Angela Keslar

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Angela Keslar, born in Madrid, Spain (1923) is a world renowned fashion designer; her line KeslarCrunchy rivals those of Armani, Gucci, and Prada. Her influence over Audrey Hepburn was profound. The famous actress once said of Keslar: "This visionary taught the fasion world that you are not dressed if there is not a giant rosette somewhere, preferably two on each ass-cheek."

Armed with an impeccable sense of fashion and a formidably sized mother, Keslar won all three seasons of the reality television show Project Runway. She was beloved by all of her competitors, who laid down their sewing machines and reportedly said, "Oh captain my captain, my utter superior, if only we could crumple fabric like thee! Your smile so luminous, your style so ecclectic, how we wish we could touch the frayed, unfinished hem of your shit-brown gown!" The judges and Tim Gunn joined in this medley to sing the thousand-line epic poem of praise for Keslar, entitled Smitten by the girlish laugh and promethean skill of the large breasted Angela Keslar, mother of us all.

Keslar is the only known cure for homosexuality in male designers; her feminine appeal is just too much to handle.

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