All-American Rejects

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Posing for a photo after their gynelogical exams.

The All-American Rejects, not to be confused with the All Arabian Rejects, are a band from Gayville, Oklahoma. They are a bunch of wanna be Emos that are smart enough not to slit their wrists.The main gay is Nick Wheelie. The other not-so-emo looking members are Ryson Titter, Mike Kennerty, and Chris Gaylord. Ryson Titter is from the same Hicktown as Nick, and he also wishes to be emo, but only without the pubic haircut, because his mom wouldn't let him. Ryson used to be fat but he lost weight by switching his protein intake to semen, and he now prefers not to eat food at all. Mike Kennerty is from Houston, Tx. He rode a horse to school and worked with his dad roping cattle until he joined Nick and Ryson. His family’s cattle brand looked like a corroded taint, because his ancestors were too drunk to draw a straight line. Chris Gaylor is the drummer, a true genius. Chris Gaylor is also gay, obviously. He is always humping Ryson.


  • My Paper Cut. Tyson wrote this song about when Nick got really drunk and started to hump Tyson, causing him to get a paper cut from an origami penguin. Ryson then yelled at Nick, which caused Nick to puke all over Ryson and pass out. Nick still doesn’t understand the song.
  • The Last Song. They wrote this when they thought the apocalypse would happen and they wanted to say goodbye to everyone. But, the apocalypse didn’t happen when they had planned, so all the effort of writing the song went to waste.
  • Move Along. Originally “Move Along Into the Bed With Me.” No need to explain anything because the original title says it all.
  • Dirty Little Secret. Yeah, the "dirty little secret" is that Tyson and Nick are getting married, but unfortunately for them everybody already knew that.
  • then came "your star" This song is about Ryson picking grapes and giving them to his math teacher, Texas Ranger.
  • Fuck, shit, piss, cunt, motherfuckin', cocksuckin', dumbtit, ass, bitch, penis, josh, cum sucking, piece of fucking ass crap that organisms adore - it was an earlier song
  • Kill Da Jewz. The lyrics to this song are actually about eating yogurt, but the band thought that "Vanilla Creme in my Mouth" was too explicit for their fans. So, they came up with a new title for the song in order to not scare away their fans (or attract gay fans).

Former Members[edit]

  • Martha Stewart - she was originally the sex slave but she left the band when she learned that Pinocchio had replaced her. She later claimed that the band was "gross", which is saying a lot coming from Martha Goddamn Stuart.
  • Pinocchio - He was their sex slave until he was reported missing on January 1, 2003; coincidentally on the same day, the band made a bonfire that went out of control.
  • Banana Boy - Chris' imaginary friend. One day Nick got hungry and Banana Boy was no more.
  • Jack Black - Provided condoms to concert-goers.
  • Derek Jeter - The Cheese-Doodler.
  • Ronald McDonald - Frightened small children.
  • Santa Claus - Pretended to be black.
  • George W. Bush - Thought the band was American
  • Tyrone Biggums - Crack dealer, band manager.
  • Gerald Way - Former lead singer and typical emo before first viewing The Nightmare Before Christmas, after which he realized death and vampires are cool and emo without black things isn't.
  • Ryan Ross! - He was the former guitarist until he found out that accordions and keyboards were better than guitars.
  • Cavemen - Yeah, cavemen were the groupies.... until Geico bought them out
  • Pie man - "I like PIE"
  • Joshua Treadwell - I sleep with horny gay men and swallow super huge cocks......Call Me 551-HORNY!
  • Ralph - Nose Picker
  • They're American so no wonder they're rejects.