Ann Coulter

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Ann Coulter's look at how poor Adolf Hitler was constantly hounded with lies by the Jewish vermin of Nazi Germany. Foreword by Josef Goebbels.

“Dude I would fuck him, wait it's a she?!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Ann Coulter

“Sorry your a gay liberal”

~ Ann Coulter on Oscar Wilde's comment

“Anorexic people suck!”

~ Ann Coulter on Anorexic people (herself)

“In Soviet Russia Ann Coulter hates you”

~ Russian Reversal on Ann Coulter

Ann "The Man" Coulter is a ultra-liberal parodist posing as an American social and political commentator, author, and syndicated columnist. She frequently satirizes the Conservative Right on television, radio, and as a speaker at public events. Coulter accomplishes this by supporting opinions that fall far to the right of even the most conservative Republicans, has become well-known by the controversial ways in which she defends them. Only you and gay republicans would f*** her. Coulter is also a total racist bitch and it really isn't even funny.

[edit] Background and rise to fame

Coulter without makeup. Strangly she looks better.

Andrew "Ann" Damien Legion Goldfarb Coulter was born in San Fransisco to "Bloody" Mary Coulter and Keith Olbermann on February 29, 1862. Some have speculated that (s)he may be an extra-terrestrial life form (see picture to the left); however, NASA and SETI have repeatedly declined to investigate this possibility, though they were quick to suggest that (s)he was a psycho, former man-tranny with a ten-foot dick. Shortly after his/her first birthday, (s)he single-handedly resolved the Cuban Missile Crisis by beating up Nikita Khrushchev and making him cry; (s)he later returned and sodomized him to death. Since then, (s)he has been angry that liberal President John F. Kennedy took all the credit, so on November 22, 1963 she shot him in Dallas and blamed it on Lee Harvey Oswald.

In the 1990s (s)he became noteworthy for his/her attempts to have Bill Clinton impeached, after he failed to respond to his/her sexual advances at a dinner party (unusual, considering that this is Bill Clinton we're talking about). Under a great deal of stress, she overeat, gained some weight and witnessed her boobs swelling to a voluptuous size 44D. Having failed to do this, (s)he later accused him of being a homosexual. He responded, Only gay when it comes to evil, crazy bitches.^[1]

(S)he has since written a number of bestselling books, including an updated second edition of Hitler's Mein Kampf, with the word "Jew" replaced with "liberal" or "Muslim" as required, and the title changed. When asked whether it was acceptable in the modern world to plagiarize the works of Hitler, (s)he responded "Well, he's dead so he can't complain about it. Anyway, who cares about your opinion, liberal gay boy?" Mr. Hitler was unavailable for comment.

Recently Ann coulter joined a small nazi group where she get into ebil germin gangbangs and talks shit about niggers, and calling Barack Obama a homo and dreaming of assassinating and raping his dead body. The crazy stupid bitch manwhore. These facts are just as true as Ann Coulters own.

[edit] Controversies

[edit] Inaccuracies in books

"Ann" has actually never made a mistake in his/her books because (s)he's a perfect Christian. So perfect that (s)he wants Jews to be perfect too, just like him/her. (S)he has even said the same about Muslims (or as (s)he cleverly calls them, "ragheads" and "camel jockeys"). But enough about how perfect (s)he is. The point is, (s)he has never made a mistake in his/her books. However, Coulter's latest book, 'If I had a penis, I'd be a man' is littered with many glaring factual and historical inaccuracies. Coulter spends the usual number of chapters insisting Canada sent troops to Vietnam. However this time the new book dedicates a large section to how, according to Coulter, spaghetti grows on trees and the sun orbits the earth. The book is supplemented with a novella entitled 'If Republicans had sense, they'd kill themselves'. This exciting new addition to the literary world is part autobiographical and explores Coulter's (many) failed/half-hearted suicide attempts and their subsequent failure to garner him/her the attention that it craves..

[edit] Child Sex Slave Scandal

In early 2005 Coulter was highly criticized for his/her role in the child sex slave trade. Coulter was being investigated for several years by the FBI and CIA and it had turned out that (s)he was the ring leader of the largest child sex slave trade in the world. When asked about his/her role on CBS's Dateline, (s)he said, "The liberal media wants you to believe that using children as sex slaves is wrong and they will do anything to convince the stupid liberal public of this." When it was pointed out that most of his/her counterparts do not believe in child sex slaves (s)he said, "They are liberals masked as conservatives and God said it's OK anyway". She was informed that it is not "OK" in Christianity, to which, (s)he replied that (s)he is "gay" and "hates fags", in the same sentence. (S)he then broke down and confessed the whole thing, that (s)he is "gay" and a "whore" who does "drugs", likes it in the "poop chute", doesn't "go to church"; (s)he goes on to say that (s)he is in fact a "liberal" who "hates America".

