Ali vs Frasier
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“What a hellacious, outrageous, down right tenacious encounter!”
~ Don King on The Ali vs Frasier Fight
“This may shock and amaze ya but I'm going to knock out that punkass Frasier!”
~ Muhammad Ali on the upcoming match
“I'm listening...to that arrogant gasbag but I've had enough!”
~ Frasier on Muhammad Ali
Contents |
[edit] How It Began
Dr Frasier Crane was hosting yet another one of his radio shows when he got a call from a man named Muhammad. His problem was simple, he had beaten the crap out of everyone in his way and was running out of worthy opponents. Frasier, not quite understanding what Muhammad was trying to say due to his long time avoidance of sports, threatened to cut him off. This only enranged the angry caller who fired off a witty limerick as he so often did and the next thing Frasier knows he's being challenged to a fight. Ordinarily Frasier would of course turn down such an insane suggestion but having felt aggrieved at being shown up by the caller's cheeky wordplay decided to don the gloves.
[edit] The Buildup
It soon dawned upon Frasier that he was stepping into the ring with Muhammad Ali. By that time it was far too late to back down as the whole of Seattle implored him to do it. Just for a laugh you see because they knew for a fact Ali would batter the professional psychiatrist. However they didn't bank on Frasier's incredible ability to understand the human psyche. Along with his brother Niles they put together a strategy, one that would repel all of Ali's fierce hooks, straights and jabs.
Meanwhile over in Ali's camp the trash talking had begun. A little digging into Frasier's history had resulted in the revelation that Frasier used to frequent a bar in Boston nearly every night of the week. Ali took great pleasure in calling his opponent the 'Boston Boozehound'.
[edit] The Fight
9th January 1999. A date imprinted on the minds of everyone in attendance at Caesar's Palace. The atmosphere was tenser than something that is very, very tense. Ali walked out looking like he was in the best condition in his life. Frasier walked out looking like he had just sampled a particularly bad Beaujolais. The two boxers sat in the corners and Frasier nodded dumbly as his father gave advice. 'Keep hittin' em in the ribs ya see? Don't let that bastard breathe!' he croaked while Niles told him to remember the strategy. Ali was ready to knock the head off the famous shrink.
[edit] Round 1
As the bell rung the boxers stood up and faced each other. From the get-go Frasier ducked and bobbed to evade Ali's dangerous blows that seemed to be never ending. Above the noise of the baying crowd Frasier managed to speak to Ali. 'Remember your first pet, a fond childhood toy, something from your past you loved dearly' he said before Ali delivered a sharp jab to Frasier's stomach. He fell back against the ropes but stayed on his feet. Ali was motionless in the ring. His eyes showed he had been caught by a pleasant memory, an old teddy bear called Raggsy. An innocent smile crept up over his mouth. His arms fell by his sides. His urge to hurt was fading away. Frasier had cracked him. He spoke in his most soothing radio-friendly voice and suggested Ali lay down on the canvas (or as Frasier called it, 'the couch') as he would be able to help him with any unresolved issues he may have in his past. Ali lay on the floor as the ref counted to 10, at which point, Frasier thrust a previously hidden Machete into the boxer's groin.
[edit] Celebration
Niles and Martin lifted Frasier aloft on their shoulders. An aria from Verdi's Rigoletto played out over the loud speakers. The victorious Frasier caught a glimpse of a bun-haired pale faced lady sitting in the crowd and summoning all his strength he shouted from the depth of his soul 'LILITH, LILITH, YO LILITH, WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!'
[edit] The Rematch
Ali had been duped but like Roger Daltrey once sang (alright, almost sang, sounds a bit like, whatever) he wouldn't get fooled again. He wanted a rematch and this time he would watch out for Frasier's sly psychology tricks...
