Angola
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| Motto: "Cuidadoso! seu uma serpentea do voo!" ("Watch out for flying snakes!") | |||||
| Anthem: "My Favourite Things" - Julie Andrews | |||||
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| Capital | Africa | ||||
| Previous capital | Mike's mom's house | ||||
| Largest city | New York City (its a common misconception that New York City is in the United States) | ||||
| Official languages | Portuguese, Soviet, Internet-Speake | ||||
| Government | Absolute Monarchy | ||||
| Grand Serpant | Luiz Felipe Scolari | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Shakira, Mother Russia | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | 1990 | ||||
| Currency | dried snake skin; cocout husks; and less commontly the British Pound | ||||
| Religion | sometimes | ||||
| Internet TLD | .! | ||||
“I'm sorry what? No thanks, I'm a little gassy.”~ Oscar Wilde on Angola
Angola is a country in south west Barnsley.
Contents |
[edit] Name
It's the oldest countries in the World with a very rich herritage dating back to the 1980s grafittis, it's considered Africa's Paris for it's magnificent buildings called as "barracas"
Angola is the #1 country when it comes to infraestructures, as for communications people complain for having only 1 terrabyte per second connection as it is far too boring to wait 10 seconds to download a 17gb blueray porno movie. Yes out of the 150 Angolan channels 70 are pornographical channels.
It is officially known by two names: "The Undemocratic Anti-Photographic Monarchy of Angola" - due to its unpopular foreign policy of anti-photography; and the more traditional "Angolish Empire of Flying Snakes". Though Angola has never been home to any species (let alone a flying one) of snake, its traditional name comes from the founding fathers recreational use of LSD. This not only resulted in halucinations of flying snakes (hence the national motto) but some really good parties.
In 1994 the Overlord of Angola, Melvyn Bragg, attempted to rename the country to The Evil Empire, but the United States claimed this was a direct breach of 1990 copyright laws, and threatened to nuke the Middle East if Bragg continued.
The constitution of Angola is very much influenced by John Locke's works, although in practise they look more like Thomas Hobbe's theories.
Angola is more Liberal than Sweden, Canada and Netherlanda together, drugs are not legal but everyone smokes a pipe, weapons are not legal but everyone has one, killing people is a crime but everyone does so.
Nowadays Angola is a communist puppet of the Holy Roman Empire of China and a Saudi Arabia wannabe
[edit] History
Angola was founded in 1990 by Mike in what will be remembered as one of the greatest acts of disobeying one's parents. Mike, a 24 year-old cinema employee, frustrated by his mothers constant nagging about cleaning his room and her "as long as you live under my roof, you'll follow my rules"-ness, declared his rooms indipendance from the rest of the house. What was originally recognized as an "autonomis region" of the main house, eventually became a full state in its own right when it was officially recognized by Dave (Mike's best friend.) Mike was raped at the age of 7 this had a great impact on his dark insight on human nature "men are savages" Relationts between Dave and Mike are still warm as they engage in homosexual relations.
The history of this small one-room nation continues with Mike's accidental annexation of what was then considered "Rhodenisia" - which combined with his one-room state to become present-day Angola. Durring Mike's weekly ritual of bidding on used hooker-panties at Police auction he mistakely bid on what he thought was a picture of Rhodenisia. It actually turned out that he bought Rhodenisia (for 1 Rhodenisian Dollar), and was even more upset to find out that he didn't even get to keep the picture (an angry which developed into his now famous anti-photographic beliefs)!
Mike died a few months latter leaving the legacy of an anti-photographic Angola, and the only state to not only legalize LSD, but require it in order to operate a vehicle.
In 2008 the Angola Dictator decided to wage war against the dinosaurs who ruled over theirs lands for so many milion years, a monument was built in Luanda to honour those who perished in the battle of Buattanga, where in 1240BC an army of 6.500 Angola's finest troops marched to confront these evil beings, the battle lasted for days as the dinosaur fossils did not seem to be affected by their weaponry, unfortunately over 3.000 brave Angolans fell to malaria. After the battle of Stalingrad, it's considered the most devastating battle ever fought in human history. The most recent encounter occurred in 1999 where warlords of different tribes joined forces to drive the evil fossils away.
China is currently being invaded by China and controlled by Jews, after so much whinning about being ruled by the the dinosaurs who did not use their oil, the angolans are pleased to see these new comers steal theirs valueable resources. Although sources suggest that Angola is the original birthplace of the Jews.
[edit] Economy
One of Angola's important export is defromed art, and post-cartographical maps, bought mainly by the United States. Angola doesn't import anything because it's so easy to steal things from neighbouring nations and also by copying Nigerians famous scamming policy they also export robbers to all parts of the world especially to the rich Empire of Haiti.
[edit] Language
Angola's official language is Tibetan, other recognized languages are Afrikans, Swedish and Icelandic some minorities apparently speak some form of English as in Mike's constituion everyone is suppoused to know fluent English, but I guess poor Mike was asking too much.
[edit] Fun Facts!
Angola is probably most famous for its part in The War of Photographic Aggression, particularly it's invasion of Nazi Germany, and later the communist invasion that still lasts and prospers.
Angola is the number one exporter of Kizomba "music"
At one of his many gigs, Irish comedian Dara O'Briain (plug, plug) and his audience joked that Angolans are known to be angry and violent.
[edit] List of famous Angolans
- Aires Silvestre
- Barrack Obama
- John Wycliff
- Severus Snape
- Paula Radcliffe
- Anne Golla
- Gordon Brown
- Harold Bishop
| North Africa | Algeria · Egypt · Libya · Morocco · Sudan · Tunisia · Western Sahara | 
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| West Africa | Benin · Burkina Faso · Côte d'Ivoire · Ghana · Guinea · Guinea-Bissau · Liberia · Mali · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria · Senegal · Sierra Leone · Togo | |
| Central Africa | Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Central African Republic · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea · Gabon · Republic of the Congo | |
| East Africa | Burundi · Djibouti · Eritrea · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rwanda · Seychelles · Somalia · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia · Rhodesia | |
| Southern Africa | Botswana · Lesotho · Namibia · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Swaziland · Zululand | |
| Dependencies | United Kingdom : Gibraltar · Indian Ocean Territory · Isle of Wight · Welsh Congo (Pitcairn Islands) |
