Alien movies saga
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[edit] 2004
The Pred ship at the end of the masterpiece, Alien_v._Predator, crashes on to an uncharted planet. The pilot of the ship grows a long nose and melts into his chair and sends out a distress signal that is really designed to lure other ships to it so that the alien eggs would infect the new host victims.
Since Weyland Industries had missed out on a golden opportunity to retrieve an alien specimen, they scan the heavens for a signal that says, "Hey! The alien species that you guys are looking for is here!" and find it emanating from a certain sector of space.
Knowing that there was a 99.99999997834% chance that Charles Bishop Weyland wouldn't make it back to the States, some playful wags who had collected some of Weyland's DNA and decided to "slow clone" him, so that he would age slowly and be around hundreds of years later to supervise The Great Project.
[edit] 2036
The Company, under the direction of the Weyland Clone, sends a ship to the planet with the big, dead, Predator ship and sets up another signal to lure spaceships to that planet.
[edit] 2037
Almost a year passes, and no one takes the bait. So, the Weyland Clone decides to design a robot based on the likeness of his predecessor's business partner, John Yutani, and names new robot "Ash" and puts him on a mining colony to board the Nostromo as the ship's new Science Officer. There, he has to tell the Captain about Special Order 937 and make sure that the Captain and crew follows it to the letter.
After obtaining a specimen for the Company, Ash wonders why the alien is killing off the crew for no reason. Had it been for food or for a gruesome reproduction method, he would understand. But, since the alien was just killing for no reason, and Ash couldn't wrap his brain around this concept, he becomes horny. He turns his attention toward the most attractive woman on board the ship: Ripley. Since Dallas had forgotten to tell Ripley about the Special Order and she was crying, Horny Ash tried to comfort her. Ripley, feeling betrayed that Ash didn't tell her about the Special Order, storms off to have Parker kick Ash's ass.
Ash, feeling hornier than ever, and remembering that he wasn't made with a wiener (a cruel joke made by the Weyland Clone, in reference to Yutani's awkwardness toward women), decides to stick a rolled-up porno mag into Ripley's mouth. Parker sees the date-rape and ownts Ash.
Later, Ripley finds that the alien is smarter than she had thought it was. It knew that she was going to blow up the ship and that it should find its way to the shuttle. It does.
[edit] 2094
After some time in space, Ripley returns to Earth and tells everybody about her last trip out. A lowly guy named Burke (who has no pull with the Company) decides to go along with Ripley to the planet. Along with them are Mareenz. They are easy to spot, as they have lots of gunz and things that make sploshunz. Since there were never characters like these in previous movies, you may have some trouble telling who is who: the Inexperienced Leader, the Seasoned Sergeant, the Quiet Soon-to-Be-a-Leader, the Guy-with-the-False-Bravado, the two Hardasses; and the rest are Cannon Fodder. If you had trouble figuring out who is who, just follow Hix (the Quiet-Soon-to-Be-a-Leader) and Hudson (the Guy-with-the-False-Bravado). They're the most realistic ones.
Anyway, not only are there more aliens in this movie, but they are smarter. They are so smart that they had destroyed the lines that go from the colony to the transmitting dish so that no one on Earth knows that there were aliens involved! Plus, these aliens are capable of controlling their acid. For example, if it splashes something that the aliens must use for support (like air vents), the acid would not corrode it! They also are smart enough to keep marching into sentry guns so that the guns would run dry! And, while they're on the way to get the people, they're smart enough to cut the power to where everyone is hiding.
Later on, Ripley loses Noot to an alien and goes after her. She walks by the cocooned Mareenz and Burke just so that she could rescue cute little Noot (it was too late for Apone, as he still had a facehugger on him, as well as the other Mareenz; except for Hudson. She really should have saved him, but he had managed to escape and steal a construction vehicle and outrace the coming explosion). More alien smartness is shown when the Queen Alien (who is the size of a condominium) tells other aliens to back off and when she calls an elevator, boards it, and tells it to go to the same floor as Ripley. Then, it turns itself into a pile of debris and hops aboard the dropship to the main ship!
[edit] 2200
The Sulaco blows up and shoots a lifeboat toward a prison planet. When I had found out that Hix and Noot had died, I walked out. Killing off the most important characters in movie history is wrong. After being coaxed for over an hour to go back into the movie, I couldn't understand what people were saying because they were all bald and talking funny. Anyway, another android (made by the Weyland Clone) shows up near the end and tries to scam Ripley for the embryo she was carrying (I don't know how she got alien-pregnant. Maybe if they had shown something in the opening credits instead of all that confusing stuff).
[edit] 2400
Now for some clarity! Ripley is cloned (just like Weyland!) and somehow a queen is born. There is no explanation about how it got there, something that had happened 200 years prior. Anyway, there is no Company (a boring plot element) and no Mareenz (the USM are chickens; they wouldn't stay and fight!). However, there are the best characters in this movie (except for Hudson, Hix and Noot) than in the other movies. There's the Captain Guy, the Wheelchair Guy, the CSI Guy (with the guns on his arms: kewl!), the Silly General, and the greatest character ever, JOHNER!!!
Anyway, I've heard some dumbasses say that this movie's plot was a rehash of Aliens, but I tell you it isn't! It's what some of those guys call an "omahjze", or something like that. The movie has more than what Aliens had. I'd list it all, but it would take too long so I won't.
Then, at the end of the movie, there's this thing. It's one of those Space Jockey things, only it's walking around! I didn't know that they could do that! Maybe it's a plot hole. Anyway, it gets sucked out of a hole that's the size of a dime. Somehow, this brings the Saga full circle. I'll have to get with my IMDb clique to see how this is so.
