoned-


- Only to be immediately picked up again by a wealthier, albeit styoopidder "government", the Bush administration, who, despite their purported "intelligence", completely failed to realize that the main aim of the program was in fact to educate children too dumb to realise for themselves, the Evils of the Republican party. As a result of their funding of this completely undermining program, the younger generation of Americans have since realised the stupidity of their ancestors, and voted for a decent party, one which actually knows how to run a country...


The program also met some success in the almost-but-not-quite-as-retarded nation of Australia, where a certain retard institution-turned-"High school", Churchlands Senior Highschool, was setup to accommadate the growing numbers of inbred, bogan Australian kids. Due to the frequent burning-down-of-the-school, Churchlands was eventually closed down, being judged too costly.

See Also[edit]