[edit] Sexual harassment of Alan Colmes

Ann had received much widespread criticism for anally raping and sodomizing liberal talk show host Alan Colmes, taking a dump on his face and forcing him to eat it. Ann responded by saying, "I did this all the time at my high school. In fact, my fellow gangbangers called me The Blonde and Beastly Gimp. I don't see any problem with it." After receiving extensive surgery on his ass and his face, Colmes surprisingly defended Ann by saying, "I don't care, I finally lost my virginity!" It was also reported that fellow Fox News pundits Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly were involved in the rape, with Hannity videotaping the incident and O'Reilly dressed in a full leather sex outfit and supplying Ann with the sex toys needed, a claim that neither have denied.

[edit] Views on Islam

"Ann" Coulter's views on Islamic terrorism are also very open-minded and sensible as (s)he has repeatedly stated how we must love and accept them because that's the "Jesus way". However (s)he once made controversy by stating that we should invade Iraq and convert them all to Christianity. Ann responded to this criticism at the Republican National Convention by firmly stating, "Fuck those goddamn fucking faggots who hate me!!! I hate every single one of those fucking sand niggers!!! Fuck converting them!! I say we bomb and rape the living shit out of all of them, especially the women and children!!! I'll even lead the assault!!!" (S)he received a standing ovation from his/her fellow Republicans afterwards. Despite the approval of his/her peers, "Ann" realised that if (s)he was ever going to truly understand Islam, (s)he needed to immerse him/herself in it completely. To that end, (s)he spent a year living in Saudi Arabia, during which time (s)he converted, married 114 "women", personally executed over half the Phillipino maids in the country by sword, became supreme head of the religious police, and then travelled onward to the tribal badlands of Pakistan, where (s)he learned how to field-strip an AK-47, and construct a suicide belt, from goat's milk and opium, at night, in under 30 seconds.

[edit] Accusations of Acromegaly

Around the time he had his first sex change, Ann Coulter had a pituitary gland misfire which caused his/her hands to swell up and grow roughly to the size of a small battleship. Many impromptu airplane landings have been made on Ann Coulter's palms, but only in cases involving runways far too short for proper landings. Despite the mounting evidence, Ann Coulter still argues that his/her hands are, in fact, quite normal for a man who has gone through 6 or 7 sex changes.

Ann/Andrew's surgeon, Dr. Nick, was unavailable for comment owing to his recent discovery of a cheap, and seemingly endless, supply of morphine.

[edit] Closet Emo?

It has been speculated that Ann is an emo and goth as she always wears dark colors on her book covers. She also dresses like a tranny whore and that reveals her cuts and laserations across her body most likely caused by herself, as any normal human being descentigrates on contact with her skin. Her gothic and emo attitude have led people to belive that she is a reincarnation of satan's wife, which explains why she's such a bitch and won't get any shit until she goes to hell and get's raped by satan. I bet you dream about that shit don't you?

[edit] Critics

Ann Coulter, masquerading as her alter ego Ann Dredd when she intervenes in human rights, dignity, and her conscience is more important than the peculiarly universal strategy of liberty.

Critics, in all their ungodly libral, unamericanness, allege she is an unrepentant user of prohibited substances and an aging whorish slut. Ann is quoted as saying of her critics, "They think they are so smart just 'cause they done gone to college and I didn't." She did, however, go to clown college and attended law school for anorexic victims. Of course, she only managed to get in by threatening to murder every single woman on campus and force each of the men to be her sex slave. She also threatened to devour an entire family of rabbits. This was too great a risk, and she was allowed into the school. Fellow students in her graduating class unanimously voted her Most Likely to Become a Complete Fucking Asshole. Shortly thereafter, each and every one of them mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again. Ann received her diploma under heavy guard. Her valedictorian address ("Fuck you, you fucking faggots!") was the shortest on record.

Despite being a member of the world's oldest profession, Coulter denies that she uses her body to sell her viewpoints. The aging talking head, however, insists on wearing short skirts to show off her spindly legs, lack of underwear, and a glimpse of her 10" uncut junk.

