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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Jeopardy.

Jeopardy (not to be confused with Geo Par: T) is a popular international television program. The show originated in the United States, and hasn't been cancelled yet, despite the fact that the first episode was in 1964 and it isn't a British soap opera.

The plot revolves around the Jeopardy Team, a top-secret government group dedicated to keep America safe from harm. Particularly notable is its revolving cast; rarely does a character show up more than a few times before he retires, is killed, or somehow else goes off in not-on-this-show-anymore land. I mean, you thought Law & Order had a revolving cast? This is a revolving cast!

“Who is Alicia Keys?

~ common response on Jeopardy
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jeopardy.


Alex Trebek got the Jeopardy job by posing topless.

The concept of Jeopardy was thought up by Merv Griffin, who sought to make a lighthearted spy series set in a fantasy 1960s Britain. When he found out this had already been done by the British, Griffin changed the setting to the United States instead and decided to make the series more realistic with the blood and the gore and the sweet flipping ninja kicks. The show was originally to be called "Our Nation Spies", but Griffin decided to change the name to "Jeopardy" instead when his boss told him that was what his job would be in if he didn't shape up and come up with a name that didn't suck so much.

The series originally starred Art Fleming as superspy Robert Batman, with Don Pardo playing his mysterious and constantly shadow-cloaked boss, "Sir". The first episode was shown on March 30, 1964 on NBC, and additional episodes were made until January 3, 1975, when it was cancelled to make room for some show based on Saturday Night Live or something. Fleming, who by this time had begun to believe he really was Robert Batman, attempted to keep the show going, but only managed to secure a couple of seasons in in 1974 to 1975 and 1978 to 1979 (In the latter season, Pardo, after realizing that Fleming was being totally stupid and wishing to have nothing more to do with the show, left for greener pastures, and his role went to John Harlan, whoever that is.).

In 1984, Alex Trebek expressed interest in reviving the show, but with brand new characters. Because he was awesome and whatnot, this dream was fulfilled, and, on The current version, with Trebek as host and Johnny Gilbert as the announcer, debuted on September 10, 1984, viewers tuned in to watch Raymond Quienton-Smitt Trebek and his boss, "Second", (played by Trebek and Johnny Gilbert, respectively) outwit terrorists and ensure that the U.S. was left un-bomb-dropped-on-it.


The Fleming Years[edit]

The plot of the series during "The Fleming Years" has been shrouded in mystery since Marlon Brando accidentally-on-purpose drenched all copies of the TV show in gasoline and lit them on fire. He later explained his actions by stating that the show was so god-damned awful, and that he should have done this sooner. The memories of the horrible, horrible show later forced Brando to curl up in the fetal position and mutter "The horror. The horror." a whole bunch.

The Trebek Years[edit]

Those Screens think they're sneaking up on Trebek, but they're about to fall victim to Trebek's awesome spy-ninja powers.

The Trebek Years, on the other hand, started off with a BANG, with Trebek fighting for his life and the lives of all good U.S. citizens against the evil Blue Screens, a cult of terrorist television sets that showed mostly blue screens and would become a reoccurring foe in later years. Though this plot was finished in the same episode it began, later storylines forced viewers to turn in every week or so, lest they have no idea what was going on.

Notable Storylines[edit]

The 1988-1989 storyline "Tora! Tora! Airplane Tale" had Trebek travelling to Mexico, Brazil, Spain, and France in order to track down the infamous terrorist "Not the Panther". Shockingly, when Not the Panther was corner, Trebek found out that the villain was, in fact, the Panther. At least eight viewers were hospitalized from internal injury caused by the shock.

In 1990, a short lived spinoff called "Super Jeopardy!" premiered, and some guy won a shitload of money for knowing random crap.

The 1991 storyline "Macbeth Reference" saw Trebek get cloned. But this was no clone, oh no. This was an evil clone! However, in the end, Trebek's awesomeness was too much for the faux Trebek to handle, and he exploded in tons of pretty colors. "There can be only one." Trebek stated, looking down at the remains of his double's skeletal system. That might have been the moral of the story or something, but don't quote me on that.

What is the Southern Cross? Incidentally, this guy really isn't that 1337 at all.

