Allahball

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Allahball is a sport mainly played in Middle Eastern nations such as Tokyo and Fred Phelps.

[edit] History

The first game of Allahball was allegedly played on a cold June 4th, 1991 in Madrid, France, which led to a massive riot that ended in the death of beloved cow mangler, Sigourney Weaver. There is no clear evidence that suggests that authenticity of this report, but scientists from Yale have determined that repeated playing of Allahball will result in Super AIDS.

In the early Middle Ages, Allahball caught on fire among veiled women of the Abbasid shogunate and among homosexual Muslim men. Within a fortnight, the sport had spread all the way to Jesusland, where it was rejected because it lacked the fundamental tenet of Jesusian doctrine - naked cousins from Albania. However, in places such as Iran and Tucson, the sport gained amazing popularity, leading to the formation of six international leagues: the Betty Crocker North, the Betty Crocker South, Allah League, Mohammad League, Insanely Dry League, Nantucket League, and the League of Seventh-day Adventists.

Currently, the leagues are constantly competing, with teams striving to reach the Scrotum Bowl, the ultimate championship game in the entire sport.

[edit] Rules

1. There are 12 positions: ass, dick, vagina, clitoris, Canada, bowler, batter, second baseman, small forward, Stalin, and the two Osmonds.
2. The batter must stand approximately four hundred feet from the on-deck circle at all times, lest he risk a personal foul. The pitcher will throw the ball to the bowler who will toss it over home plate. The batter must try to hit the ball with his penis to the vagina, who is responsible for running to second base.
3. Once on second base, the next batter comes to the plate, and a new vagina waits on the baseline. If the ball is hit, the vagina must run towards the dick, which will push her back to the clitoris, where she must transfer the ball to the small forward before the Canadian attacks with a hockey stick. The two Osmonds defend home plate if the small forward decides to double-pounce, or run to home plate without nuking China.
4. A foul ball is declared if Danny DeVito is present in the field.
5. Everyone must simultaneously chant, "Allahu Akbar" while playing the game, lest they risk a technical foul or a samurai-cunt.
6. If more than two vaginas are present on the base path while the pitcher is molesting the ass, then anarchy is declared, giving fans the opportunity to rush the field and beat the shit out of players until equilibrium is reached again.
7. Only African, Arabic, or Inuits may play the position of Stalin.
8. A double-play is achieved by Stalin pissing on the dick while he is pushing her back to the clitoris.
9. A quarter lasts twelve innings, with three strikeouts per inning.
10. A strikeout is achieved when two batters have their spinal cords ruptured.