Critics also make up inflammatory quotes which they attribute to her. This happens far more frequently than it does to Oscar Wilde, but since Ann is an avid believer in the Liberals Always Lie theory, she doesn't have to defend herself against these accusations, which is probably for the best because if she did, she'd end up digging an even deeper hole for herself.

Social critics note that Coulter's vitriolic personality, abusive language, and sarcastic mannerisms keep her from being a woman fulfilled, and thus conclude that she is transgendered. David Brinkley once said that he'd "rather die than ride that dog," referring to Coulter. Upon hearing this, Coulter showed up on Brinkley's doorstep, rang the bell, and when the Dean of American Newsmen answered the door he dropped on the spot rather than "Go where no man has gone before."

[edit] Battle of The Two Anns

In the year 666 B.C. Ayn Rand went to war with Ann Coulter. The two met at Cuntboro Creek, the famed site that would later become a major habitat for Fred Phelps and his cleft palate offspring. Ann Coulter brought along Martha Stewart, Elisabeth Hasslebeck, and Anne Sexton, while Ayn Rand brought along Sylvia Plath, Chinese poet Cai Yan, and Emily Dickinson. The battle went on for hours, each throwing sonnets this way and that. The cries of each were then known as "The Shit crapped 'round the world." Ultimately, Rand was victorious, riding her horse and using it's balls to trample Coulter. Martha Stewart was killed by Emily Dickinson, after first proclaiming "Emos can't do anything!" Sylvia Plath engaged Hasslebeck, eventually killing her with the power of her nazi father. Cai Yan summoned several Chinese Mongols, and they skewered Anne Sexton, which made Plath cry. It seemed that Ann Coulter was to remain forever in hell, however that was not the case...

[edit] Multiple Defeats

The tragic defeat of Ann Coulter by a horse's balls.

Ann was resurrected in 1826 by Emily Dickinson, who accidentally wrote a poem about the infamous battle that had occurred. Coulter pointed her finger at Emily, calling her a "damn emo faggot," and then proceeded to bash her head in with a candlestick. Ann escaped and went into hiding. In the year 1851, Ann Coulter waged war on Frogland. It has been mentioned earlier that Coulter is a cyborg (as well as a fucking bitch), so in keeping with that, she used her dark powers to summon vast legions of Republican cyborg death machines, including the likes of Condoleezza Rice, Dickard Q. Cheney, Oprah Winfrey (a flaming conservative as you well know), Bill O'Reilly, and Sailor Moon, who is a famous evangelist and the minister of Westboro Baptist Church. The battle lasted twenty years and had over thirty casualties. Unfortunately, Coulter was defeated by the fag-enabling, God-hating liberal army of California when she was caught giving head to Sailor Moon. The enemy proceeded to pawn her artificial vagina (for a paltry sum as it was now rusted beyond all recognition) and anally violate her (which she didn't mind a bit). However, due to an unfortunate bout of flatulence on her part, Coulter's head was irreversibly fused to a horse's ass (see picture), which explains the way her face looks. The horse was amputated in 1969, when sliced bread was invented, and she has proceeded to live a full and normal life despite losing 93 percent of her brain. According to Coulter, losing 30 IQ has helped her immensely, since it meant she qualifies to be a guest on the Faux News channel. The brain fragments, along with the horse, were donated to a McDonald's chicken-nugget factory and haven't been seen since.

[edit] Final Death and Aftermath

In the year, 8369, while in the midst of the Great Gummy Bear War, Commander Swede, the leader of the Nazi dictatorship and king of the Swedish Fish, sent out a message for Ann to come and work for them. Ann, having survived this long by feeding off of rats and infants, had recently received a degree in voodoo magic. Despite the fact that her IQ level dropped down to below zero, Ann was a valuable asset to winning the war because she knew how to resurrect Adolf Hitler. By sacrificing the blood of ten virgins, the spirit of Hitler came alive and forced its way into her body by traveling through her ass and into her brain. Now with the spirit of Hitler inside of her, she immediately asked for a Jew to eat. After feasting on Al Franken, Ann was ready to nobly lead the Nazi Swedish Fish to victory. But before anything could happen, an elite squad of Gummy Bears invaded the secret bunker and opened fire. All of the fish, including Commander Swede, were killed. Ann made a mad dash to escape, but her head soon started throbbing in pain. Apparently, Hitler's spirit had looked into her mind and saw all of the horrible things that she said about minorities and he realized that she was more fucked up than he is. The spirit literally burst out of her bony head and fled back to Hell to spoon with Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong Il. Ann's headless body, however, continued to frantically move around with her green alien blood spewing out of her neck. But thanks to the Gummy Bear's trusty flamethrowers, Ann's body was soon reduced to a charred crisp. Thus, the demonic monster known as Ann Coulter was finally no more.

