Apache (Web Server)

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Apache.

This Feather is from a possessed bird from Hell.

Apache is a deadly virus for servers. It has been known to cause but is not limited to: Server fires, complaints, butt pain, crashes, server outages, suicide, and much more.

Apache is actually free, hence, crap (unmanaged). If it were paid, the retail value would be about -$85.37. It is greatly valued by suicidal, depressed people, server destroy teams, and idiots.

Apache is downloadable via a site that is impossible to get through, and looks like itis fresh out of the 1960s. Good ol' '60s.

[edit] Server

Apache is a great server tool, for those who love maximum uptime levels of about .6%. It's also very simple. In fact, so simple that there is no GUI, or window. All ya get is an application that claims its up when it really isn't. You never know what it's doing, it never tells you! It's also very customizable. If you try to install PHP on it, it usually crashes. It is also the same with ASP.NET, but for ASP.NET, the fault is split 50/50.

[edit] Uptime

The uptime varies greatly. If you are personally experimenting, it can get up to 2.3%. If you are using it for a forum site, or a small site, you can expect about 1.3%. If you are using it at a web host, good luck even getting it started. You may receive some hefty bills from the data center, asking you to pay for the fire that was caused. You could always just blame the server next to you...

Apache values life. If you can even get it started, you may expect about 3 minutes of uptime before it becomes lazy again, and shuts down. When this happens, please refer to the first sentence of this article. You may receive those symptoms. If you do, then you can officially be driven to insanity.

[edit] Errors

When you are in the allotted 10 minutes of uptime, you will probably receive errors from the server, or from the area where your web site is suppose to be, and this gives you a great feeling inside. You get 10 minutes of uptime, and it's not even uptime, because your site wasn't there, the apache errors were.