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An anointment is any liquidy and/or ooziferous substance which is used to sanctify the official inauguration of a monarch, emperor, pope, president, or CEO. The process of applying anointment usually confers magical powers on the recipient, and increases their Dex, Con, and Charisma by a minimum of 5 points each.

How to Apply Anointment[edit]

  1. Remove all clothing from the anointee and secure him to the floor with steel bolts and/or duct tape.
  2. Load approximately 200 gallons of the anointment into the holding tank of a standard 45 caliber industrial anointing cannon.
  3. Set the pressure mechanism between 40,000 and 50,000 psi (correspondingly higher if the chosen anointment has a greater viscosity). You may have to preheat the anointment to just below its boiling point to ensure proper fluid flow.
  4. Carefully mount the anointing cannon on an overhead boom approximately 5 meters above the anointee's head. Adjust the aim with the laser-guided viewscope. Activate the infrared remote control linkage and stand inside the well-shielded control room.
  5. Let 'er rip!!!

Commonly Used Anointments for Specified Anointees[edit]

See Also[edit]