| "Antichrist President"
also known as Lucifer Jr.
|Date of birth||June 6, 1966|
|Place of birth||Penthouse in New York City|
|Date of death||Hopefully, in Revelations 20:7.|
|Place of death||A lake, of what is not known.|
|First Lady||Sarah Palin.|
|Vice President||failed attempt 1951|
|Prime Minister||Ran in 1965 election|
|Term of office||February 31, 2018–Forever|
|Preceded by||A Whole Lotta People|
|Succeeded by||Nobody, absolutely nobody.|
Our beloved Antichrist President (June 6th 1966 - Forever, and ever, and ever. ) whom we all love so very much and which no doubt, is a modest handsome man who has given us what we crave and need. [Jesus needed] Our glorious leader, the honorable Lucifer Jr., has been harshly criticized by historians, custodians, liberals, prophets and Scientologist and Oprah killer Tom Cruise as being the man who will kill us all, and being about the Apocalypse. Fellow
Satanist worshipers, these are all lies. Every word of it. Don't bother with the if's and but's, every word is false.
The following words are from the eyes of the President himself, that may make no sense but what is happening here is biblical, so work with me. Raised by wolfs, attacked by hobos (which were killed by his mind-crushing powers), mother died in childbirth, worked in a Skittles factory for 10 years, and finally was nominated president for some bizarre reason. Yet, we do not question our great president now, don't we?
Spawning, Birth and Warped Childhood
The story is, is that Mrs. Spawn of Satan meet Mr. Satan in a bar one evening. The fact that his face of pure evil did not repulse her, must mean that Satan had inhabited the body of a gorgeous young man, or had 24-hour surgery done by a Indian postal worker in 7-Eleven. As much as you people like one-night stands, we wont spare any details: Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Happy? However, the birth was less exciting, for more information: ...or just keep reading. Malevolent screams were echoed across the world as the mother of Lucifer Jr. gives birth to him just two short days later, the father himself wasn't their, he was busy killing Apollo astronauts (hey, he's the devil after all). Moments later, the child just simply teared its way out of his mothers vag, killing her and satisfying him. [A whole Lotta citations needed]
Lucifer Jr.'s noble, moderately affluent background and family connections afforded him greater opportunities to study than were available to a typical NIGGER of the time. In 1980, Our president was enrolled at a Anti-christian school were devil worshiping was conducted several times daily, even before breakfast. During this time, our leader learned WETBACK, French, NIGGER and Opera so that the world could be under his thumb. An examiner observed that he, "has always been distinguished for his application in torturing and impalement. He shoots his deathly eye-beams at captured victims at just the right accuracy ...This boy would make an excellent president."
Rise to power
In school, nobody really cared for the little devil, the fact that he was pure evil did not help. After graduating with the highest honors, Lucifer Jr. went and did the most un-american act, moved to California. Their he became the most evil workmen on the planet, a lawyer. There he would Bat fuck every defendants mind that opposed his sponsor, Wal-mart. From the beginning, Our Antichrist knew he needed a wealthy, powerful, and ultimately evil organization.  Since the Greenpeace and sony had been hit by the stock market, Exp★Mart was the only option to increase his already omnipotent power. Paying him only $4.99 at first, he soon increased it to roughly $500 Billion by killing all 456 people in succession that stood in his way, by a series of mysterious and bloody accidents, and slowly became Supreme Chancellor and CEO. [Cite this and your dead!]
While holding immeasurably powerful power, Our Man held the entire planet, the whole world hostage as Bruce Willis tried to save the globe without avail, R.I.P.  While doings this, he sent forth his ten plagues: the Blacker plague, the white plague, the Death Plague, The Rapture (and his wife), Flagellation, Flood, Death of Your First Born, Frogs, Vanishing people at Nursing Homes, Rivers of Blood, Fire and Brimstone, Crimson and clover, Cancer, Marriage, and Jollification (ok, it's 15, but I didn't think you could count). After 26 months, people around the world formed a union against Wal★Mart, but that wasn't going to do a damn thing. Finally, Our leader, Die großen und würdigen, wir alle lieben, whom we all love, gave us a choice. Either pick freedom and liberty, or pick a another presidential election. Being the most intelligent creatures on earth, we picked the rigged election.
The year was 2018, president nominee
George W. Bush Lucifer Jr. was busy rigging the election by conditioning peoples minds via. Television, Kids and Woman Magazines. The most credible news source, the Disney Channel, was covering the whole event. Monkeys throwing their shit were immediately imprisoned and cooked for dinner. [What is this doing here?] Mackintosh Computers reverted their claims that 1984 wouldn't be like 1984, strangely almost 44 years later. Cats and Dogs were raining. People all around the world and skeletons of all ages, stood up in amazement as the civilization of mankind[feminist needed] came to a close. Many people were happy even, because the world had finally reached Armageddon and proceeded to loot shops.
