Alexander the Great
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“He could slice my Gordian Knot with a bold stroke any day”
~ Noel Coward on Alexander the Great
“Alexander the Great!!! His name struck fear in the hearts of men!”
~ Bruce Dickenson on Alexander the Great
“Alexander the Great is Great”
~ Captan Obvious on Alexander the Great
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When discussing Alexander the Great, we must necessarily ask ourselves, was he really that Great? The answer, of course, is no, not really. Sure, he sacked Persia, conquered Egypt, and almost ruled all the way to India, but nowadays who hasn't? He chickened out at the prospect of getting buried under elephant shit if he moved further into India, and gave the reason for retreat as homesickness and copper poisoning, a brilliant PR manoeuvre. Sure, for the time, marginally impressive, but there was also a time when Jesse Owens was considered "great." Look at the track records nowadays. He'd get smoked. Times change, and so sobriquets must change with them. Recent scholarship in the field of Sobriquetics has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Alexander was not in fact, so great. Millions of textbooks around the world must be changed. Are you up to the task?
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[edit] So How Great Was He Really?
Not very. He was just sort of OK. Most of the time, pretty average. Sure, he did some great things, who hasn't, but overall, just decent. 6 or 7 out of 10, tops. See, I bet he's never bowled over 200 before. My friends and I do it all the time, while wasted. I wouldn't call us "Great" though, that's pretty arrogant. Pretty good. Talented. Not Great though.
Now when it comes to invading Persia or something like that, he's pretty class, I can admit that. But when it comes to juggling? Amateur at best. He wasn't very well-rounded. Like my friend Jessie, she can sing, dance, weave baskets, and she cooks a pretty mean casserole. I've not yet found anything pointing to old Alex's culinary prowess. Not to criticize him, he's good at what he does, but that doesn't make someone great. I'm just saying, if you don't want to be held to a higher standard, don't give yourself such a fancy name. It's perfectly reasonable.
[edit] Things Alexander Sucked At
Let's be honest here, Alexander sucked at a few things and he wanted to try hard at it, which was, obviously, dick. He also sucked at not invading countries. Never saw a country he didn't want to pillage and ransack! Seriously, show some restraint! Maybe if he weren't so busy savaging nubile young Hoplites with his whip, he could have spent more time working on his painting technique. The thing is though, we'll never know. That's what being too single-minded does to you.
Also, I bet he wasn't very good at being a good listener. Guys like that just never are, you know? Always acting real tough and manly, never showing their softer, more feminine side. I bet old Alexander never gave a thought to what it was like to be a woman. He probably had no empathy. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on. I don't think Alexander could've provided that. But maybe I'm wrong, you just never know with some guys...
[edit] Things He Was Marginally Good At
Alexander sucked at most things. For example he sucks at taking care of his troops. Also he sucked Dick throughout his life. He also sucks at covering up his gayness. throughout his life he fantasised sucking other mens dick and also doing anal.Overall Alexander sucks DICK. He isn't marginally good at anything
[edit] Things He Was Great At
Invading places. Getting Malaria and Banging two princesses. That's pretty much it. He was a very one-dimensional character.
Oh, and I know for a fact he was a very good decorator, believe it or not. Now this may seem strange, what with being out on the field of battle all the time, but old Alex managed to keep a pretty spiffy tent with him all the time, all red and gold with embroideries and sequins, beautiful lace designs and the softest of silk sheets. Now I know what you're thinking: a woman is behind this! Nope. Alexander did it all by himself, sometimes with a little help from his friends, no women involved. Not one. NO WOMEN for him. He did a lot of other great stuff though. War, Invasion, Guys, Your dad. He's something else, ain't he? I admit, he's pretty good, but I'm still not sure he's "Great."
[edit] On the Designation "Great"
It's not even really that he was such a bad guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he was great to chill with every now and then, a real man's man, from what I've gathered of his past, always ready to fight; a real tough-guy, it seems. But there's a point where you've just got to be honest with yourself: not everyone can grow up to be an astronaut or the President of the United States. Not everyone can be great, and that's OK! If everyone were great, none would be great, you know? The important lesson is, you just have to be happy with who you are, and when you look at it that way, everybody's great!
But not really.
[edit] See also
Freaks and Greeks
| Greek: | Greek gods - Greek mythology - Greek language - Greek Empire - Greek War of Independence (video game) - Byzantine Empire (mostly Greek) |
| Greeks: | Socrates - Plato - Aristotle - Alexander the Great - Idiocrates - Mediocrates - Hypocrites - Homer - Euripides - Euclid - Archimedes - Pythagoras - - Heraclitus - Sophocles - Zorba The Greek - Pericles |
| Gods: | Zeus - Poseidon - Aphrodite - Chaos - Chronos - Hermaphrodite - Athena - Hades |
| Titans: | Prometheus |
| Greece: | Ancient Greece - Athens - Sparta - Rhodes - Thermopylae - Delphi - Geece |
| Greecey Food: | Olives - Olive Oil - Wheat - Darth Feta - Ouzo |
| Greek Ingenuity: | Comedy - Tragedy - Philosophy - Sodomy - Olympic Games |
| Greek Speak: | The Aeneid - The Iliad - The Odyssey - The Destiniad - Oedipus the King |
| Assorted Greek: | UnNews:Greek Prime Minister target by perv |
Civilizations and Empires Throughout History
| Sumeria - Babylon - Egypt - Persia - Greece - Roman Empire - Byzantine Empire - Ottoman Empire - Aztec Empire - China - Japan - Korea - Mongolia - India - England - France - Germany - Spain - Portugal - Kittenolivia - Bulgaria - Russia - America - Cat Nation |
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Also alexander the great of the great ruled half the world having th elargest empire konw to man until he got so drunk that it killed him and then left the land to all these random bogans!!!!
