American Presidential Race

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I think Im gonna be sick...

Introduction[edit]

The American Presidential Race is an election to vote for the American (world) President. Seeing as how any President will rise to world domination, this is a major cause for concern. Most Presidents are dumb and very dense so once a new one is in office, the world is in serious trouble for the next few years. Lies are a key role in most presidents' regimes. At any given point in time, George Bush is lying, as his mouth is open.

The Candidates[edit]

This time round, The Americans can choose from the two major candidates:

In the Right Corner, we have:

  • Democrat
  • Not Stupid



In the Wrong Corner, we have:

  • Republican
  • Stupid

History[edit]

In the past the Americans have elected the Republicans to world domination:

  • Republican
  • Stupid


At this time, it is important to remember that our current Master, George W. Bush is WRONG. While it is easy of us to see this, Americans have a tendancy to have a short attention span. They cannot, alas, see this because it is not covered in cheese, nor does it have a gun. Mind you, George Bush does have several million guns, but the fact remains that the Americans cannot see that he is WRONG anyway.

So, we have established a connection between Republicans and WRONG.

The threat[edit]

One might not see the immediate problems of a Republican President. In fact, lies uopn lies upon lies upon lies might render one so immune of the truth that anything said will make immediate sense. Then there all the non- Americans. Yes, you know who you are. Normal. Republicans have major tendancy to start war. War is bad. So is being shot, but the Americans cannot help themselves. Republicans do sometimes have the capacity to address serious problems, however, one will note that the solution ALWAYS does include artillery, be it war, invasion or even humanitarian. Apparantly, guns solve problems. Like when the fish won't bite. Or when the guy at McDonalds won't hurry up.

Americans, and what will, but shouldn't, happen[edit]

We, being all non- Americans, can now see that the vote for John McCain will be WRONG. We also can see that Americans are very American (see below) and therfore they will vote for Republican. This is also WRONG.

The American- Americans' psyche is as follows:

  • Eat
  • Drink
  • Invade
  • Vote Repuclican.


Can our Masters change their ways? There are many things stopping Americans from voting Democrat. The price of fuel which has risen directly from their need to drive SUVs the the polling booths ten metres away. The fact that the Democrat box it further from the door at the polling location (That could be fixed but the Americans don't know how). But the biggest issue stopping Americans from voting Democrat is that simply don't know how.

In order to convince you...[edit]

In order to convince them, the following facts should be read, or if you are American, get someone to read it for you as you couldn't be stuffed.

Lets outline some of the mistakes that Republicans have made:

1. Elected George W. Bush as their leader

2. Elected John McCain as his successor

3. Enough said.


Lets outline some of the well thought through, and carried out decisions the Democrats have made:

1. Elected Bill Clinton as their Leader.

2. Elected Barak Obama as his successor.

3. Enough said.


What can be done?[edit]

  • The most likely way that you will note the presence of a White American is their annoying and drawn out accent. Like having an orgasm while speaking. If this fails head to your nearest McDonalds and you will spot them in their natural habitat. Note that they are morbidly obese. It is important at this stage to see how they react to stimuli. They will not acknowledge any presence unless they are being offered a supersized meal. This is the key. If you want to be safe for the next four years, you must brainwash them with more food. This will not be hard.

If you spot an American out of it natural habitat, there is nothing for it but to wait. They will eventually return to their den for more sustanence, at which time you must make your move.

This applies to the entire world as McDonalds has spread internationally. Having run out of McDonalds in their homeland, they have followed it wherever it has gone. They cannot help themselves; such is their most primal of instincts.

This may seem very expensive for the rest of us. But think: The Republicans MUST NOT rise to world domination. For your own safety, you must buy and subsequently donate as much McDonalds as possible.

A word of warning: If you approach an American without a peace offering of food, they may become falsely interested on your home country, while still comparing it to the 'Great Nation of America". Enter the American Tourist.

  • The Black American is different. This type is much easier to convince, due their docile behaviour. This is so because of their frequent consumption of Marajuana. All that is needed here is to tell them that Barak Obama is 'Their Brother'. This is all the action that will be required.

Again, take care. If approached while not under the influence of Marajuana, 'Stoned', they may 'Pop a cap in yo ass'. The meaning of this phrase has not yet been deciphered by non- Black American scientists, or in other words, everyone else.

  • The American Celebrity is a rare breed. They frequent L.A. and Miami in the hope that the next group of people will recognise them. They occaisionaly venture overseas. One can tell the American Celebrity apart from all others because they can be seen telling every television crew in sight about how beautiful the country that they are visiting is. Most of these American Celebrities follow what is called Scientology, a mindless, senseless cult about aliens and strange childbirth customs. To convince the American Celebrity to vote Democrat, simply say the Aliens told you to tell them to do it. They will understand.
  • The most liable to vote Republican is the Hick American. Due to a strange coincidence, however, they are also the easiest to convert. Here, you have two options. Say that John McCain stole the Alligator from the family caravan. Or, alternatively, corner a Hick, and put a mask on him of Barak Obama. Due to the Hicks' short memory, they will see the mask and instanty recognise Obama as it's adopted mother, or, in this case, father. Ducklings are similar in behaviour, but a duckling can differentiate between it's mother and father, while a Hick cannot.

Conclusion[edit]

The rest of the world, our minds are at one: "Can the Americans vote for the right person"? Good Question.

Lets hope so.

AMERICA- Can we trust you to do the right thing? America? America? Oh no, they've fallen asleep. Probably from lack of McDonalds.

You see, they need a constant supply of fat to keep their enormous bulk from instantly being deprived of oxygen at its extremities. One option would be to supply Mush McDonalds intrvenously. Hang on, yep they've just done that. Shouldn't have written that.

-Wait hang on a minute- What the?- Is the entire earth turning until the fat Americans are on the bottom due to their weight? Yep, seems so.

Hey- they're falling off the edge of the earth, just like they used to!!! Yes!!!! Sucess!!! No Americans to vote for their own president!!!

-What - Oh no, it was just a dream!!! SHIT- I fell asleep writing about the Am- Ameri- Americ-ansssssssssssssssssss (snore) (snore) (snore)

Huh? Well, we tried. Gulp.