Amanda Wenk

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Good lord, I'd hit that like the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs.

Amanda Wenk is an attention whoring Virginia girl. She is considered an attention whore because her pictures were leaked onto the Internet. Despite a lack of any evidence that she wanted horny males aged 14-23 to jack off to her, most scholars concluded that it is really her fault that photographs of her are on the Internet. Look at the way she was dressed!

The main reason she is considered hot is because she has gargantuan knockers and looks as if she could soon rival Lindsay Lohan as the person horny males aged 14-23 jack off to while looking at their computer screens. However, because God has a heart and does not want to be forced to render the kitten population extinct, few recent pictures of her exist. Most people blame George Bush for this atrocity, since he sees God on a regular basis during their weekly euchre game and has the old fogey's ear.

[edit] Early Years

Feminine Articles
Cleavage.jpg
Articles About Feminine Issues
Sophia-Loren.jpg

Amanda Wenk is the lovechild of Jenna Jameson and Chuck Norris and has adopted traits from both her parents. Her Chuck-given superstrength forced her mother to abandon her as a child, where she was found by a pack of roving Germans and urged to eat a diet of nothing but bratwurst until she was 9 years old, at which point her breasts (already an impressive C cup) roundhouse kicked her adoptive parents into unconsciousness, at which point they were eaten by communist echidnas. Amanda Wenk wandered the earth for forty days and forty nights and was tempted by many forms of Evil before she stumbled into the USA, where she has lived ever since. She is a lifeguard at a public swimming pool in Virginia, and drownings requiring CPR at that pool have increased approximately 4000% since she began working there. When not lifeguarding, Amanda Wenk fights against the many forms of that same Evil that once vexed her.

The inordinate amount of attention received led her to have a breast reduction. She now has A Cups.

[edit] Rise to Fame

Amanda Wenk first gained true notoriety in 2005, after a number of threads on Fark were bombarded by pictures of deliciously chesty jailbait goodness. The online caches of her pictures were bombarded and, after receiving many comments from horny Spanish-speaking males aged 14-23, she closed the hosts that took the biggest part in the destruction. However, the Internet being the bastion of seedy uncouthness that is is, many older (and some argue, better) stores of pictures still lurk about. One of the most notorious pictures has Ms. Wenk grabbing her awesome funbags while claiming to have "the best breast on earth." It is rumored that by referring to her boobs in the singular she is preventing a catastrophic graviatational collapse. In addition to being particularly well endowed in the front, she has a tighter tush than the average llama.

[edit] Superpowers

Even when powering up to unleash a killer boobie thrust, Amanda Wenks lets one rip

Amanda Wenk's superpowers include, but are probably not limited to, the following:

  • Immunity to heat-, cold-, stench-, and sleaze-type damage. Amanda Wenk receives only half damage from the spooky element
  • Supersonic boobie thrust. Being struck by this is akin to slamming into a big, squishy airbag at Mach 1.5
  • Standard milk- and laser-firing nipples provided by Nipplesoft
  • The ability to turn the heads of all men in a seven block radius at any point in that radius' time continuum. This power has even allowed her to distract such great men as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Beck
  • Floating in any liquid known to man. This is not a true superpower, however, as her mighty bazookas keep her bouyant
Personal tools
View and edit namespaces data

Variants
Actions
Navigation
on Uncyclopedia
Community
participate
Toolbox