American-Welsh War of 1982

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
No Wikipedia.png
Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about American-Welsh War of 1982. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.

The American-Welsh War of 1982 was triggered by an incident in Mississippi the year before when a group of Welsh choral singers the east Cardiff sheep band were executed by the Killer Robots with axes for being "hairy carnie bastards with huffed kitten sympathies". There was immediate international outrage when the news reached Wales a year later via a pot smoking Japanese immigrant. The Welsh instantly declared war and began to raise an army of misfits and sheepshaging twats to invade America. Among them was Catherine Zeta Jones who deserted 5 minutes after joining up (which T-Mobile won't do to you! No roaming charges, and a free camera attachment with purchase of a phone and a plan!).

The Americans panicked and, fearing another Vietnam, they immediately initiated Operation Holocaust, the destruction of Wales. They dropped napalm and plague missiles on all the sheep and 500 hydrogen bombs on each city just to make sure the job was done. They then sent redneck shock troops into Wales to help with the humanitarian relief effort, they got bored of randomly machine-gunning civilians so they gassed them all in death camps and went home to catch the last part of the Jerry Springer marathon. The war was drawn to an official close by Cecil, who drafted the treaty of Cleavanage-sur-mer.

Origins of the War[edit]

The war was primarily caused by Capitalism and the subversionist efforts of the Prime Ministers of Moominland, Thingumy & Bob. They theorised that by artificially creating a war they could rake in money by selling little american plastic Flags to gullible morons. Having no real resentment between the countries, LOL Conglomerates Inc., who Thingumy & Bob were fronting for managed to persuade the then President of America, Ronald Reagan to sleep with Martha Stewart. When they had taped this on Betamax Video they were all set to blackmail him into bombing Cardiff, as any refusal would have led to Pornography being posted on the interweb. This would as we all know have created a massive outrage as we like to keep the net free of perverts and anything remotely dirty.

LOL inc. stood to make millions selling arms to both sides, from the standard OMG launchers to the sophisticated WTF missiles. It has been noted that many of these weapons acronyms sound like NOOBspeak but this was dismissed as LOLshit.

Campaigns[edit]

The American-Welsh War of 1982 was fought on and over Welsh soil between the Taffy Knights and the CIA, with help from the Pentagon and the Hexagon. Because the CIA were involved in this war all records on the American side of events were removed though some remain it is theorised in Area 51 where as we all know a welsh spy plane was shot down and mistaken for an Alien by the slack jawed yokels who worked there.

Eastern Theatre of War[edit]

When the first bomb was dropped in March of 1982 on a Welsh Autobahn, the result was catastrophic. Large amounts of Leeks were destroyed by fire and the anti-aircraft guns provided to attack the ROFLcopters fired merely Hello Kitty memorabilia. This attack was followed by nightly missile strikes from the American cruser USS Enterprise which was stationed in the Irish Sea. The comander on board this vessel was Captain Ahab, on his way back from Finland after his victorius campaign there to secure all Nokia deposits in the area. The welsh retailated with strikes agains Wyoming, Nevada and Kansas though they failed to realise no-one gives a Crap about them and the people who live there would rather be Dead than there.

Western Theatre of War[edit]

While the assaults on mainland wales were in full swing, a small contingent of Peruvian nationals, aiming to protect mother wales swarmed up the coast of America, aiming to destroy California. This would have been a massive tragedy if they had suceeded, for the welsh spy ring was trying to amass information here at the time, failing to realise that the actual HQ of the enemy was in Washington DC (this was though later proved to be wrong as well, at the last moment troop bases were moved to Dryer DC as it was thought to be safer and less damp.