Sarah Palin sponsored the Antichrist, but nobody cared. Oprah Winfrey sponsored him, as she did many times before with presidents, thinking that maybe one of them would kill all humans. On March 31st 2014, she hit the jackpot! While promoting another book, Ladies, Get Your Sex Lives in Order Soon by Janet Jackson, she also that day came across the book by Our Leader called How I Want To Become President, and How You Must Get Me There...Or Else. It became a sensation for a the lonely and forgotten housewives still living an american dream, and soon sold 546,789,094 copies and earned mucho dinero in less than six weeks. 
With his new administration, Our Leader, hired Vice president Captain Janeway for job as Vice President ...again. It was not a intelligent decision or leader doth made. But, you can get used to the idea that she will be on top of every other male.[Positions needed]
Richard Simmons, Gene Hackman, and other mid-famous people voted and promoted our (now) president by spraying the earth and sky with billions upon billions upon billions  of home-grown vegetables shaping the presidential nominees name in the night sky by using rockets and the Russian space station. The president yet to be was pleased with this, yet shortly had the two kitten huffed.
At the UN, Buck Rogers tries warns the officials. They listen to him, but not after a meeting hosted by Our beloved Antichrist. He shoots one member who disagrees with a potato gun. Before the meeting Buck, finally accepts God and asks him to show him The Way. God laughs out loudly and continues creating planets. Our president then proposed we build a giant beer keg, after which all male UN officials agree to pass a bill, proclaiming that the president of the U.S. is leader of the world, even though the UN had always been knowing that.
Just 10 days before the election, Arnold Schwarzenegger came out of retirement and proceed to kill (or dethrone much less) our beloved Antichrist. R.I.P. Arnold. The day was October 22th, and election night was just nine days away. CNN was renamed Antichrist News and re-renamed CNN again after people became confused of which mind-bending program to watch. Polls were showing that Antichrist was leading 99.991%, while a relatively small group of anti-sinners were leaning towards that other guy. Frankly, after two years of Laura Bush's presidency, people though it could get any worse, and with Our Antichrist's Wal★Mart discount coupons, it didn't.
you can imagine. I will even allow to pick your type of demise.”
- ~ Inauguration speech
- ~ Mr. Antichrist president's campaign slogan
On October 31st, Our leader won in the 2018 election that decided who was going to take top spot in the nation and ride and abuse this country until it's wasted and broken down, for four more years. Normally, the ones who have been elected go to Camp David and play golf, sleep with their wife"s", and reminisce about old times. Glorious Leader did no such thing, instead he brainwashed us all into thinking we are better than everybody else and indulge in TV, Sex and life. Still, better than Clinton at looking most like an ape.
Our Antiprayers have been answered, for now we have a Antichrist, who is the One and Only son of a few of Satan's sons, who will Antiredeem us into Anti-salvation. Upon winning the election and our hearts, our Antichrist sent forth subliminal messages, since no disciples or minions where available due to the Minions & Henchmen Writers Strike of 2010-2018. For the next three months, Lucifer Jr. started moving into the white house, making everything evil. Evil lampshades, Evil carpets, the works.
On January 20th, our beloved swore revenge on Jesus and God, but also swore himself in as president to crowd of 20,000,000 people. after taking the oath of the presidency, he shouted out his proclamation in a deep-hell like voice, and proceed to Eye Beam everyone to dust in the crowd and arrest free-lance Americans, also known as Democrats.
The presidency was a hit as everyone around the world started drinking beer and making sweet love to their spouses before everyone was enslaved and hung from their toes. And after 26 months, Our Beloved and Great Leader has taught us to build roads and buildings for him and statues with him on it. Most of the time, he allows some free thought into how to make our lives more miserable. [connection with Bush needed]
- Antichrist Superstar
- John McCain
- Adolf Hitler
- Eternal Damnation
- Donald Trump
- Hilary Clinton
- Your Mom
- Great Irish Potato Famine
- Human Resources Management
- Soylent Green
- Divine Retribution
- Satan Claus
- I Can't Believe it's Not Murder
- Human Sacrifice
- ^ Were kidding, it's was actually ten months.
- ^ ...Our source was the New Yorker.
- ^ He was pretty much proven dead, even though the Die Hard series was still profitable. Yet, the unmistakeably smell of his carcass across the 309 Highway proved he was dead as disco and ragtime.
- ^ A BLESSING!!!
- ^ Many scientist say that cancer was their before.[Cite these bastards]
- ^ Nobody cares!
- ^ Your wife was all the reference we'd ever need.
- ^ That's billions with an "P".