Antichrist
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“I will get you freak!”
~ Jesus on the Antichrist.
“This bitch scares me!”
~ The Antichrist on Oprah Winfrey.
“Is it true he is bisexual?”
~ George Michael on the Antichrist.
“I sure hope so...”
~ Oscar Wilde on the Antichrist.
It is a basic idea in quantum physics that for every particle there is an anti particle of equal mass but opposite charge. This applies to the religious world as well. The Antichrist is the negatively charged component of the normally positively charged Christ. Long theorized since the time of early Christianity, the Antichrist was only theoretical in nature and to date, has not been confirmed in the real world a second time. This pairing is quite rare and has only occurred once around AD 0. Scientists are eagerly awaiting the second coming of Christ and Antichrist as they now have the proper technology to record this event and confirm their equations.
The Prince of Darkness — the ultimate purveyor of all things wicked, vile, and malevolent — has personally reviewed this article. The submitter and all subsequent editors are damned to eternal torment in hellfire
Considering selling your soul? For great rates call 1-800-666-EVIL.
Contents |
[edit] History
Theologians have long hypothesized about the existence of an Antichrist, but for great many centuries, the building of prophet accelerators to break down prophets into their components have been beyond their technology. The fact that Christ was annihilated on contact with the Antichrist and left no physical remains on Earth has also been an issue.
In AD 33, Antichrist touched Christ and both were annihilated in a flash of energy. However, Pontius Pilate needed a satisfactory explanation on his weekly report to the Roman Governor, so he just wrote "Crucifixion" on the death certificate. This is also why Jesus did not have a physical corpse in his tomb. His body was transformed into pure energy during annihilation, though some disbelievers still continue their futile search for a body.
[edit] Physics of the Antichrist
It is nearly identical to that of the normal Christ except that he is negatively charged rather than positive. With the addition of anti-disciples, he can create an Anti-Christianity that operates more or less the same as our Christianity but with every day as opposite day. The Antichrist does what Christ does but opposite too. He goes around infecting lepers, blinding people and taking away bread and fishes from hungry peasants rather than giving them and otherwise acting as a total jerk.
[edit] Particle Physics of the Antichrist
What is little known about the giant particle accelerator, switched on September 10th, is apart from the ludicrous 10 billion squids spent, is Jesus at the behest of God has intervened in the process of mankind's understanding of the universe by suggesting that the Anti-Christ can be dragged out of oblivion somewhere out there and provide more sex, debauchery, drink, drugs, war, and God knows what else he started on this planet and thus disguising the truth that Jesus is both matter and anti-matter and, if the people of this world realised this would subsequently explode, is that the joyriders who have learned nothing from this, or the previous venture back in the eighties learned the unlock codes received within nanoseconds upon switching on the accelerator.
The image right is the gate hole for the entry point of the Anti-Christ. Note that there are twelve exit paths coming out of the centre of the hole, it will need twelve of his most golden Damienite's to guard each exit and grab him before he escapes and makes his strike at the time of the Winter Solstice - the time of Earth's weakest moment. That is, of course, if the element codes - left - are defined in virtual-occult and translated to technical-logic-english and written as game software in time for all the children living in this world, hand-reared by the church, as no more than slaves, thwart his evil intentions.
What is little known about Jesus, is he is both true/false, good/bad, right/wrong, divine/evil. This is what makes him perfect. This attempt to hypnotise the so-called scientists of this world is to buy more time in heaven where he, God, all the angels, the devil and the rest of the stupid prat's who have taken the world/universe for a ride all this time have been taking the piss out of all of us.
String Theory suggests that up and down Quarks are all made of string. In a surprising scientific research they worked out the exact mass of a down Quark and it was measured at exactly - 666.666.666 of a gram. This leads scientists to believe that it was the Devil and not God that created our universe.
[edit] Annihilation
Due to the matter anti-matter properties of Antichrist and Christ, if the two were to meet, they would annihilate in a flash of energy. The matter parts of Christ and Antichrist disappear and transform into pure energy. The construction of the Antichrist mass spectrometer would allow theologians to witness the Antichrist on a subatomic level. However large scale Antichrist and Christ energy conversions are still beyond our technology to create but we are making progress, and in the future we may be able to harness energy created by prophet annihilations and thus eliminate our dependency on nonrenewable energy sources.
[edit] See also
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Satan. | |
 Original Satan: The one who fell first.
| The Scourge of Europe: EuroSatan
|
| Satan Claus: Ensnaring unsuspecting dyslexics looking for Santa.
| The loudest Satan: SATAN
|
| Satan Bunny: Beware his cuddliness.
| The scariest Satan: Antichrist
|
| Crankypants Satan: Invented toddlers and Disco
| The most incomprehensible Satan: Anti-Christ
|
| Space Satan: aka Bat Fuck Satan
| Satan of Sega gaming: Satan-Shadow
|
| Hellmo: Satan of Sesame Street
| Fear the Wrath of the Satan leading the opposing forces in the War on Terra: Bambi
|
| Satin: Is his name a typo?
| El Antichristo de los naciones sudamericanos: El Diablo
|
| Stan: Satan's younger brother
| In Soviet Russia Hell burns in YOU: Russian Satan
|
| Black Satan: Pimpin Satan.
| Satan's socialite alter ego: Lucifer
|
</div></div></div>
