Alexander Downer

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“I was only thirteen and I trusted him!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Alexander Downer

[edit] Early life

Alexander Downer was born in the trenches during the Boer War. Vowing to die for the Queen, he fought his way to the front line with nothing more than a khaki nappy, a pith helmet, and a modified bayonet to protect him, before being felled by a near-fatal bullet to the ego.

Fortunately, some kindly natives carried him to safety and, using a pistol carefully concealed in his nappy, he shot the lot of them before they were able to eat him or subject him to their beastly heathen customs.

Arriving on the shores of Old Blighty, young Alex was taken in by the principal of a simply wizard Boy's Boarding School called St Fazzos on the Hill. It was here that Young Alex learnt the rudiments of Liberals politics - bullying, bragging, caviar, fagging, sycophancy, and spanking the monkey.

[edit] Political Life

After avoiding World Wars I and II owing to an ingrown toenail, the youthful Alexander brought great shame on his adoptive father when his fetish for frilly womens' underpants and fishnet stockings were revealed. Hastily, he was put out to pasture in Australia, a land of promise where there is a long tradition of the upper class disposing of their chinless wonders. It is here that joined the Liberal Party, briefly rising to its summit before settling his wealthy bottom into the comfy seat of Foreign Minister, despite initially believing Papua New Guinea is a form of foot fungus and causing a diplomatic storm after referring to Kofi Annan as `that darkie'.

[edit] See also

• John Howard
• Liberal Party (Liberals)