Angus MacAskill

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Giant MacAskill makes his way through the thick Cape Breton forest, Mayor John Morgan is seen in the foreground

Angus MacAskill was born over 8,000 years ago in Scotland and immigrated to Cape Breton when he was only three years old. MacAskill stands at over 35 feet tall and weighs approximatly 20 tons. This makes him the largest terrestrial organism on the planet. Despite his feroucious appearance MacAskill has been described as a gentle giant, he was a star rugby player in the CBRL and he is a decorated war hero, having fought in the Battle of Sydney against John Hamm's mainland forces. He has also perfomed many heroic tasks including staging massive rescue operations during the sinking of the Titanic, 9/11, the Asian tsunami, and Hurricane Katrina.

Heroic Feats[edit]

Battle of Sydney[edit]

Angus MacAskill was one of the heroes during the battle of Sydney. He recorded over 15,000 kills and has the world record for the longest distance thrown in the human shot put. Standing at over 35 feet tall, MacAskill merely picked up enemy soldiers and threw them, some of them landed as far away as Glace Bay. He also played baseball with some of the enemy soldiers. He picked up a power pole and used it as a bat. He would then toss soldiers in the air striking them with the bat. Some of their corpses fell apart as he hit them and blood showers fell over much of Sydney that day. Many of the corpses landed in the nearby Tar Ponds brewery, others landed in the ocean.

See also[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Angus MacAskill.