Alexander Ovechkin
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Alexander the Great puck hog of destruction who likes celebrating and scoring 50+ goals Ovechkin is a robot created by the Soviet Government in 1985 with the purpose to dominate the game of hockey. He is known to 13 year old fanboys as "The God of the NHL," despite only being in the league for 4 years and not achieving anything other than scoring 50-goal seasons... and 50-goal seasons have only been accomplished a few hundred times before. He has however scored 60 in a season, a feat only accomplished by a few dozen others.
[edit] Skate Fail
Despite being programmed to be 101% perfect at hockey, Ovechkin's has an inability to stand on his skates. He is usually seen intentionally falling down after he scores to make the goal appear more dramatic. As a result of scoring, the red light causes his circuits to malfunction and often leads him to spasm and prance around like a retard on crack. Ovechkin's actions are dismissed by uptight hockey enthusiasts (Don "I used to coach the Botson Bruins. Remember? Like, 30 years ago? Anyone?" Cherry) who claim his actions are excessive. His 13-year old fanboys are quick to defend him stating "He's just celebrating!" or "He loves to score goals"... after all, it is a known fact that no other player in the league likes scoring goals except for Ovechkin, everyone else actualy despises the scoring aspect of the game.
Stated on page 908 of the NHL handbook: "He who can score 65 goals a season becomes God"... which means there have been several God's playing hockey, but no one cares about those players even if they have greatly surpassed Ovechkin's minor achievements. Only those who can score 65 goals or more in a season have the rights to criticize those who go crazy after scoring." Which leads to his criticism since he failed to attain the 65 goal mark this season.
[edit] Late hitting
Ovechkin is often seen late-hitting. Once an opposing player has given up possession of the puck Ovechkin is programmed to continue hitting that player (even though the play has been moved elsewhere) in a vain attempt to look tough (When any respectable player would have followed the puck). Nonetheless, his army of fanboys will be quick to argue that every hit he makes is clean, and then they will proceed to jerk off to Ovy photos. It is also believed that he hits late as a ploy to slow himself down due to his inability to stop on his own. On the upside it can be said that he "follows through" on his hits (Even if they're from behind... Just ask Daniel Briere). This is considered by the NHL community at large to be a better alternative than completely backing off like a pansy, no matter how late the hit is.