The 1999 storyline "The Southern Cross" saw Trebek enlisting the help of a group of hacker Beatles-wannabes in order to answer the question that was on everyone's mind: What is the Matri^H^H^H^H^HSouthern Cross? In the last episode of the storyline, The Reoccurring Mysterious Person revealed that the real world didn't exist, but was actually a complex computer programmer. The hacker Beatles-wannabes chose to "jack out" of the computer world, but Trebek decided not to take the same action, explaining "someone has to fight the forces of not-awesome". It later turned out that The Reoccurring Mysterious Person had, in fact, been lying, and the hack Beatles-wannabes had actually jacked themselves into the fake computer world.

Kevin Jonas is Jeopardy's biggest winner ever. And we mean that in terms of mass.

The 2000-2001 storyline "Go! Go! For Everlasting Song" had Trebek going undercover as a member of They Might Be Giants in order to find out exactly who had stolen the cookies from the cookie jar. Trebek proceeded to rock out.

The 2004-2005 storyline "Murder in the Duck Shop" introduced the evil Ken Jennings-robot, who was actually able to beat up Trebek with his bare fists. No, I mean Trebek's bare fists. I mean, jeez. Trebek won in the end, though.

The May 25, 2005 episode "This Must Be Belgian", is a notable exception to the "multi-episode storyline" rule. A delightful episode, there was a lot of singing. And dancing. And damn, but the writers really must have been on drugs or something, but still, that was one awesome episode. It's so awesome, the title card was sold for, like, a million bajillion dollars. Really.

Cyborg Accusations and Personal Life[edit]

People say that he is a super cyborg created by the Japs during WW2. He was forced to watch American programming for three months so he would blend in unnoticed. Unfortunately The Game Show network was all they had so he watched three months worth of Password and The Price is Right. Gifted with this knowledge he flew of to America to do the only thing he now how start a Game Show.

Others say that he is a being from the 5th Dimension summoned up by a cult named The Shriners; they did not now what they were getting in to. They had summoned a beast that had powers far stronger then even the highest Super Saiyan. Then beast was hungry for knowledge so he started a game show to lure America's smartest so he can suck the knowledge right out of them. It is said that the only way to seal him back in the 5th Dimension is to get him to say his name backwards.

All accusations of Trebek's cyborg heritage have recently been quelled due to the discovery of his two genderless illegitimate leprechaun children. Both of these children, Fairchild and Vasco, were birthed by the self-proclaimed Queen of the Leprechauns, Keanu Reeves . Trebek and Reeves announced their relationship in 2005 after 46 years of silence on the matter. Trebek spoke of Reeves saying, "It just makes me so happy. It is just so great with the kids." Of course Reeves, like the children, has been discovered to be genderless.

Celebrity Jeopardy[edit]

Sean Connery with his Rival Alex Trebek on Celebrity Jeopardy.

Alex Trebek tried to get more audience members in 1996, so he launched "Celebrity Jeopardy". The show had Burt Reynolds (Who changed his name to Turd Furgeson), Minnie Driver, John Travolta, and (sigh) Sean Connery, who stole the show. But since the celebrities were as dumb as rocks, he cancelled the show after 14 episodes.

Celebrities on Jeopardy![edit]

Sean Connery, Burt Reynolds, Jerry Lewis, Phil Donahue, Marlon Brando, John Travolta, Michael Keaton, Minnie Driver, Jeff Goldblum, Tom Cruise, Adam Sandler, Adam West, Nicholas Cage, Calista Flockhart, French Stewart, Keanu Reeves, Hilary Swank, Robin Williams, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Ozzy Osbourne, Martha Stewart, Chris Tucker, Anne Heche, Dave Matthews, Bjork, Bill Cosby, Sharon Osbourne, Kathy-Lee Gifford, and Tom Hanks

Game of Jeopardy[edit]

Let's get today's game started!

Wilde Quotes In the News Potent Potables New Street Drugs An Album Cover Overly British Articles Things Trebek Sucks In Soviet Russia...
$200 $200 $200 $200 $200 $200 $Twentington $Threeve
$400 $400 $400 $400 $400 $400 $0.01 $800.50
$600 $600 $600 $600 $600 $600 $AAAAAAAAA $901.43
$800 $800 $800 $800 $800 $800 $799.95 $TEXAS
$1000 $1000 $1000 $1000 $1000 $1000 $Over 9000 $Your Mom

Final Jeopardy[edit]

Bodies of Water
This body of water gave Salt Lake City its name.