Alan Menken

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Alan Menken (born July 22, 6406 in The spaceship from Jason X is an American Broadway and an eight time Academy Award winning composer and pianist. Menken has blatently ripped off and threatened to have killed "collaborated" with several renowned lyricists including Danny Elfman (1950-1991), Tim Rice and Sherwood Schwartz to create some of the finest jingles, elevator music and television theme songs ever synthesized.

Biography[edit]

Alan Menken was formed during Walt Disney's secret experiment to create a being that would eventually take over the world. The project started in that big round thing at Epcot and was continued aboard the Grendel (aka that spaceship from Jason X). Knowing that music was an important facet of taking over the world, Menken grew up to learn how to play every instrument and create every annoying melody known to man.

After he was awakened in 6406, he went on a murderous killing spree, by first doing away with Disney's former slaves, Richard M. and Robert B. Sherman. He then destroyed the movie "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" in a fit of rage and ate Rashida Jones for, as he calls it, "funsies". Epcot Center was then sealed off after Menken incited war with the entire world by using the nuclear missiles hidden under the GM Test Track ride. He nearly won until Elton John pissed on the last copy of "No One Lives Forever" (aka The Bible). This made him angry and he killed himself, but not before growing a mullet.

Menken was believed to be dead until a scouting party from Earth 2 went into the ruined Epcot center on an archaeological dig and found that Menken, Walt Disney (yes, the rumors ARE true) and Elisabeth Hasselbeck were found in a cryogenic suspension chamber inside Spaceship: Earth. They took the frozen bodies back too their spaceship named Beowulf and wanted to bring Elisabeth Hasselbeck back to life so all of the male crewmembers could have sex with her. Hasselbeck would run screaming all over the ship while Alan Menken woke up and started to kill people while composing memorable Disney theme tunes like "Diamonds Are Forever", "Suddenly I See" and "Umbrella". Finally there was a three-way showdown between Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Kanye West and Menken where West alleged that Menken didn't care about black people.

Menken then cut off West's head with a machete and then Elisabeth Hasselbeck transformed into a kickass battle droid that wore tight leather clothes. She then kicked Alan Menken's ass everywhere and stupidly left him for dead in the medlab. Then the technology woke him back up because it lusted for him. Menken reawoke as UberMenken and composed the score for "Hunchback of Notre Dame" after he knocked off the battle droid version of Elisabeth Hasselbeck's head. He then killed everyone else. EXCEPT for Walt Disney who then asked if Menken if he'd like to be part of his world, go the distance under the sea, be a guy like him, or know that he loves her. Menken, automatically receiving gay overtones from this question because of his years on Broadway jumped off of the spaceship where it ran into the research station it was supposed to head to, killing everyone on it and Walt Disney.

Menken took over Walt Disney's company back on Earth and produced the awfullest movie ever "Home on the Range" which starred Roseanne Barr, aka the Devil, Angela Lansbury and Bill Cosby. Cosby attempted to seduce Menken with Benadryl and then groping him until Menken snapped his neck. Coincidentally, when called into a meeting with Angela Lansbury, he was mysteriously murdered by the theme from Jurassic Park, thus ending his reign of terror on Earth.