[edit] Ann Coulter's fan forum

An official Ann Coulter fan forum exists [1] where people of a similar intellect to her talk about issues close to their hearts (Democrats of a sensitive nature should not venture there). Here are all of the threads that were lost, with only a record of their titles left, when a forum error removed them on January 14 2009. Sometimes the truth is so funny it doesn't need to be exaggerated:

[edit] In the News (sub-forum)

Rev. Wright Follows Obama to D.C.
Sun-Times: Journalists Being Shut Out by Obama
The Clintons are crooks? Who knew?
Armed Citizen Stops Crime in Progress
Ann Coulter: The FishbowlDC Interview!
Hamas Terrorist: Oops, Looks Like The IDF Is Close..........
IDF Lets Humanitarian Aid Into Gaza...And Hamas Steals It All
Life As We Know It Nearly Created in Lab
Surprise! Black congressman plays race card.
Bush grants federal aid for Obama inauguration
Constitutional Changes in the Works
No Abortion Clause In Will. Baby Delivered After Mother Dies
Obama Treasury nominee says he failed to pay taxes (already replaced.)
Democrats seek criminal probe of Bush 'abuses'
NAACP vs. the Old South & Tradition
Brit Police Run Like Cowards In Face of Angry Islamic Mob
Obama Breaks Bread with "Righties"
Divorce Battle Over Kidney Gets Nastier

[edit] Generally Speaking (sub-forum)

Brit Police Run Like Cowards In Face of Angry Islamic Mob
NAACP vs. the Old South & Tradition
Democrats seek criminal probe of Bush 'abuses'
No Abortion Clause In Will. Baby Delivered After Mother Dies
Nigerian Scammers Try to Exploit Zimbabwe
Amazing, CNN "allows" truthful pro-Bush comments on story
A TRUE virus ALERT!!?
Pretty Talk & Ugly Realities by Thomas Sowell
Alabama NAACP criticizes use of Trail Maids in Inaugural
Thanks Dubya!
I'm not Nuts, I swear
I am so sick and tired!
What is the homosexual agenda?
What we really should think of Ted Kennedy
The Velcro Presidency
Limbaugh, Galagher and Kudlow in D.C meeting with Obama????
Inauguration Day 2009 Obama Face Make up!!
Favorite Palin Pics
Economists say Bush "chucked" free market ideas long ago
TV piece on Whitman-Austin TX Clock Tower Shooter
Glass half black
Pornography Addiction in Men causing some single mothers.

[edit] Obama's Presidential Eligibility (sub-forum)

Newsmax: Obama's Intelligence Adviser and Security Breach

Inauguration

[edit] You've Got To Be Kidding (sub-forum)

America has come a long way
A funny for today
Where is Rush?
Nice Work, If You Can Get It...
Letter from a CEO to his Employees
Ted Kennedy: The Lyin' of the Senate
He's a good boy. He's a REAL good boy!
Find the nude dude
The greatest thing since sliced bread...

[edit] Entertainment (sub-forum)

new BSG this friday!
Who is the baddest of the bad on the big screen?
I am going racing!!
Who Is the Sexiest Actress Ever On Screen :cry2:
American Idol new season
Ever heard of this scam?

[edit] Usual regular members

"I'm melting! I'm melting! "Ohhhh...what a world, what a world.."

Trolls.
N00bs.
Loners.
Low-lifes.
Hatemongers.
Fanatics.
Old men "phish" for preteen girls.
Mentally ill.
State prison convicts (taxpayers paid for them).
Kids in public library computers.
Turks, Malaysians and Russians.

[edit] Ann Coulter Anagrams

Ann Coulter = rectal noun
Ann Coulter = unclean rot
Ann Coulter = Real cunt, no?
Ann Coulter = ol' cunt near
Ann Coulter = Goddamn Bitch Anal Whorefucker

[edit] Bibliography

Ann Coulter's 2006 autobiography, WORTHLESS. Continuing her trend with her other books, she appears on the cover looking like a cokehead slut.

[edit] References

↑ President Clinton responds to Ann Coulter

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