Anal lube

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Anal lube.
Conservapedia logo.png
The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Anal lube.

Urban Dictionary on Anal lube

Industrial Strength Anal Lube

Anal lube was invented in 1773 as an aid to Catholic priests in their buggery of choir boys. Prior to this the Priests had to use lard (which offended Jewish choir boys (more than they were just for being buggered, that is)), or harpy ooze (the ultimate marital aide and quite effective, but also quite difficult to procure).

Early anal lube was not an instant success. After numerous failures (including, notably, an attempt that led to the discovery of modern super glue) the Greek scientist Trojan Ky made the breakthrough discovery that allowed anal lube to become successful. In honour of Mr. KY's nationality anal sex is still sometimes called "Greek Love". Mr. Ky called his discovery "Slimy Stuff", a name which was not appealing to many people, and resulted in its name change to "anal lube" due to a landmark Supreme Court decision in 1842.

Unfortunately for Mr. Ky due to Greek patent law at the time he was unable to hold on to his slippery invention, and ultimately even his name was used by rival Flemish manufacturers of inferior anal lubes. To this day his descendants wage a losing legal war against the K-Y Jelly company which has been illegally using Mr. Ky's last name as the brand name for their product for decades.

Most recently anal lube has been mentioned in context with [1]santorum which is a frothy mixture of anal lube, fecal matter, and seminal fluids. Regrettably the good name of santorum (which is usually avoidable, and easily removed from sheets) has been sullied by a certain US Senator who, attempting to cash in on the valuable pro-santorum votes, legally changed his name to [2]Rick Santorum.

The history of the noble substance we know today as anal lube is long, dark, warm, and tight. No, wait, that's an anus. The history of anal lube is filled with wonderful discoveries, and the occasional opportunistic politician.

Anal Lube as an Industrial Enterprise[edit]

The need for anal lubrication has been met by Recto-Lube: The Brand You Love. Surges in demand for anal lube following the gay revolution of the 1930s (conveniently coinciding with the Great Depression) propelled this firm from Greek family run business to world super-power.

Anal lube makes an excellent spread for sandwiches, too.

See Also[edit]