American Black Bear

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Tha American black bear (Ursus americanus), also known as the nigga bear, is the most common bear species native to North America.

Physical description[edit]

Despite he brown skin, diz bear's dancing skills prove dat he be black.

The male black bear be about 1.5 m (5 feet) long, a remarkable feat by any account. Females be weighin' between 100 and 300 kg, much like human women, while males be weighin' between 200 and 400 kg. The adult black bear got him small eyes, rounded ears, a long snout, a large body, a short tail, and crazy-ass breakdance skills. They gots an excellent sense of smell and can jump quite well. Though these bears is indeed generally havin' shaggy black hair, the coat can vary in color depending on the subspecies: from white through chocolate brown, cinnamon brown, and blonde, found mostly west of the Mississippi River, to black in the east. Furtha adding to the confusion, black bears is all tha time sportin' bling around they neck.

While black bears be able to stand and walk on all fours, they usually be running and jumping using just their hind legs. (When they do walk on all fours, it usually is to make fun of white bears.) The black bear's characteristic shuffle results from its natural ability to dance like a madman. Each paw gots five strong claws used for tearing, digging, shooting hoops, climbing, rapping, DJ'ing, and bustin' caps. One blow from a powerful fo'-five pounda be enough to kill an adult elk.

Habitat and behavior[edit]

Black bears prefer tha ghetto, but be usin' forests, meadows, high tidelands, ridgetops, burned areas, riparian areas, avalanche chutes, and white suburban neighborhoods. They also be chillin' at all the hip clubs. After emerging from their winter dens in spring, they's all seekin' southerly slopes at lower elevations for hos and move to northerly and easterly slopes at higher elevations as summer progresses. Black bears use baggy Sean Jean attire for hiding and thermal protection, as well as for bedding. They climb trees to escape danger and use forested areas as travel corridors. Black bears hibernate during winter and may build cribs in bungalows, crack houses, and caves.

Black bears be reachin' sexual maturity at about 14 or 15 years of age, and be bangin' hos every 2 to 3 days. However, if food be scarce and the baby momma has not gained enough fat to sustain herself during hibernation as well as produce cubs, the baby momma gonna get busted.

Cub survival be totally dependent on the skill of the baby momma in teachin' her cubs where to eat, where and how bust caps (shoot some fool), where to chill, and when and where to sign with a record company.

Black bears be omnivores. They be eatin' a wide variety of dope, relying most heavily on grasses, herbs, crack, and beer. They also feed on meth and LSD.

Black bears is sometimes killin' and eatin' small crackas and fellow niggaz. Unlike da brown bear, black bears is always likin' to attack and rape dead hos, which makes white bitches who be feignin' death at bear attacks wiggitty-wack. Unlike many otha gangstas, black bears is attacking y'all even when y'all not cornered or threatened. They is more likely to be bustin' a cap on some white man than otha niggaz and typically be havin' long since ran and jumped you before you be seein' their ass. When black bears be bustin' caps on the white man, it be extremely common. It be estimated that there have been over 56,000,000 documented killings of honkeys by black bears in North America in the past 10 years.