Anastasia
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Her Imperial Superduperness, The Absolutely Spiffing and Downright Fantastical Grand Duchess Anastasia of Russia (June 18, 1901 to July 17 1918) was the youngest hybrid daughter of Tsar Nicholas II, the Last Emperor of Russia (the last because he proved utterly incapable of maintaining control on anything more complicated than his goldfish bowl), and his wife Alexandra, otherwise known as the crazed fanatical believer in the healing power of the telegram.
Anastasia played host to an impressive array of siblings, who have variously progressed to achieve international stardom. Johann Sebastian Bach, Cameron Diaz, Vladimir Lenin, Spiderman, Tom Petty, Zac Posen, and Mao Zedong are among the more well known siblings of Anastasia's.
Her forbears also notable, with ancestors as varied as Catherine the Great and Elvis. Less well known relatives include Alexander the Git, Peter the Impossible and Ivan the Insanely Terrible.
She and her family were supposedly murdered in a basement of a shack in the middle of Kiev by Cossacks who confused them for Kevin Costner fans.
However, speculation that Anastasia may have escaped the assault has been widespread, and has inspired an impressive catalog of books and an all-singing all-dancing (despite the blood and the slaughter) cartoon movie.
[edit] Random Claims
Many women have claimed to be Anastasia, the most infamous of them being Anna Anderson. This is the same women who in later life declared herself to be Catwoman and died in the process of attempting to scale the Empire State Building at the age of ninety. Of the thousands of women claiming to be the lost princess, hundreds were DNA tested and found positive for AWS (Attention Whore Syndrome).
Turns out she was nothing more than a ho fo sho.
Candidates continue to surface to this day, with the latest claimant being a thirty three year old man from China. Officials are currently investigating his claim.
The speculation that Anastasia did not die arises from the conspicuous absence of two graves from the burial site in Yekaterinburg: hers, and those of Buddy Holly. Scientific explanations for the mystery have been diverse, ranging from abduction at the hands of alien invaders to melding with the life force of the Earth at the time of death.
[edit] Anastasia, the Cartoon movie
Anastasiais based on the true story of Grand Duchess Anastasia. It was directed by God and produced by Gary Goldman at Fox Studios and was released in the worst year ever, 1997.
Hype over the movie was multiplied ten fold because of the featured songs "Once Upon a December", "At the Beginning", and "Journey to the Pants", which were sung by Madonna, consequently, twenty three half crazed Madonna fans were trampled to death at the premiere due to their disgusting desperation to snatch a sight of their idol.
God and Goldman won awards for their interpretation of Rasputin, who was a heaping pile of sin and living in a backwater dimension that doesn't exist. Upon seeing the film, Rasputin was outraged at his portrayal, claiming it was far too muted and subtle in tone. "I am the INCARNATION of EVIL!" he shrieked, although he was inaudible from his hidden dimension. "I am not subtle!"
